balls Page 87 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Czech Women Will Use You As A Bodyguard
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Diamondbacks Fan Catches Foul Ball, Does Not Drop Pizza
This happened Monday night, but it was only brought to our attention today. Let's blame the fact that the Pirates were playing. Anyway, just throw it in the pile with all those other videos of guys catching foul balls while holding a baby or a cup of beer, while one of the announcers cracks wise a...
Which Celebrity Would Be The Best To Eat?
A lot of people wrote in last week in response this Dadspin post, particularly other dads who had been through similar situations. I don't really have a good place to post these letters—seems inappropriate to put letters about endangered babies in a feature called DEAD LETTERS—but I just wanted to s...
Pain Is A Gift, And Other Notes From A Terrified Father During A Seven-Week-Premature Birth
When the baby cried, I knew it wasn't gonna die. They had just pulled my son out of my wife and whisked him over to one of those fancy hotel pans that you put newborns in, and there was a brief moment when he said nothing, which you don't want. You want the baby to cry. You want confirmation that th...
Report: Basketball Hero Skip Bayless Actually Averaged 1.4 Points Per Game As A High School Senior
About a week ago, we told you about the high school exploits of "starting point guard" Skip Bayless. According to Skip, he started for the team that would eventually lose in the state finals. Turns out, Skip Bayless is a fibber. Or, maybe his coach just had an unconventional way of constructing his...
The Restorative Power Of The Chick-Fil-A Banana Pudding Milkshake
I've had a bad week. Not just a normal bad week, where you stub your toe and your DVR forgets to record Best Sex Ever or something like that. I mean, a legitimate bad week, where your loved ones are hospitalized and you crash your car into an illegal immigrant while going TO the hospital to visit yo...
Cockblocked By The SDSU Aztec!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
10 Historical Events That Would've Been Completed In The Interval Between MLB's First And Last Opening Days This Year
1. Anglo-Zanzibar War (38 minutes) 2. Death and resurrection of Jesus (according to Bible) (36 hours) 3. October Revolution (2 days) 4. Bay of Pigs Invasion (3 days) 5. Operation Desert Fox (4 days) 6. The ground conflict of the Gulf War (4 days) 7. February Revolution (5 days) 8. Six-Day War (6 day...
Shitting While Skydiving: A Physics Experiment
I apologize for not posting yesterday's Funbag on time. Due to various circumstances, you only get a half Funbag today, and I may have to work a limited schedule this month. But fear not: Everything will be back to normal soon. If by normal, you mean talking about hypothetical superpowers and poopin...
When Does Major League Baseball Season Begin?
When is Opening Day? Did you know it already happened? This week, the Mariners and Athletics split a two-game series in the Tokyo Dome. Kids in Oakland and Seattle rushed home from school to watch them from 2 to 5 a.m....
It’s Always More Fun When When It’s Your Wife Vomiting
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Gentlemen, Please Stop Crushing Vaginas
I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, and at some point during our conversation, we both agreed that the epidemic of American brosephs "crushing" and "killing" things has gotten way out of hand....
Great Moments In Bedroom Pratfalls
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
The Five Major Nonsexual Male Daydreams
I was at the airport last night and I lost big at Rental Car Roulette. I kept waiting for my rental car company's shuttle to show up as wave after wave of other, better companies had busses whizzing by every six seconds. I must have seen 37 Hertz buses while I stood out there like a GASH. You will p...
What Happens When A 35-Year-Old Man Retakes The SAT?
I took the SAT a grand total of one time when I was in dipshit prep school. This was 1993. Like any other kid, I wanted to do well on the test, primarily so that I would NEVER have to take it again, but also because kids at my school were real dicks about their SAT scores. You'd hear through the gra...
John Elway Has Brass Balls
Whether or not you agree with an NFL team handing a potential $60 million in guarantees to a guy who has neck leprosy, I think that we can come to a consensus on one thing: John Elway has really big balls. HUGE balls. Balls the size of light bulbs. His balls are so big, you could harvest stem cells ...
Tired Of Using Vacation Days For March Madness? Just Get a Vasectomy
This, this is pretty crazy if you ask me. It would appear that many men (sometimes a more than 50 percent increase) opt to get a vasectomy in March in order to cash in on the couple days off it affords in order to watch the NCAA Tournament....
Cockblocked On St. Patrick's Day!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Here's Blake Griffin Airballing Consecutive Free Throws
Blake Griffin is good at many things, like dunking and shilling inexpensive Korean automobiles. He is also not very good at some things, and one of them is shooting free throws. Don't expect much reaction from the Clippers broadcast team, though—they're too busy debating the merits of Tracy McGra...