balls Page 84 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dogs Are Not Your Manhood's Best Friend
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Here's Why Chris Berman Calling An NFL Game Is A Terrible Idea (In Case You Needed A Reminder)
Over the years, ESPN has used the second game of the annual Week 1 Monday Night Football doubleheader as a kind of test kitchen, to see just how much bullshit American sports fans can tolerate. We've been subjected to Mike Greenberg, Mike Golic, and Mike Ditka, all at once. Twice. And now, as the ch...
The College Football Playoff Is The Best Sports Innovation Of Our Generation
I remember being baffled by college football from the very beginning. I was the only sports fan in my family. My parents didn't give a shit about sports. My brother and sister didn't give a shit about sports. If I wanted to learn how different sports functioned—how to watch them—I was more or less o...
How To Eat Dog Shit: A Condiments Guide
Before we get to the Funbag, two things. First of all, I'm on vacation next week. So we're gonna have another guest Funbag host to answer all your questions. To send a Funbag submission to our guest host, just email the tips line. The good thing about submitting questions to the guest host is that y...
![The Titanic Of Failed Hookup Stories [Very NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17qlcwcwdbh0sjpg.jpg)
The Titanic Of Failed Hookup Stories [Very NSFW]
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
LeBron James: World Champion Cocksucker
I know that last night was supposed to be LeBron James's face turn and that, while he warmly celebrates his first title with teammates and family, I'm supposed to see LeBron in a whole new light. Maybe he's not such a bad guy. Maybe this playoff run has brought out a depth of character heretofore un...
Know Your RedTube, And Other Advice: The Dadspin Guide To Internet Parenting
I have three children, the oldest of whom is web literate. She can work a mouse. She can open Chrome. She can type. And she can Google shit, which is terrifying because you never know when Google Image Search will decide to hand you an image of a big hairy penis, even if you're using the default MOD...
What Women's Sport Has Inspired The Most Self-Gratification?
I was hanging with my kid the other day and she sprung this on me:...
A Mural Featuring Mike McQueary Tastefully Adorns Happy Valley Titty Bar
Reader Jayme recently returned from a trip to the End Zone Club, a titty joint located in scenic Port Matilda, Pa., just 13 miles away from the Penn State campus. He files this report:...
Dan Snyder's Official Team Bio Is A Tour De Force Of Bullshit
When you think of Redskins owner Dan Snyder, you think of a miserable, gutless sack of shit who ruined a franchise and made an entire fanbase hate his guts. Ah, but that's just how Dan Snyder is perceived in the real world. The world of official team bios, on the other hand, is magical place where a...
Man Gives Child Baseball, Child Tries To Throw Baseball Back
We saw something like this happen earlier in the season with a young Royals fan in Kansas City. This time the setting was Tampa Bay, where once again the impressionable little guy was only mimicking what he was watching out on the field. Note that at the very end of the video the father had the ball...
"I Will Give You 5 Blowjobs If You Take Me To See <em>Brokeback Mountain</em>," She Said
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Manny Ramirez's Dreads Will Cause Drug Use, Abortion, Gayness, Blindness, Fan Tells The A's Triple-A Affiliate In Insane Voicemail
This disgruntled fan of the Sacramento River Cats would like you to know that she is NOT fuddy duddy. Nor is she a crackpot. She just thinks that Manny Ramirez's dreadlocks are the reason that "unwholesomeness" is spreading across the American landscape. I strongly urge you to listen to this voic...
No, I Will Not Fix The Overflowing Toilet Today: The Dadspin Father's Day Manifesto
Father's Day is a con. Every year, I expect to have a Father Day's filled with unlimited blackjack and gunfire-scented cologne, and every year it ends up being like every other goddamn NFL-free Sunday in existence. Father's Day is supposed to be MY day, but most of the time my family abandons any pr...
Dear ESPN: Your Movie-Tie-In Promos Suck
I was watching the NBA Finals last night. Or, at least, I was attempting to watch them. ESPN was unconcerned with my ability to watch the fucking game and much more interested in running 17 different introductory segments to the game. This is what ESPN always does. They run a dramatic intro to the g...
What Are The Odds You'll Kill An Old Person With Your Cold?
Your letters:...
Cockblocked By The Dreaded Hanger-On
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
How To Not Piss Off The World With Your Email Signature
I once worked at an ad agency that forced employees to use an email signature. And not only did we have to have an email signature, but we had to rotate in new talking points about the company into the signature every week. "Did you know that Sturding Pooper Raper Lice was ranked a Top 50 Agency by ...
It Takes A Special Kind Of Mom To Disown Her Child Over Voicemail
Once in a while, we're offered a glimpse into the dark heart of the American family. The above voicemail is one such instance. Reader Ben provides the background:...
Dwyane Wade Copes With Brutal Game 5 Loss By Wearing Stupid Glasses
First it was Russell Westbrook, and now it's Dwyane Wade rocking a pair of glasses without lenses in the postgame locker room. Wade may be a fashionable man, but you can't pull off this look after you got your ass beat. LENS-FREE GLASSES ARE FOR CLOSERS. I'm not gonna go as far as Yahoo's Dan Wetzel...