balls Page 71 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Never Go To Jail On A Boat, And Other Kid Rock Cruise Lessons
I went on a five-day Kid Rock-themed cruise for GQ, which you can read all about right here. And if you read that article and you’re all like, “Rednecks and Kid Rock music and confined spaces at sea? THAT’S FOR ME!,” I must warn you that these cruises are NOT all-inclusive. You pay for booze, amigo....
The Eight Most Important Organs In The Male Body
I was at the grocery store the other day and I saw the most anorexic woman that I’ve ever seen in my life. We’re talking P.O.W.-thin. Her cheeks were grafted to her skull. She wore size–0 pants that hung off of her. Her arms were no thicker than curtain rods. It was one of the most haunting things I...
The Japanese Version Of <em>Sport Science</em> Is Awesome
We've said before in this space that ESPN's pseudoscientific Sport Science segments are "sneakily awful," but this weekend I happened across something from Japanese national broadcaster NHK that puts ESPN to shame....
Is The Scripps National Spelling Bee Evil?
NATIONAL HARBOR, Md.—That fucking bell. There’s always a split-second between the moment a contestant at the Scripps National Spelling Bee finishes a word and the moment that bell rings out, and in that split-second you can see everything: panic, fear, terror, embarrassment, denial, anger ... all of...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <em>Super Why!</em>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke....
An Angels Reliever Is Throwing A Pitch No One Has Seen In A Long Time
Robert Coello, a 28-year-old righty in the Angels' pen, has appeared in but eight games this season. Yet what games they were! He has faced 38 batters and struck out 18 of them, with only six hits and one walk allowed. What's to credit? A pitch that might be magic....
What If The President Were A Cokehead?
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering big dicks, broken jaws, uneaten cupcakes, and more. Image by Jim Cooke....
How To Be Completely Useless In A Medical Emergency
I was at the airport on Sunday night and I was in line at the Hudson News kiosk to buy a banana, and just as I got to the front of the line, a guy nearby shouted "MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN! CALL 911!" This big huge guy had collapsed and people were flocking around him, including the kiosk attendants. A fir...
Alex Sanabia Spit On The Ball. That Doesn't Mean He Threw A Spitball.
Alex Sanabia spit on the baseball. Just hocked a stringy, viscous loogie all over it. You can't get more blatantly illegal than that. Still: this isn't cheating....
How To Give A Best Man Toast That Doesn't Suck
We got this email the other day from reader Alex. It's the kind of email we get a lot round these parts:...
The <em>Someone Could Get Hurt</em> Live Funbag
If you've hung around the site for the past week, you're well aware that the Book-Whore-O-Bot 5000 has been booted up to help raise awareness for this book. I know this can be annoying. I know that, by the end of this week, you'll be like: "God, I'm so sick of that Drew. He can go fall off a fucking...
The Hater's Guide To Other Parents
I am not the greatest parent in the world. In fact, I wrote an entire book coming out today that indisputably proves that statement. I have been arrested. I have yelled at my children. I have experimented with odd forms of corporal punishment. And I have conspired with my children to commit petty mi...
You're Fucked, But You're Free: A Message To The Class Of 2013
It's May, which means it's time once again for actors and writers and politicians and whatever Thomas Friedman is to hit the graduation circuit and hold senior classes hostage for hours and hours in 85-degree heat. These grad speeches are little more than TED talks in funny hats. Trust me: One day...
Who Would Be Our Go-To Villain If Hitler Had Never Existed?
Are you gonna be in Austin, Texas, next Monday? Oh well, do I have a treat for you: ME, READING OUT LOUD. It's just like a lecture, only I never look up. Tell me you aren't enthused. You could even bring a date and then watch her storm out of the bookstore 10 minutes later! The reading starts at 7 p...
Searching For Anything But Bobby Fischer At School Scrabble Nationals
There are 45 tables set up down in Exhibit Hall C of the Woodley Park Marriott in Washington, D.C., a hotel roughly the size of the Pentagon. Each table has a black tablecloth, a Diamond Anniversary Edition Scrabble board, a crushed velvet tile bag, two racks, four all-purpose banquet chairs (able ...
Bill Simmons Is Sad About The Sports Emmys, So We Made A Prize For Him
It breaks our hearts whenever a big-name writerer—someone like Bill Simmons, or Chris Jones, or Jason Whitlock—doesn't get the temporal recognition from an elite sliver of elite opinion that he (and it's always he) demands. These men DESERVE their awards. They DESERVE to be showered in garlands and ...
Titus Young Will Take A Nap In Your AT&T Store
Titus Young isn't the kind of player to flame out in half-assed fashion. Oh no no no, when the man goes full turd, he REALLY goes full turd. And now here's a story from reader Ryan Randolph in which Titus Sr. takes his career immolation to another level by doing the whole Reese Witherspoon bit: ...