bears Page 56 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Please Refrain From Soiling The Spirit Of The Olympics With Your Hirsute Homosexuality
Here's an amusing story out of Washington involving an alternative lifestyle organization (The Northwest Bears) and the stuffy policies of the United States Olympic Committee. The Bears were busy promoting their annual summer campout which they originally dubbed "Kamp Kodiak 2008 Olympic Village," u...
Rex Grossman or Kyle Orton? A Coin Flip Shall Decide Chicago's Quarterbacking Fate
It's only July and already Bears fans are terrified. Who's going to start at quarterback: The mediocre bearded guy or the mediocre short guy? Well, even the players themselves can't decide. So they did what any reasonable, competitive football player would do...they flipped a coin. Cue the Chicago T...
Mike Ditka's Balance Is Not What It Used To Be
I've never been to a celebrity roast for anyone but I like to think this happens every time. Paul Hornung takes the stage and welcomes the roastee to the rostrum, roastee is wasted, knocks over his own table when standing, and then crumbles to the ground when shoved by Hornung. See Mr. Bear's finest...
Cedric Benson Runs Past More Red Lights Than Defenders
Cedric Benson, a month removed from a Sun Chips-fueled boozy boating excursion with mom gone awry, was charged with drunk driving this morning in Texas. This will surely help to build sympathy for him against what he says were trumped up charges issued during the May 3 incident....
Lance Briggs Is The New Shawn Kemp
You say you like the Athletes Making Babies site? Well, then you're gonna love the tale of the smooth operator that is Bears linebacker Lance Briggs....
Like Zombies And Hillary Clinton, Brett Favre Will Not Go Away
It would almost be worth going through a whole new cycle of Brett-Favre-is-unretiring stories to see him in a Chicago Bears uniform in 2009. I said almost. According to Leroy Butler as reported by MSNBC, Favre wants to play this coming season, but not with the Packers. But then, with whom?...
1st Round, Fourteenth Overall: Bears Select Chris Williams
There are worse things to watch than the Bears offense. For example, there's: 1) Put up Your Dukes 2) Your maiden aunt shaving her legs, etc. 3) Fake-reality YouTube videos of a teenage emo-girl whispering her breathy secrets ("my parents hate me") into a webcam 2.3 millimeters away from her chin....
He Just Wanted To Quit Show Business And Follow The Cubs
I n a delayed reaction that I judge to be perfectly normal after having worked on a movie with Woody Harrelson, the bear which was featured in Semi-Pro killed its trainer on Tuesday. It happened in Big Bear Lake, Calif., and was reported to Variety by sheriff's spokeswoman Cindy Beavers. Hey, I'm ju...
Allison Stokke Madness Resurfaces With A Vengeance
Once again, University of California pole vaulter Allison Stokke is being hunted by the wandering trolls of the internet, thanks to the emergence of new photos featuring the athletic teenager wearing her required sporting uniform and holding a giant pole .Her dad, the chronically annoyed and litigio...
NCAA Pants Party: Purdue Vs. Baylor
Purdue Boilermakers (24-8) vs. Baylor Bears (21-10) When: Thursday, 2:30 p.m. Where: Washington, D.C....
Baylor Bears
1. Dave Bliss was a real dick. Much has been made of the job Scott Drew has done to clean up the mess that was left him, but you really can't quite overstate it. To remind you, former Baylor coach Dave Bliss made illegal payments to his players, and, when he was busted, after the death of Patrick De...
California Golden Bears
1. The Bears would dominate the Big East. I no longer live in California, so my chances to watch Pac 10 ball are few. However, living in DC has exposed me to a large number of Big East games, and I have come to the conclusion that the Bears' formula of allowing their opponent to run up a huge lead, ...
For Baylor, The Bubble Is A Really Healthy Place To Be
The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor....
Kyle Orton Is Just Getting Warmed Up
Don't worry, folks: Deadspin Hall of Famer Kyle Orton isn't going anywhere: He'll be back in the Bears uniform next year....
Bear Down, Barack Obama
We'd completely forgotten about this, even though it's from our home state and followed it pretty closely when it was happening, so we have to thank Sports By Brooks for reminding us: Barack Obama, when he ran for U.S. Senate from Illinois in 2004, was this close to running against ... DITKA!...
When The Saints Go Golfing
It's hard to imagine that less than 12 months ago these two teams were meeting for a chance to play in the Super Bowl. Seriously, they were. I looked it up! Devin Hester (The Jester Molester) returned a 64 yard punt, Neckbeard Orton threw the ball like he was throwing back girly cocktails, and just ...
Kyle Orton Takes Step Toward REAL Hall Of Fame
There is some sort of perception that, somehow, we're making fun of Bears quarterback Kyle Orton for his induction in our Hall of Fame. Nothing could be further from the truth. We cheer for Orton full-heartedly and with complete sincerity; it's easy to root for a guy who's obviously having that muc...
Bears Upset Packers, Their Quarterback Sort Of Helped
A cursory look at the 1 o'clock games led one to make a face comparable to sniffing a plate of expired deli meat. But sometimes expired meat is salvageable, which led to the creation of the hot dog. Similarly, this bundle of games gave us a couple of surprises....