baseball Page 126 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Vile Cardinals Thwarted By Lorenzo Cain's Game-Ending Dong-Robbery

Opening Day, baby! Many good teams—the Yankees, the Dodgers, the Phillies, the Astros, the A’s—looked impressive; certain lousy teams—looking straight at you, Orioles—looked inept in a way that is possible to find charming in the very first game of the year. But wherever your team fell in all of thi...

Dodgers Set New Opening Day Record By Bashing Eight Dingers

The Dodgers kicked off the 2019 season in style, destroying the Diamondbacks at home for an easy 12-5 win. The final 11 of those runs came courtesy of eight dingers, the most any team has ever hit on opening day. That ties a Dodgers franchise record for homers in any game and comfortably surpasses t...

Hell Is Trying To Get Into A Ballpark On Opening Day

Opening Day is here again, and you know what that means: hot dogs, dingers, the smell of the freshly mowed grass, and also the experience of standing in a line for 45 minutes because overdramatic security measures and some pointless new technology means that fans are slowly being let into the ballpa...

And Now It's The Baseball Season

Even if you are someone who cares about the sport a great deal, there is more ebb than flow to the average baseball season. There are moments and milestones over the course of the year that are authentically exciting, but it’s the nature of the season that every one of them is followed by a long lan...

Which Online Edgelord Mishaps Will Derail Trevor Bauer's Season?

It’s Opening Day, folks, and you know what that means: It’s time to speculate and make predictions about the upcoming major league baseball season. Which teams will win the divisions, wild cards, pennants, and World Series? Who’s gonna sock a ton of dingers? Which bizarre Internet Libertarian ailmen...

Dear God

Baseball Will Outlive These Complaints Too

When His Exalted Malignancy Magary I churned out his latest Funbag under the headline “Would You Rather Be Born Old Or Die Young?” I thought of baseball, and how it has become this new battleground for the end of one generation at the neglectful hands of the next. That’s the New Narrative, ladles an...

The Best Way To See America Is To Visit Every Last Minor League Ballpark

Not long after the 2017 World Series ended in a dogpile of happy Houston Astros, Bart Wilhelm began planning his first big trip of the 2018 season. For more than half a decade, Wilhelm has been “chasing” Minor League ballparks, with the goal of attending a game in all 159 of them. Wilhelm began the ...

<i>Sports Illustrated</i> Publishes Anonymous Scout's Tantrum Over Odubel Herrera [Update]

Sports Illustrated published its season previews for every MLB team today, and the entry for the Philadelphia Phillies features a trip back to a time when an anonymous scout dog-whistling a non-white player was a regular genre in sportswriting....

How Much Longer Will Baseball Stadiums Be For Baseball Fans?

MLB’s attendance, you might have heard, was down last year, around four percent by season’s end. The league’s front office, represented by anthropomorphized wet blanket Rob Manfred, has operated under the assumption that pace of play is the issue, arguing that “putting the best entertainment product...

Here Come The Padres

After an exceedingly depressing offseason, in which months passed without anything happening and top free agents remain unsigned and two-thirds of the league evinced no interest in winning, it is time to feel good. Feel good about the weather warming, feel good that it’s just one day until real, act...

Steven Souza Jr. Tore Up His Left Knee By Slipping On Home Plate

Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder Steven Souza Jr. suffered some catastrophic tears in his left knee Monday night in one of his team’s final exhibition games before the start of the season, after he slipped on home plate while scoring a run. He’ll be forced to miss the 2019 season....

Holy Shit, The Mets Actually Paid Jacob deGrom

For an offseason defined by a glacial market, collusion-adjacent bad vibes, and the inexplicable unemployment of a number of useful big league free agents with opening day now in sight, the last week or so has been very busy. Instead of entering what is clearly a badly malfunctioning free agent mark...

MLB Suspends Giants CEO Larry Baer Without Pay For Physical Altercation With His Wife

The MLB front office announced today that commissioner Robert Manfred has suspended San Francisco Giants CEO and minority owner Larry Baer until July 1 of this year—essentially half the baseball season—without pay for the altercation with his wife that was caught on video and published by TMZ earlie...

Mets' Flight To Dreaded Syracuse Grounded On Tarmac For Three Hours, Of Course

The New York Mets took some heat from star pitcher Noah Syndergaard for scheduling an inexplicable workout in Syracuse between the end of spring training in St. Lucie, Florida, and their regular season opener in Washington, D.C. The trip necessitated a three-hour bus ride to Sarasota, and then a la...

Noah Syndergaard Is Very Unhappy That The Mets Are Making Him Go To Syracuse<em></em>

Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard got honest with the media today, slamming the decision-makers at his club over their apparent reluctance to sign Jacob deGrom to a contract extension, and also their travel itinerary. They’re forcing the players to go to Syracuse, for god’s sake!...

The Mariners Have Chosen The Way Of Enlightenment Over The Way Of Winning Baseball Games

The Seattle Mariners had a weird 2018 season, winning 89 games but producing a negative run differential and finishing third in the AL West, eight games back of the last Wild Card. The glass-half-full view on their season highlights the wins and the respectable jump they made up the league standings...

Rays Bravely Decide To Pay Blake Snell More Than The League Minimum

Less than two weeks after Blake Snell made it known how miffed he was that his team would pay him only barely more than the league minimum the year after he won the Cy Young, the Rays pitcher has signed a much richer five-year extension with the club. He’ll get paid about eight times the $573,700 th...

Ichiro Forever

The news circulated through the Tokyo Dome soon after first pitch. As reported by Kyodo News, Ichiro Suzuki had told the Mariners he would retire after the game. A real retirement this time; not the stepping-away of last May, when it became clear that the aged Japanese superstar didn’t have major-le...

Does MLB Care If No One Cares?<em></em>

“The Rays have the right under the collective bargaining agreement to renew me at or near the league-minimum salary,” defending American League Cy Young Award winner Blake Snell said in a statement issued on the day the Rays re-upped his contract with a $15,500 raise. Some $10,000 of that raise was ...