balls-deep Page 62 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dear ESPN: Your Movie-Tie-In Promos Suck
I was watching the NBA Finals last night. Or, at least, I was attempting to watch them. ESPN was unconcerned with my ability to watch the fucking game and much more interested in running 17 different introductory segments to the game. This is what ESPN always does. They run a dramatic intro to the g...
What Are The Odds You'll Kill An Old Person With Your Cold?
Your letters:...
Cockblocked By The Dreaded Hanger-On
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
How To Not Piss Off The World With Your Email Signature
I once worked at an ad agency that forced employees to use an email signature. And not only did we have to have an email signature, but we had to rotate in new talking points about the company into the signature every week. "Did you know that Sturding Pooper Raper Lice was ranked a Top 50 Agency by ...
It Takes A Special Kind Of Mom To Disown Her Child Over Voicemail
Once in a while, we're offered a glimpse into the dark heart of the American family. The above voicemail is one such instance. Reader Ben provides the background:...
Dwyane Wade Copes With Brutal Game 5 Loss By Wearing Stupid Glasses
First it was Russell Westbrook, and now it's Dwyane Wade rocking a pair of glasses without lenses in the postgame locker room. Wade may be a fashionable man, but you can't pull off this look after you got your ass beat. LENS-FREE GLASSES ARE FOR CLOSERS. I'm not gonna go as far as Yahoo's Dan Wetzel...
Bro-Tastic Laxachusetts Lax Bros Get The Bro-Tastic Story They Deserve From The <em>Boston Bro-be</em>
Mark this date in history, people. Years from now, you will look back at June 5th, 2012, as the beginning of the LAX BRO MOVEMENT. And you will have Boston Globe reporter Jenifer McKim to thank for it:...
How To Tell Your Family That Your Cousin Is A Porn Star
Before we get into the Funbag, a quick announcement: I'll be out in D.C. tomorrow night handling the introduction at Justin Halpern's book reading at the Sixth & I Synagogue (Gregg Easterbrook would not approve). I should tell you in advance that you have to pay to go to this thing, which is a pain ...
Hulk Hogan Retweeted Gentleman Because He "Went Balls Deep" On His Daughter Brooke
Generally speaking, the practice of asking for a retweet should be frowned upon as the last resort of the pathetic, but there are exceptions to every rule. One need not look any further than this masterpiece of random craziness....
Cockblocked By Asthma!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Another Angry Voicemail: "What In The Hell's Wrong With You?" Said The Tebow Fan To The Local TV Station
Another day, another angry voicemail. This one comes to us from a Pittsburgh TV anchor, who writes in:...
Your Scripps National Spelling Bee Live Blog
You know what the national spelling needs to make it even more compelling? INJURIES. No one ever gets physically injured during a spelling bee. Oh sure, there's extensive PSYCHOLOGICAL damage that occurs when children get eliminated and their dads won't even give them a hug when they get escorted ba...
Pissed-Off College Student Leaves Greatest Voicemail Ever
If you've ever attended school at any level, you know how infuriating it can be when some dipshit administrator screws up your paperwork and sticks you in the wrong class. Or even worse, when they actively try to prevent you from switching out of that class into the class you wanted. Well, one br...
How To Fold A Fajita Without Looking Like Some Sort Of Dumbass
Oh, fajitas. Oh, how I adore you. The way you arrive at my table still sizzling on a metal platter. The way the waiter warns me to NEVER touch that metal platter, or else all my nerve endings will detonate. The way the steam comes up from the tortillas once I've lifted the lid on the tortilla-holder...
The 10 Most Insane States In America
I was hanging out at home yesterday when a neighbor came knocking on our door and told me that she had driven home to find that her door was wide open and that she was scared someone had broken into her house. She didn't want to check out the house by herself, so she wanted to know if I could scout ...
Pussyblocked By Your College Major!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Watch This Girl Crush A Red Bull Can Using Only Her Shoulder Blades
People ... this video. THIS VIDEO. I don't even know what to say. Reader Kenneth attempts to provide context:...
Roger Goodell (And Nike) Will Not Tolerate The NFL's Epidemic Of Bruised Thighs Anymore
When we last left the Ginger Hammer, he was sending Gregg Williams to the bad corner and proving, once and for all, that violence has no place in football. And today, Roger Goodell has yet taken yet another step in showing the world that HE MEANS GINGER BUSINESS when it comes to player safety. Pendi...
Rick Reilly Has Golf Jokes For You Because Rick Reilly Is Everything Horrible About ESPN
Do me a favor right now: Drive out to your local exurb. Now, find the nearest Cheesecake Factory in that exurb, walk up to the bar, and try and spot the 40-year-old fellow wearing pleated chinos, loafers, and a button-down shirt with his real-estate company's logo on it. You see that guy? THAT is Ri...