balls-deep Page 61 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Presenting One Of History's Great Walks Of Shame
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
The Deadspin Five-Point Plan To Rescue Penn State Football
It's the day after the Freeh Report and, as you probably could have guessed, sportswriters have begun falling all over themselves to call for the end of Penn State football. Here's Slate arguing for the death penalty. Here's FOX's Jen Engel doing likewise. And Christine Brennan. And, of course, Dan ...
American Baby Names Are Somehow Getting Even Worse
My wife has a subscription to Parents magazine, and the fun thing about Parents magazine is that every issue is virtually identical. Whether you pick up the June 2008 issue or the March 2012 issue, you're still getting all the same shit, including items like "567 fun knitting crafts to help stave of...
ESPN Trots Out Matt Millen To Fumble His Way Through The Freeh Report
On a day like today, you can find any number of fine journalistic outlets that are covering the Freeh report in painstaking, intelligent detail. You can follow Sara Ganim, who has already won a Pulitzer Prize for her diligence on the Sandusky scandal. Or you can follow Yahoo's Dan Wetzel, who is p...
The Deadspin Guide To Mutual Oral Copulation
I took my kids to the pool when I was on vacation last week, and at the end of our day splashing around I dragged my son into the locker room to shower him and change him. So he sits down and starts taking off his bathing suit, and when he stands back up, I hear this big THUD on the bathroom floor. ...
Our Drew Magary Applied For A Spot On <em>Chopped</em>; This Is His Application
I watch a shitload of Chopped, the Food Network show where four chefs are forced to create a three-course meal in 80 minutes using random crap like smoked donkey penises and Taiwanese shitfruit. And reader Jim recently alerted me that the show was going to have a special episode dedicated to amateur...
Why Your Team Sucks 2012: San Diego Chargers
Some people are fans of the San Diego Chargers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the San Diego Chargers. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here....
Dogs Are Not Your Manhood's Best Friend
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Here's Why Chris Berman Calling An NFL Game Is A Terrible Idea (In Case You Needed A Reminder)
Over the years, ESPN has used the second game of the annual Week 1 Monday Night Football doubleheader as a kind of test kitchen, to see just how much bullshit American sports fans can tolerate. We've been subjected to Mike Greenberg, Mike Golic, and Mike Ditka, all at once. Twice. And now, as the ch...
The College Football Playoff Is The Best Sports Innovation Of Our Generation
I remember being baffled by college football from the very beginning. I was the only sports fan in my family. My parents didn't give a shit about sports. My brother and sister didn't give a shit about sports. If I wanted to learn how different sports functioned—how to watch them—I was more or less o...
How To Eat Dog Shit: A Condiments Guide
Before we get to the Funbag, two things. First of all, I'm on vacation next week. So we're gonna have another guest Funbag host to answer all your questions. To send a Funbag submission to our guest host, just email the tips line. The good thing about submitting questions to the guest host is that y...
![The Titanic Of Failed Hookup Stories [Very NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17qlcwcwdbh0sjpg.jpg)
The Titanic Of Failed Hookup Stories [Very NSFW]
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
LeBron James: World Champion Cocksucker
I know that last night was supposed to be LeBron James's face turn and that, while he warmly celebrates his first title with teammates and family, I'm supposed to see LeBron in a whole new light. Maybe he's not such a bad guy. Maybe this playoff run has brought out a depth of character heretofore un...
Know Your RedTube, And Other Advice: The Dadspin Guide To Internet Parenting
I have three children, the oldest of whom is web literate. She can work a mouse. She can open Chrome. She can type. And she can Google shit, which is terrifying because you never know when Google Image Search will decide to hand you an image of a big hairy penis, even if you're using the default MOD...
What Women's Sport Has Inspired The Most Self-Gratification?
I was hanging with my kid the other day and she sprung this on me:...
A Mural Featuring Mike McQueary Tastefully Adorns Happy Valley Titty Bar
Reader Jayme recently returned from a trip to the End Zone Club, a titty joint located in scenic Port Matilda, Pa., just 13 miles away from the Penn State campus. He files this report:...
Dan Snyder's Official Team Bio Is A Tour De Force Of Bullshit
When you think of Redskins owner Dan Snyder, you think of a miserable, gutless sack of shit who ruined a franchise and made an entire fanbase hate his guts. Ah, but that's just how Dan Snyder is perceived in the real world. The world of official team bios, on the other hand, is magical place where a...
"I Will Give You 5 Blowjobs If You Take Me To See <em>Brokeback Mountain</em>," She Said
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Manny Ramirez's Dreads Will Cause Drug Use, Abortion, Gayness, Blindness, Fan Tells The A's Triple-A Affiliate In Insane Voicemail
This disgruntled fan of the Sacramento River Cats would like you to know that she is NOT fuddy duddy. Nor is she a crackpot. She just thinks that Manny Ramirez's dreadlocks are the reason that "unwholesomeness" is spreading across the American landscape. I strongly urge you to listen to this voic...
No, I Will Not Fix The Overflowing Toilet Today: The Dadspin Father's Day Manifesto
Father's Day is a con. Every year, I expect to have a Father Day's filled with unlimited blackjack and gunfire-scented cologne, and every year it ends up being like every other goddamn NFL-free Sunday in existence. Father's Day is supposed to be MY day, but most of the time my family abandons any pr...