balls Page 40 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Which NFL Team Has The Worst Alumni?
It’s Super Bowl week, which means that both ESPN and your local sports talk borkfest will be flooded with even more useless former NFL players than usual. One of the perks of being a Super Bowl champion is that, until the day you die, you get to spend one week a year gallivanting around Radio Row an...
Do People Use Siri To Sext? It’s A Special Super Bowl Funbag!
I got good news, and I got bad news. The bad news is that this week’s Funbag is a special podcast edition, featuring me and Marchman addressing all of your most pressing questions. We had to do it this way because I’m in San Francisco covering the Super Bowl for GQ. (Don’t worry, there will still be...
It’s Your All-Star Super Bowl Deadcast!
The Super Bowl is here! KIND OF! Only… (looks at calendar, lets out heavy sigh) 10 more days until the game, and you need to plan! What horrifying-looking-yet-tasty dip will you inflict upon your houseguests? Should you REALLY root for Peyton Manning to win one last title? Does rooting for Cam make ...
Monopoly Tokens, Ranked
Before we get into the Funbag, I have some quick book news. The Hike comes out August 2nd (peep the cover here) and I’m not gonna tell you much about it because I don’t wanna wear you down before we get to the TRULY insufferable book-whoring phase late this summer. All you need to know is:...
You Don’t Scare Me, Snow
By now, you are probably aware that the East Coast is about to get murdered with 50 tons of acid methane snow over the weekend. You know this because people who live on the East Coast believe that their weather is EVERYONE’S weather....
NFL Overtime Doesn't Need To Be Changed
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
There Was An Incident With The Footballs And Gauges At Gillette Stadium This Weekend
Almost exactly a year to the day after Patriots equipment personnel “likely” intentionally deflated footballs to make them easier for Tom Brady to grip—at least, that’s according to the NFL’s Wells Report—there was another incident involving footballs and gauges before a Patriots playoff game at Gil...
Which Band Has Caused The Most Junior High Dance Boners?
Your letters:...
Dirty Football Games Are The Best
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
Your Deadcast Divisional Round Preview
Whoa hey, it’s divisional playoff weekend! WOOHOO FUCK YEAH! Can Peyton Manning reanimate his own dead body? Will Antonio Brown play? Will the Panthers choke like I expect them to? And what did I just sit on? SO MANY QUESTIONS. But fear not, we’re here to answer them in a very special Deadcast....
Antonio Cromartie's Penis Is Unstoppable
Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie has fathered 10 children, so it made plenty of sense when he decided to get a vasectomy, because 10 children is plenty of children. Today, we learned that not even a procedure that leaves most couples with a less than 1-percent chance of getting pregnant can stop th...
A Special Message From Rams And Chargers Fans
Yesterday, the NFL approved a deal that will send the St. Louis Rams back to Los Angeles, with a second team joining them within a year, if not sooner. That second team will almost certainly be the San Diego Chargers, whose owner, Dean Spanos, will have to settle for a mere windfall instead of a bon...
Is The Hall Of Fame Screwing Over Curt Schilling For His Hot Facebook Memes?
Curt Schilling is many things—a bloviator, a dummy, a bad Facebook person, a hilariously incompetent businessman—but I think the one thing we can all agree on is that, whatever his faults, the man could pitch his ass off and deserves to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Ah, but at present he is NOT. ...
Ball-Snatching Memphis Player Autographs His Prize, Instagrams It, Gets Dismissed
The Memphis Tigers lost to Auburn in the Birmingham Bowl yesterday, but safety Reggis Ball wanted a souvenir to commemorate his two interceptions in the game. So, he wrestled an equipment staffer for a game ball and ran. The school dismissed the redshirt senior from the team a few hours after the in...
What Is The Best Birthday Month?
PROGRAMMING NOTE: I’m outta here next week to go do Christmas things. You’re not getting a Funbag. You’ll have to go mud-sledding or something. Deadspin founder and artificial Georgian Will Leitch will be your Jamboroo guest host. ...
Tom Brady Is A Hilarious Moron
There was an old episode of The Larry Sanders Show that aired right during the peak of the O.J. Simpson murder trial hysteria. And in the episode, Hank Kingsley (as played by the brilliant Jeffery Tambor) tells the rest of the staff that he thinks O.J., his neighbor, is innocent of murder. Why? Beca...
What Was The Shittiest Take Of The Year?
It was quite the year for shitty takes, my friends. Remember Bud Poliquin? And the Titans mom? And Jason Whitlock’s entire oeuvre? Oh, what a time we had with all those takes. But there were three shitty takes that sunk below all the others … takes that buried themselves deep into the mantle of the ...
