ballsdeep Page 24 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Let’s Move The Raiders To Vegas
By now we’re all so used to NFL relocation talk that the first impulse is to ignore all the recent reports that Oakland Raiders owner and embarrassing ’70s yearbook photo Mark Davis is toying with the idea of moving the team to Las Vegas. Remember, it took decades for the NFL to finally sack up and ...
On Safe Spaces: A Message For College Graduates
Oh God, it’s graduation season. Can’t we pause this somehow? I just got done adjusting to the LAST graduating class entering the workforce and ruining everything. Can’t we put a five-year moratorium on graduations so that the rest of the world can take a breather? You’re all exhausting and terrible,...
What Is The Most Pretentious Musical Instrument?
If you’ve ever heard Jack White go through his marimba phase, or seen a dude waltz onto a subway car holding a djembe drum, you know there are some pretty goddamn pretentious instruments out there. But which one is the worst offender, and why is it always the bagpipes? That’s the subject of this wee...
How To Be A Radiohead Fan Without Being A Dipshit About It
Radiohead dropped a new single this week called “Burn The Witch” and it’s fucking gold. It sounds like a Smiths song and a Hitchcock film score hopped in bed together. I’ve listened to it twenty times over the past day, and now I’m afraid everyone is out to get me. It’s all of the paranoia of cocain...
George Will Is A Haughty Dipshit
George Will should have been left unemployed and starving ages ago. Newspapers are dying off and people despise the media more than they have ever despised the media—which is saying a lot—and yet here fucking George Will remains, along with the Noonans and Friedmans and Brookses of the world, gainfu...
What Is The Best Room For Holding An Orgy?
You may have heard that Tinder is testing out a new multi-person swipe function called Tinder Social that will, presumably, allow the nation’s swingers easier access to orgy participants and orgy planning. But how will YOU prepare for this erotic, utopian future where people are fucking in groups an...
The NFL’s Desperation For Quarterbacks Is Destroying Quarterbacks
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Preorder his new book here....
Does An Intentional Walk Ruin A No-Hitter?
Okay, so before I get into the Funbag, some quick appearance news. I’m gonna be at this big Towson sports career speaker series on draft night. It’s at the Greene Turtle (CLASSY), and open to the public. Also, next month, I’m gonna read the first couple of chapters from The Hike over at the Howard C...
Widehawks Look Terrible
We’re at the point now where the wide Mohawk haircut—clean-shaven on the sides, business at the back, party size of your choice up top—has become a staple hairstyle for athletes all over the world. But why? Why the fuck have so many athletes decided to rock extreme negburns and walk around looking l...
The 32 Most Memorable Quotes From <i>Avatar</i>
Yesterday, director and planet-eater James Cameron announced his intentions to make not one, not two, but FOUR sequels to 2009's Avatar, the second-highest-grossing film of all time. In the wake of that announcement, there was a fake quote passed around, with Cameron stating that one of the reasons ...
Let’s Talk About Proper Grammatical Usage Of The Word "Porn"
This week, a Deadcast listener sent in a question about using the word “porn” versus the word “porno.” And even though NO ONE uses the term “porno” anymore except old bros like me who pine for the porno-y days of the 1980s, I am of the firm belief that those two words do NOT mean the same thing, and...
Your Last-Minute, Pants-Shitting Guide To Taxes
Oh holy living fuck, Tax Day is Monday! Have you filed yet? Do you owe penalties? SHIT YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING JAIL. You better run. I know a place in Mexico where you can lie low for a bit while the Feds go searching for you. It’ll buy you the time you need, and then you can jump a shipping freight...
ESPN's Insane Adam LaRoche Puff Piece Features LaRoche Liberating Sex Slaves
ESPN’s Tim Keown did a deep dive on former White Sox 1B/DH Adam LaRoche today, the kind of purple-hued schlongread that purports to tell you the REAL STORY of LaRoche’s decision to walk away from baseball after White Sox boss Ken Williams asked him to stop bringing his son to the ballpark every day....
Of Course Adam Schefter Bought Into Greg Hardy's Bullshit
By now you know that Greg Hardy sat down for a VERY SERIOUS conversation with ESPN this week and turded up the joint the way only Greg Hardy can. He denied any wrongdoing, insinuated that these pictures could have been manipulated, and tossed in an empty Bible shout-out for good measure. Keep in min...
The Dadspin Explainer: Hitler
Here at Dadspin, we understand how difficult it is to explain certain subjects to your children. This is why we’ve created Dadspin Explainer, a handy running guide to teaching your children about really horrible shit. ...