balls Page 72 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
All The Best Quotes From The American Hero Who Rescued Amanda Berry
This is Charles Ramsey, Cleveland resident and the man who dialed 911 after coming to the aid of Amanda Berry, a woman who had been abducted and held hostage by three brothers for over 10 years. Charles Ramsey is awesome. Listen as he describes the situation. Pay no attention to what appears to be ...
UWGB Hoops Coach Brian Wardle Will Make You Run Until You Poop
It takes a special kind of asshole coach to make you run hills until you vomit. But it takes an even MORE special kind of asshole coach to make you run hills until you shit your pants and then mock you all season long for shitting your pants. That's the accusation leveled against UW-Green Bay men's ...
Why Does It Matter If Jason Collins Is A "Bad" Pro Basketball Player?
Right behind the army of people congratulating Jason Collins for coming out today was a smaller army of dedicated wiseasses who were determined to remind you that Jason Collins has had a rather unremarkable 12-year NBA career....
Everyone Sucks At The NFL Draft. That's The Best Thing About It.
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew’s book, Someone Could Get Hurt, here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....
Taste Test: Why Is There A Strawberry Margarita In My Light Beer?
As someone with a lifelong passion for cheap, horrible beer, I couldn't have been more excited when I walked into a bodega the other day–the same bodega I go to every day to buy a bigass bottle of Coke Zero and a Jack Link's beef stick–and saw a stack of 12-packs of Bud Light Lime STRAW-ber-RITA rig...
Delta Gamma Promises To Punish The Girl Who Wrote That Batshit Letter
This letter, which was sent by a University of Maryland sorority sister to her "fucking AWKWARD" sisters, is a gift to the world and should be cherished by all those who are fortunate enough to read it. The Delta Gamma president and executive director, however, do not feel the same way. They have is...
Boston, Newtown, Challenger: How To Talk To Kids About Awful Things
I was in fourth grade at Myrtle Schumann Elementary School in Orono, Minn., when the Challenger exploded. I didn't see the shuttle explode live on TV. We were in our class doing our usual lessons as word of the disaster spread. I remember a little kid named Jason broke the news to me personally....
"WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR": A Sorority Girl Lashes Out At Her Sisters
I always like to picture sororities as places where college girls stage elaborately decorated mixers and then spend the rest of the week gouging out each other's eyes. And thankfully, the remarkable email you're about to read proves all of my theories correct. From reader Erik: "This is from the U...
Pat Summerall: The Last Of The Hard Voices
At my gym the other day, half of the television screens were showing an episode of Dr. Phil. You don't need me to tell you that Dr. Phil sucks, so I grabbed a magazine and went about the business of not looking at his big stupid head. But then I saw Pat Summerall in the studio with him and suddenly ...
Man Gives Kid Foul Ball, Kid Immediately Throws It Back On The Field
Baseball fandom has its unwritten rules too, and toward the top is If you catch a foul ball, give it to a small child sitting near you. Maybe it's time to rethink that one, because kids are ingrates....
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>The Fresh Beat Band</i>
A regular look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke....
All Hail The Fucking Curse Word Bracket Winner
A couple nights ago, I was tucking my kid into bed when I accidentally knocked over a picture frame and it made the loudest possible noise a falling picture frame could make. When it happened, I let out a slow and low, "Fuuuuuuuuuck." Then I turned to my kid and she repeated it back to me, exactly...
Sophie The Giraffe Must Die
Before I get to the question of the week, I just want to let you know that I'm gonna do an AMA over at Reddit tomorrow at 1 p.m. And you might think to yourself, "Hey, how's that different from a Live Funbag"? Well, uh ... look, I'll explain it all tomorrow. Just put on your Troll Face and go. Now, ...
Mariners Fan Catches Foul Ball In Beer, Chugs Beer
Not a ton of excitement in last night's loss to the Astros. Right now on the team site, the highlights are "Kelly Shoppach's first home run as a Mariner," "Bobby LaFromboise strikes out two in his major league debut," and "Michael Saunders crashes into the outfield wall." Saunders will go on the DL ...
What Being A Coach Should Mean In The 21st Century
Rutgers gave athletic director Tim Pernetti the boot on Friday after Mike "50 Hot Ones Comin' At Ya!" Rice was shitcanned for turning basketball practice into his own dodgeball refresher course. But because the only thing he did that was truly anathema to the big-time sports hivemind was to get caug...