balls Page 20 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Let Us Witness Now The Glorious End Of LeBron
Bill Walsh had accomplished everything he ever needed to accomplish. It was 1992 and Walsh was a year away from being enshrined in Canton as the greatest football mind of his generation, borne out by three Super Bowls, six division titles, and a template for winning offensive football that would las...
Home Run Ball Of Pure Evil Comes Back To Ambush Albert Almora's Skull
Some hard-hit baseballs aren’t content just to do their damage on the scoreboard. Some, like Max Muncy’s home run ball from Wednesday’s Cubs-Dodgers game, seem to get their kicks from inflicting as much humiliation on fielders as possible. These sociopathic balls are on a path of destruction, and no...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Transformers Prime</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours....
The Bucs Did This To Themselves
Jameis Winston is about to be suspended by the NFL for groping an Uber driver while waiting for food at a Mexican drive-thru. And it’s a very NFL thing that the three-game suspension initially reported by Adam Schefter isn’t necessarily a gimme, because NFL officials have yet to finish inputting all...
Put Ichiro In The Home Run Derby!
Here are two facts. 1) MLB may struggle getting marquee players in the Home Run Derby this year, with many of the best sluggers and biggest names reportedly not interested....
Never Take Your Kids To A Championship Parade<em></em>
I was not born or raised in the D.C. area but all of my children were, and so I felt it was my solemn duty as a Good Sports Dad to take them downtown for the Capitals’ Stanley Cup parade, the first major title parade to take place here in nearly three decades. This was a celebration that was unprece...
An Extremely Mild And Pointless Defense Of Raisins<em></em>
Your letters:...
Otherwise Cursed A's Fan Blessed With Two Straight Foul Balls
Lifelong Oakland Athletics fans younger than 28 years old have never seen their team make a World Series appearance. Various A’s teams have been spunky and overachieving and paradigm-altering in their strategic cheapness, but lately they have just been bad. But it makes sense that the team whose app...
The Sound When These Two Men Smash Their Dicks And Balls Together Will Stay With You Long Into The Night
This happened in the seventh inning of Saturday’s Mariners-Rays game, with a runner on first and the Rays holding a 6-3 lead. It was a clutch, inning-ending grab, but it came with great, great sacrifice:...
So Much Cool: My Night Among Joyous And Drunken Caps Fans<em></em>
Tomorrow is a bigass waste of time. I am a grown adult, which means that the majority of my decisions are based around tomorrow. I save money. I go to bed at a reasonable hour. I don’t do crack. Tomorrow dictates a great deal of my actions, which is a shame because today is RIGHT HERE to be celebrat...
I’ve Had It Up To Here With Solemn Musical Sequences On TV<em></em>
The Americans had its series finale least week and if you’re worried about me spoiling the end for you, please have no fear. I’m not here to shatter your dreams or point out continuity errors. So, without giving any particulars away, I thought the finale was a perfectly fine ending to a well-done se...
And Now, Your Wildest-Ass Stories About Getting Into A Fight
When I was in middle school my class went on an overnight trip to Spanish camp, which I remember vividly for two reasons. First off, I farted so loud in the cabin one night that one of the counselors woke up and yelled at me for farting so loud. Secondly, I got into a fight. Now I use the word “figh...
Fire Mark Jackson<em></em>
Oh, hello again. Yes, I have returned from my book-writing sabbatical—venturing to the Yukon, wrestling wild salmon, scribbling long paragraphs about the FATE OF MAN on the back of aged moosehide—and am ready to rejoin you, my dearest online friends, once more. I feel refreshed and revigored, if suc...
Yadier Molina Undergoes Surgery After Taking Fastball To The Dick And Balls
On the list of worst-case scenarios for baseball catchers, this sequence has got to rank somewhere near the top: getting nailed in the junk by a deflected 102-mph fastball; requiring surgery for anything having to do with getting nailed in the junk by a deflected 102-mph fastball. But that appears t...
Sweaty Balls
Meet Peoria sportscaster Jim Mattson, whose segment on WEEK tonight was perspirative and gonadic. His broadcast partners were... surprised?...
This Sixers Have To Foul In This Situation
The Celtics were probably going to win Game 2 no matter what happened in the last 30 seconds. They’d already come back from a 22-point deficit and were ahead by three with half a minute to play. But the Sixers did something to lessen their already-small chances of winning late last night: They didn’...