balls Page 48 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Adrian Peterson Is A Fucking Moron
You know, just once in this lifetime, I would like my favorite team to acquire a legendary skill position player who does NOT turn out to be a complete fucking shithead. The Vikings drafted Randy Moss, and I had to spend a decade justifying his existence to myself when he would sit down and make a ...
Deadcast: Peter King Talks To Roger Goodell, Accomplishes Nothing
So Peter King landed an interview with Roger Goodell (I know… I'm as shocked by his journalistic coup as you are) and the commissioner took the opportunity to spew out a bunch of boilerplate Roger Goodell nonsense: blanket declarations of self-assurance, private police forces, bullshit concussion st...
Marcus Smart Ejected After Punching Matt Bonner In The Balls
Celtics fans are hoping Marcus Smart is the next Kevin Garnett, and if this blast to Matt Bonner's nuts is any proof, the rookie is already embracing some of KG's finishing moves. This one, in particular, finished Smart's night; he earned the ejection, and Boston fell 101-89 to the Spurs....
The USMNT Should Boycott The 2022 World Cup
Today FIFA announced that they are formally moving ahead with plans to host the 2022 World Cup in Qatar in November and December of that year, with the final being played a week before Christmas. As you may already know, Qatar's World Cup infrastructure is being built using Moses-era slavery practi...
Deadcast: The Hater’s Guide To The Field Of 68
The tournament is here! Obscure schools! Slow play! Poor shooting! Adorable upsets that are violently corrected in the boring later rounds! It's all here! I'm gonna head to the bar at 1 p.m., eyebang the barstools until a free one opens up, and then get TERRIBLE barstool ass sores over the cou...
What Happens When A 38-Year-Old Man Takes An AP History Test?
I never took an AP course in high school. I'm pretty sure it was because I never qualified for it (I went straight B-minuses throughout my high school career), but it was also because I went to school back when taking AP courses wasn't the dire necessity that it is for today's students. According ...
Balls, Ranked
NOTE: Rankings are for the actual balls, not the sports played with them....
Bill Simmons Is A Name-Dropping Waste
So Bill Simmons offered a "sneak" preview today of the third part of his NBA Trade Value column. And yes, his self-mythologizing has gotten to the point where he a) breaks some random-ass rankings into three parts, b) releases a "sneak preview" of the third part of those rankings because "we couldn...
And Now, The World’s Most Terrifyingly Inappropriate <i>Minecraft</i> Videos
Last week, I took a moment to explain why Minecraft, the world's biggest video game, sucks hard balls. And in my "research" for that post (five minutes), I found a number of Minecraft recreations of 9/11 over on YouTube. All of these tributes are misguided at best and tasteless at worst …...
Jim Boeheim Is The NCAA’s Favorite Kind Of Shitbag
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering bowling, moon colonies, giant scorpions, and more....
Moron <i>USA Today</i> Columnist Thinks The Cardinals Poop Vanilla Sprinkles
You know, we usually wait until October here to dump on the Cardinals and have the entire city of St. Louis send us polite death threats. But Bob Nightengale … oh, Bob Nightengale … you forced my hand early, you abominable fucking hack. I guarantee, right now, that there won't be a worse piece of ...
Why Your Children’s Video Game Sucks: <i>Minecraft </i>
The Game: Minecraft...
Things That Are The Worst, Ranked
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering the dress, pantsless driving, bare feet, and more....
What Are We Being Ordered To Care About Instead Of That Goddamn Dress?
The Rule of the Internet is that when people argue about something silly, like the color of a goddamn dress, an army of remarkably irritating people will amass to counter that phenomenon and remind you that you are a shallow cock for worrying about the color of a dress. Let's meet these smarm merch...
Russell Wilson’s Ball-Bread Is Fucking Weird
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering failed romantic gestures, Oscar stuff, hamburgers and sex, and more....
How To Tweet If You Are A Famous Athlete
Last week, current Niners QB and future miserable player on a 4-12 team Colin Kaepernick got into a Twitter beef with random Twitter user Stephen Batten (Twitter handle @battman_returns, which is a weak handle when @BattenDownTheSnatches was right there for the taking). It started when Kaep tweeted ...
Wait, Jesus Christ, There's A Different Ball Scandal? What The Fuck?
Have you been following the latest developments in the investigation into the use of shady balls during the AFC Championship? Probably not, because you're normal and football's over and it's all so confusing. But listen a second: this new stuff is weird....
The Hater’s Guide To The 2015 Oscars
Every year, the Oscars come along, and it becomes more evident that the Oscars are the worst live event on television. Other award shows are smart enough to jettison technical categories, get the nominees shitfaced, and encourage poor wardrobe choices. Meanwhile, these things are still as self-im...