balls Page 13 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Terrible Private Highway Racket Is Coming For My House
You probably missed it because it falls squarely within the genre of normal, pre-2016 government malfeasance, but this week, according to the Washington Post, Maryland state Senator Nancy King (D) shot down a bill that would have made it more difficult for the state’s Republican governor to add toll...
When Is The Best Time To Take A Dump?
Today, we’re talking about wallets, watching sports alone, asshole coaches, and more....
Confessions Of A Tooth Grinder
I grind my teeth at night. This is because I live in America, and every day living here tells my subconscious that it would be a wise idea for me to bite clean through my own jaw. I had no idea that I was doing this until years ago when my old dentist, a very nice man who would accidentally fart out...
They’re Gonna Fuck Up This New <i>Joker</i> Movie And I’m Already Annoyed
In theory, I am the ideal target audience for this new Joker trailer because I am the kind of broad-minded jackass who would shell out $12 for anything Joker-related, and because I’m one of five people who won’t openly recoil at the idea of a gritty PG-13 Joker origin story shot exclusively as an ho...
Onions, Ranked
Today, we’re talking about pizza, worst places to die, the NCAA tournament, and more....
Universe Rewards Home Plate Umpire For Defending His Crew Mate By Directing A Fastball Into His Junk
This delightful baseball sequence begins with Cardinals third baseman Matt Carpenter leading off the top of the 11th inning against Pirates hurler Steven Brault. With the count at 2–2, Brault threw a breaking pitch down and away, and Carpenter appeared to check his swing. Third base umpire Jordan Ba...
Would You Rather Be Born Old Or Die Young?<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about Scott Van Pelt, rich assholes in space, flipping the bird, and more....
My Kids Won’t Stop Gaslighting Me<em></em>
If you’ve been around these internet parts for the past few years, you know all about gaslighting, wherein people stand behind a lie so fervently that they compel others to believe it as well, leaving marks unsure as to what is true and what really is the name of Apple CEO Tim Apple....
And Now, Your Worst Roommate Horror Stories
I have very few, if any, roommate horror stories scattered throughout my personal history, which means that I, like the oblivious sucker at a poker table, am likely the nightmare roommate in stories of OTHER people. Take my friend Fred, for example (not his real name). In 1999, Fred crashed at my st...
Stop Excusing Tom Izzo’s Assholery<em></em>
The only thing more predictable than Tom Izzo going apeshit on one of his own players, to the point where MSU freshman forward Aaron Henry’s teammates had to actively restrain the head coach, was the parade of dipshits and assholes rushing to Izzo’s defense and framing any criticism of his sideline ...
Bubble Teams Belong In Hell
Today, we’re talking about chicken pot pie, the NCAA tournament, dirty belts, and more....
The 2018(ish) Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
[greets you at the door while wearing a frayed holiday sweater; offers you curdled egg nog]...
Should The NFL Support Medicare For All?<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about baths, grocery store timing, quotable movies, Bryce Harper, and more....
Stop Enabling Barstool's Shit
Barstool Sports, a site for boys who wanna grow up to be Donald Trump Jr., is getting shit on this week. This is a justified shitting-on, because comedian Miel Bredouw called out the site for using a video that she made without giving her credit—in fact, we found they sometimes upload pilfered conte...
What Is The Optimum Office Food?<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about basketball, Joe Lunardi sucking, conductors, vengeance, and more....
What Is The Optimum Office Food?<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about basketball, Joe Lunardi sucking, conductors, vengeance, and more....
Brett Brown Doesn’t Need To Instruct Ben Simmons To Miss Free Throws
The Sixers played the Warriors tough on Saturday night. Playing without Joel Embiid once again, Philly led by 14 points early in the third quarter and rallied back into the game after the Warriors blew by them. It was back and forth into the final seconds. Sure, Golden State ended up pulling out the...
Brett Brown Doesn’t Need To Instruct Ben Simmons To Miss Free Throws
The Sixers played the Warriors tough on Saturday night. Playing without Joel Embiid once again, Philly led by 14 points early in the third quarter and rallied back into the game after the Warriors blew by them. It was back and forth into the final seconds. Sure, Golden State ended up pulling out the...
College Basketball Coaches Are Too Famous<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about Bojangles, Bob Kraft, burnt hot dogs, and more....
The Hater’s Guide To The 2019 Oscars
I remember I used to have a hard time waiting for the Oscars to arrive. I shit you not. I would get super jazzed for them, then roll my eyes at the prospect of having to wait for months between the end of the movie year and the stupid ceremony. I, uh, no longer feel this way. The Oscars come around ...