balls Page 15 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How The Patriots Screwed Up In The Miami Miracle
After a brief hiatus for the Deadspin Awards, the Emergency Football Show Weekly is back, so try to contain your excitement. This week, Dan and I savor everything about the Miami Miracle and marvel at Mike Tomlin’s clock mismanagement. Also, Dan eats a little shit about the Cowboys, defenses finally...
More Than You Probably Wanted To Know About The Rules On A Puck Hitting A Ref's Dick And Balls
Just an excellent hockey highlight from Tuesday’s 4-3 Blues win over the Panthers, as St. Louis defenseman Robert Bortuzzo—fresh off of beating the hell out of a teammate in practice—tried to dump in a puck and ended up banking it off of referee Tim Peel’s biscuits, past goalie Roberto Luongo, and i...
Goal Disallowed After Puck Ricochets Off Unfortunate Referee's Dick And Balls
The Florida Panthers are up on the St. Louis Blues by the score of 1–0 in the second period Tuesday night. The score looked for a moment like it would be tied at one goal apiece, after Blues defenseman Robert Bortuzzo beat Roberto Luongo in, um, unconventional fashion:...
How Did Donald Trump Propose?
Today, we’re talking about Trump’s marriage proposal technique, breakfast foods, Home Depot, cursing sports announcers, and more....
<i>Monday Night Football</i> Needs To Get Over Itself
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Baker Mayfield Ushers In Beef Season
Thanksgiving is over: It’s time to ditch the turkey and bring on the beef! This week on Emergency Football Show Weekly, Dom and I discuss Baker Mayfield’s beef with Hue Jackson, the Steelers’ struggles in Denver, and the return of good touchdown celebrations....
The Constitution Is Garbage<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about doors, gym TVs, pull-ups, broadcaster fights, and more....
![Henry Anderson's Dick And Balls Rudely Squished By Cordarrelle Patterson [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ixehh9mgwgbeldk2uzsj.gif)
Henry Anderson's Dick And Balls Rudely Squished By Cordarrelle Patterson [Update]
Cordarrelle Patterson was brought down by Henry Anderson after a one-yard gain on a first-and-five run early in the fourth quarter of Sunday’s Patriots-Jets tilt. Patterson, who I think it will henceforth be fair to assume is a total sociopath, expressed his displeasure with that turn of events by c...
It’s Been A Weird And Wonderful Week Of Football
We’re here with your Thanksgiving week edition of Emergency Football Show Weekly! Dom Cosentino and I break down the show put on by the Rams and Chiefs on Monday Night Football, a costly mistake by Philip Rivers, the resurgence of the Indianapolis Colts and, of course, Jon Gruden and Derek Carr argu...
Down With Big Scooter<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about Chewbacca pooping, Trump, dinosaur fights, sneezing, and more....
Please God Bring Back Vine For Sports
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
The Eagles Suck!
Last week Dom Cosentino and I discussed one simple truth of this NFL season: The Dallas Cowboys were a mess. Naturally, the Cowboys went out and beat up on the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday night....
Candy Versus Booze: Who Ya Got?!<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about woke Axl Rose, salt, rich assholes who exercise a lot, and more....
Cook For Yourself<em></em>
My wife was out for a girls’ night and I was home alone with my three rowdy kids. To my enormous shame, I have yet to get my two younger kids to eat the same shit that my wife and I eat every night. I cook a regular meal, and then my boys eat chicken nuggets or cheese toast or some other garbage. Wi...
I Forgot How Much It Rules To Watch Football At A Bar
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
The Dallas Cowboys Are Still A Mess
The Dallas Cowboys added wide receiver Amari Cooper in a trade with the Oakland Raiders during their bye week. It helped! Cooper was the Cowboys’ leading receiver, catching 5 passes for 58 yards and a score on Monday night. It didn’t help the Cowboys win, of course: They lost at home to the Tennesse...
Don’t Force Your Sports Fandom Onto Other People’s Kids, You Asshole<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about French fries, cocaine, college football, and more....
The Strange, Incredible Joy Of Warming Up
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Chris Simms Recalls The Time Vince Wilfork Busted Up His Genitals Real Good
Former NFL quarterback Chris Simms, who famously got his spleen exploded during a game, went on Mike Florio’s radio show today and shared the story of a different time in which he was grievously and spectacular injured by a big hit....
The Browns Are Being The Browns
Happy Halloween from Emergency Football Show Weekly! This week Dom and I discuss the Browns’ coaching changes, why morning NFL games are so great (Dom—and West Coasters—may disagree), Michael Dickson’s fourth-down run and Todd Gurley’s decision to go down before scoring a touchdown. Enjoy!...