baseball Page 384 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior
Slate's Robert Weintraub, like many of us, loves the old purple prose of early 1900s sportswriting, the Red Smiths, the Grantland Rices, the men who painted epic tales of warriors, grizzled combatants and lardywarks too manly to wear gloves. In an occasional series, Weintraub writes about the week's...
Surprisingly, Alcohol May Have Been Involved
If it wasn't for those screens in the outfield at Wrigley, fat drunken Cubs fans would be flopping onto the warning track like tuna on the deck of a Japanese fishing boat. "We caught another one, Lou!" I loved it when they used the gaffe hook to haul him back in....
Will Clark Is A Cackling Douche
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel, and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th ) awf...
The Pope Should Wipe His Feet Before Entering Yankee Stadium
The Pope turns 81 years old today — 10 years older than John McCain, and just three years older than Julio Franco — and he's celebrating it in Washington, D.C. with President Bush. (What better way?) He will be celebrating mass at the new Nationals Stadium, which means we're going to assume Elijah D...
Ortiz Slump Officially Over. Thanks, Yankees!
Here's the thing, Yankees fans. You may have thought that you were heading off some sort of curse by digging up that David Ortiz jersey that was buried beneath your new stadium. But consider this: While the jersey remained buried, it's owner was hitting .070; last in the majors. In his first game ba...
Can You Outeat Journalism's Top Professionals?
We haven't been to McAfee Coliseum this year — and judging by the attendance figures, few of you have either — but much ado has been made about the upper deck's All You Can Eat package, which is $35, not counting medical bills. How much could you eat?...
Wade Boggs And His Mullet Appear On ESPN
For those of you who saw Wade Boggs on "Baseball Tonight" this weekend — the one ESPN show we never, ever miss — you are probably wondering the same thing The Sports Hernia was wondering: When's "Road House 3" coming out?...
Scott Spiezio Continues To Drown In Boozy River Of Sadness
Former major leaguer Scott Spiezio's tumultuous battle with alcoholism has been marred by some ugly incidents. But even though the 35-year-old Spiezio had some extremely heavy baggage, the Atlanta Braves took a flyer on the guy, hoping he could get his life together and earn a spot on the Braves ros...
Parsing Out The Tigers Meltdown
We don't have the heart, really, to check in with any of our Detroit Tigers friends, right now, from longtime Deadspin commenter fave Alex Balk to Ben Mathis Lilley to Defamer's Mark Graham. Not much is worse than expecting your team to dominate, and then watching as they start out two-and-freaking-...
In Praise Of The Devil Rays
Some fun facts about your Tampa Bay Rays: Their Class AA affiliate is the Montgomery Biscuits ... Jeff Niemann, who won his major league debut on Sunday by throwing six innings of one-run ball, is already known by Rays fans as The Knight Who Says Ni ... with Niemann moving up to the bigs, the Rays ...
New York Now Free From The Menace Of Buried Cloth
There have been a little more than 9,000 unsolved murders in New York City since 1985; many of the victims buried in cement, do doubt. But thank God we've solved this case: The Yankees have dug up a Red Sox jersey on Sunday that had been planted beneath their new stadium by a construction worker. An...
No Stunt Pitcher Needed
Apparently all the Dodgers' offense needed was a kick in the ass from a guy who things while Brett Ratner tells him to make goofy faces. LA's bats finally broke out, and at the expense of San Diego's Chris Young of all people. Andre Ethier went 3-5 including one of the team's three home runs (Furcal...
Dontrelle Is Injured, Fat
Dontrelle Willis lasted all of 14 pitches before leaving with a hyper-extended knee, but he was just as shitty before the injury. The high-kicking lefty couldn''t seem to get his kick all the way up, which the Baseball Tonight crew was quick to attribute to his physique, which can only be described...
Jose Canseco's Lawyer Finally Released Into The Wild
You may remember, from Pat Jordan's already famous story for us about trying to interview Jose Canseco, his lawyer "Rob," a "a Cherokee Indian from North Carolina" who, after four years working for Jose, had yet to be paid. Well, Canseco might have just done Rob — whose real name is Robert Saunooke ...
Giants Win Three Straight? That's Unpossible!
What the fungus is going on here? About a month ago during spring training, The Dugout over at AOL asked Giants fans if they would rather have Rich Aurilia beat them senseless with construction site debris, or have Barry Bonds back for another season. I of course chose the former, and braced myself ...
Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday
We turned exactly 32-and-a-half yesterday, and that got us to thinking about how we should celebrate our 33rd birthday, because we are not one of those people who are bashful about birthdays. Karaoke party? Chevy's fiesta? Ritualistic human sacrifice? We decided to just listen to Tampa Bay Devil Ray...
Wade Boggs Doomed To Fail On Baseball Tonight
Wade Boggs, venerable hit machine and moustachioed gadabout, has always seemed to be an odd, shady guy. There was that messy affair with Margo Adams. Then he started popping up in hair plug commercials. Then he inducted WWE's Curt Henning into the Wrestling Hall of Fame last year. His boozing on ro...
The Colorado Rockies Own All The Hip Catchphrases
Remember when Pat Riley trademarked the phrase "Three-peat?" It's a good thing he did, because, you know, his team couldn't three-peat in the NBDL right now. Well, the Colorado Rockies have absorbed Riley's lesson: They're attempting to trademark the term "Rocktober."...
Observations From Opening Night At Shea
We attended our first baseball game of the season last night, a sloppy, ugly, slightly comical 8-2 Mets win over the Phillies. We tried to attribute it to a cold April night, but seriously, we're not sure the Phillies were actually wearing gloves....
It Is Not Wise To Anger Albert Pujols
Now this is what you like to see. Albert Pujols, immersed in controversy, steaming mad and clouting homers. The Cardinals ripping up the NL Central despite preseason predictions of Epic Fail. Tony La Russa, legally sober according to state law. On Wednesday, Pujols — perhaps angered by this post — e...