band Page 8 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Fox San Diego Sports Anchor Implies Danica Patrick Is A Bitch
Ross Shimabuku, Fox 5 San Diego's current sports anchor could teach a master class in subtlety. Of course, no one would know a thing about what "subtlety" means, but the arts are a dying skill anyway....
The Piggyback Bandit Has Now Been Banned From High School Sporting Events In Minnesota, Too
On Friday we brought you an update to the story of Sherwin Shayegan, the inveterate piggyback bandit, who's spread his terror throughout the northern United States over the past several years....
28-Year-Old Man Banned From North Dakota High School Basketball Games After Allegedly Dressing In Uniform And Asking For Piggyback Rides
Last we checked in with the "Piggyback Bandit," a little over two years ago, he was terrorizing the state of Washington, lurking around libraries and gyms and stealing piggyback rides from unsuspecting athletes....
Here's The Tim Tebow And 9/11 Connection You Never Thought Anyone Was Dumb Enough To Make
Tebowmania died Saturday night, but not before Stu Bykofsky of the Philadelphia Daily News went there in his column on Friday:...
Idiot Columnist Writes Idiot Column About Ovechkin And Steroids
John Steigerwald—he of the "Bryan Stow deserved to get beaten into a coma" column—is at it again. This time the Washington (Pa.) Observer-Reporter observer/reporter sets his poorly-focused sights on Alexander Ovechkin. Since his numbers have taken a dip, and also a steroid doctor who Ovechkin has ne...
That Mean Columbia Marching Band Has Been Un-Banned From Performing At The 0-9 Football Team's Last Game
You did it, Deadspin readers! Or at least our friends at the Columbia Spectator say you did it:...
Columbia Bans Marching Band From 0-9 Football Team's Finale Because The Band Made Fun Of The Team
Aw, horseshit. The Ivy League fun police have lost their damn minds. Columbia's banned its marching band from playing at the football team's final game this weekend, because, after the last game, the band made fun of the team with new lyrics to the school's fight song. Please....
Meet The Minor Leaguer And Scam Artist Who Sold A Pittsburgh Pirate To Australia
Surely it was a surprising development when Pirates outfielder Xavier Paul agreed to sign with the Brisbane Bandits of the Australian Baseball League this season. But his agent dotted the I's and crossed the T's, and Brisbane rolled out the red carpet for Paul to make his debut last week....
Seven-Time Ohio Columnist Of The Year Wonders If Maybe Students Didn't Enjoy Being Sexed By Their Teacher
Paul Daugherty, in addition to having a regular gig on SI.com, has been a sports columnist at the Cincinnati Enquirer for a long, long time. So long that they've given him a daily "write about whatever shit you want to" column, which appears to run with minimal editing....
Idiot Utah Sports Columnist More Or Less Calls Amar'e Stoudemire A Dumb Negro
Doug Robinson, the resident paste-eating troglodyte at the Deseret News, has gone and written a truly remarkable column this week....
All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Kristallnacht (UPDATE WITH VIDEO)
Hank Williams Jr., who exists solely to remind us that genius skips a generation, has some thoughts on John Boehner playing golf with Barack Obama: “That would be like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu. Not hardly. In the shape this country is in?” [Huffington Post]...
Djokovic-Federer Had Nothing On Christ-Satan, Says Writer Who Is Not Joking
"The match between Djokovic and Federer in New York was quite a spectacle, but it was nothing compared to Christ's victory over sin and death and Satan. 'And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.' (Colossians 2:15) Memo to ...
The Dumbass Who Blamed Bryan Stow For Getting Beaten Into A Coma Wants To Watch Michael Vick Blow His Knees Out
Writes dumbass John Steigerwald about Michael Vick's $100 million contract, "Here's hoping he blows out his knee on his next snap."...
Rafael Nadal's Leg Cramps Made For An Awkward Press Conference Yesterday
This video will make anyone who's ever suffered from a muscle cramp cringe. Rafael Nadal was settling in for a post-match press conference after a straight-set win over David Nalbandian yesterday when he was suddenly hit with the pain of a stiffened calf muscle....
Presenting The World’s Dick-Suckingest Derek Jeter Column
In a world where every member of the sports media lines up enthusiastically to lap up whatever fluid comes out of Derek Jeter's penis, we now have a new champion when it comes to Jeter's canonization. It comes from Ian O'Connor at ESPN, and it made Ken Tremendous cry. Come take a look at this shit....
German Newspaper Credits Dirk, "First White MVP Since Larry Bird," With Defeating "Ghetto Basketball"
We regret to be working in translation here, because this piece, from Die Welt's Peter Schilling, might just be more objectionable in German. Here's the translated version, working from this original....
Why Grantland Rice Sucked
Grantland Rice was everything his namesake website should aspire not to be. He was a pandering mythmaker who wrote verse and prose the way Thomas Kinkade paints carriage lanes ("The Hills of Fame still beckon where the Paths of Glory lead …"). Reading him today is not unlike looking at your maiden a...
Heat Fan Uses Windowless Van To Call Out "Sixters" Fans, Haters In General (Update)
It would be easy to quibble with the fact that brunch comes before lunch in general order of meals eaten, but art is subjective and best when open to multiple interpretations. Translation: this artist might have been layering in a message by not putting the Celtics before the Bulls....
Why Yes, One Cleveland Writer Did Offer Up A Nazi Death-Camp Gas For Use As Dirk Nowitzki's Nickname
And it was Scott Raab (yesterday). Oh, don't get all "How dare you belittle millions of deaths for a joke the morally depraved community doesn't even so much as giggle at?" He apologized 13 hours later, while nobly driving page views to a story he wrote last year about retired U.S. autoworker/convi...
Alabama Football Player Found Dead; <em>ESPN Insider</em> Has The Story On Which Player Can Best Replace Him
The University of Alabama has confirmed that Aaron Douglas, an offensive lineman, was found dead in Florida this morning. There are no more details regarding the nature of his death, but ESPN Insider's Albert Lin is ahead of the news in some awful way: earlier this afternoon, the "Rumor Central" wri...