balls Page 70 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Is It OK To Stop Watching Sports?
I was on a flight yesterday and half the people aboard were asleep. And this wasn't some nighttime flight, either. This was at like, 10 in the morning. How the fuck can so many people sleep so well on airplanes? On every flight I board, there are 60 motherfuckers who are passed out with their necks ...
Bob Nightengale Is An All-Star Of Pearl-Clutching
Poe's Law, PED edition—Take a look at this lede, and just try to convince me this is real outrage and not a parody of concern-trolling:...
You'll Never Get A Foul Ball Easier Than This One
From yesterday's SeaWolves-Curve game, Erie's Brandon Douglas fouled one directly into a cupholder. It was so unlikely, the radio announcer's voice broke. But really, lady—let him take the photo....
How Do You Ask Someone To Trim Their Pubic Hair?
Whoa hey, it's 4th of July week! Time to take the kids to the town fireworks celebration, fail to find a decent spot on the grass, get eaten by bugs, pull my hair out as the fireworks display starts two hours later than I want it to, and then watch half a firework explode from behind some asshole's ...
Dear Columnists: Enough With This “Patriot Way” Bullshit
It's been a while since we did a proper fisking of a terrible piece of sportswriting. Actually, we probably did it a few hours ago, but no matter: This putrid column from ESPN's Ashley Fox deserves special recognition. Fox, whose archive reads like a First Take producer's brainstorming session, has ...
The Time Has Come For Dan Snyder To Change His Name
Times change, people. There once was a day in America when the idea of two gay men openly marrying seemed absurd. There was once a day in America when segregation was the law of the land. But the arc of the moral universe bends toward justice, and today we no longer tolerate evil that in another er...
Which Are The Hardest American Sports To Break Into?
I was on a flight earlier this week when the cabin pressure changed and my ears popped. So I did the normal thing where you swallow five hundred times in a row and hope no one notices you swallowing so profusely, and nothing happened. My eardrums still felt like they were buried under a pile of sand...
No "Malicious Intention" For Rugby Player Who Grabbed Opponent's Balls
This is a few days old, but forgive us for being so late with it. International news about testicle-grabbing in rugby sometimes takes a while to get to us....
The NCAA Has Wagged Its Finger At Oregon And Chip Kelly
The NCAA's committee on infractions has spoken: Because of payments made to a recruiting service run by a guy who steered a prospect toward the Oregon football program, the Ducks have been hit with three years' probation and other penalties, most of which they had already imposed on themselves. Thus...
Smells Like Teen Spirit
This here's a good one, Donna Tartt's 1993 Harper's story: "Basketball Season, or Team Spirit: Memories of Being a Freshman Cheerleader for the Basketball Team":...
I Spent All Day Trying To Figure Out If These Are Lou Gehrig's Balls
Reader Mike wrote in to ask, "Did Sports Illustrated publish a picture of Lou Gehrig with his balls visible?" because those are the kind of questions we get. Your answer, Mike: I don't know. But it's not for a lack of research....
What's The Proper Way To Seat Two Couples At A Sporting Event?
I've been traveling a lot lately, and since I'm Mister Big Fancypants Author Person, I've been put up in nice hotels—the kind of boutique hotels where, if my parents were staying there, they wouldn't be able to figure out how to turn the lights on and shit. And the remarkable thing about these hotel...
Shushing Your Kid Is Idiotic
I have three children and they are loud. Just so fucking loud. They're the loudest creatures on the face of the Earth, howler monkeys included. ...
Help! My Balls Smell!
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....
Never Give Your Kid A Cold Shower: Advice From The Worst Dad On Earth
Excerpted from Someone Could Get Hurt: A Memoir of Twenty-First-Century Parenthood, which makes a great Father's Day gift for foul-mouthed dads everywhere....
The Four Most Punchable Faces In Human History
Before we get to the Funbag, some notes of vital interest. If you're in New York tomorrow night, I'll be doing Scott Rogowsky's Running Late show over in Brooklyn. It's like a live talk show-type thing. You can buy tickets here. You get a free beer (not kidding) if you mention Deadspin at the door, ...
Fuck You, Bill Belichick
I was close, Bill Belichick. I was thissss close to spending an entire NFL season free of Tebowmania, or Tebow Time, or whatever fucking brand stamp ESPN decides to put on all its coverage of the Jesusback. I was really looking forward to it, too. I was gonna watch every game safe in the knowledg...