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Appeals Court Vacates Ezekiel Elliott's Injunction, Clears Path To Suspension [Updated]
The United States Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in favor of the NFL today in the ongoing Ezekiel Elliott case, writing that Elliott’s lawsuit contesting his six-game suspension was “premature.”...
The Tape Lies
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here. ...
Kyrie Irving Sure Seems Happy To Be Out Of Cleveland
Kyrie Irving plays for the Boston Celtics now, and based on an interview he recently gave to the Boston Globe, he’s come to realize something that a lot of young people who leave the midwest have: that big cities are fun to live in....
Isaiah Thomas Has Had It Rough
The new Lee Jenkins jam does what it usually does—suffuse its subject with a big old cloud of pathos—and his current subject, Isaiah Thomas, couldn’t be more deserving of the treatment. Thomas landed in Boston after languishing under-appreciated in Sacramento and Phoenix, made All-NBA teams, led the...
Red Sox Get Off John Farrell’s Rollercoaster Ride<em></em><em></em>
It was very evident that if the Red Sox bombed out of the ALDS—which they did, in wild fashion—that John Farrell was going to get the boot from Dave Dombrowski. The team confirmed this, announcing this morning that it had fired Farrell....
Politician Delights In America's Failure
Hot soccer commentary coming in from Rep. Brendan Boyle (D-PA):...
Report: Florida Man Sets Self On Fire After Cowboys Loss
Here’s a Florida Man story that’s just, like, a little too on the nose—a 27-year-old guy in Vero Beach who was hospitalized with second- and third-degree burns after setting himself on fire when he lost a bet on Sunday’s Packers-Cowboys game. ...
Lionel Messi Saves Argentina's Ass
Tonight couldn’t have started any worse for Argentina. On the outside looking in at the beginning of the final day of World Cup qualification, they needed a win in Ecuador to at least keep their hopes alive. But within the first minute, the home side delivered a stunning blow, taking a very quick, p...
Thoroughbred Trainer Suspended 18 Months After Horses Test Positive For Boner Pills
A racehorse trainer in California has been suspended for a year and a half and fined $17,500 after two of his horses, named Iancol and Shakeitupbetty, tested positive for the drug sildenafil (also know as by the brand name Viagra) during the 2016 Del Mar summer meeting, according to the Daily Racing...
Jerry Jones Thanks Donald Trump For Telling Him What To Do
Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is surprised that all these anthem protests are still happening—for some reason, they didn’t go away after he personally ripped off the cause with a smirk and an empty gesture on national television—so he’s doubling down on his intention of benching any player who “d...
The NFL Quietly Changed Its Obscure Rule About Standing For The National Anthem
Having gotten all the public relations it wanted (even a hackneyed Sports Illustrated cover), NFL leadership is now back to the more familiar demeanor of reminding its players to either get in line or join the unemployment line. Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said Monday that any player who is “d...
The Red Sox And Astros Got Bullpen Crazy In Game 4
This afternoon’s ALDS Game 4 between the Astros and Red Sox was wild and messy, and it’ll be a difficult one to top both in terms of drama and bullpen management....
Jerry Jones Says Any Cowboy Seen "Disrespecting The Flag" Will Not Play
Jerry Jones—the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, the inventor of the bullshit but diabolically ingenious national anthem protest rebranding scheme, and the odds-on favorite to portray Dobby the House Elf’s great-grandfather in any future Harry Potter sequels—is done pretending. No longer does he feel th...
Dutch Soccer Player Somehow Misses Wide-Open Goal
The Harkemase Boys, of Holland’s fourth tier, were up 2-0 when Dennis van Duinen made a beautiful run, shook off a defender, beat the keeper, and faced a completely empty net. With glory a heartbeat away, he doinked the ball right over the crossbar....
Glove-Aided Dinger Helps Red Sox Stave Off Elimination
The Red Sox-Astros series was looking like a real turd heading into Game 3, with the Astros having outscored the Red Sox 16-4 in a pair of lopsided games in Houston. The Red Sox responded Sunday afternoon at Fenway with some overdue offense and managed to push the series to a Game 4....
Mighty Mouse Broke The UFC Title Defense Record With An Otherworldly Move
Demetrious “Mighty Mouse” Johnson, the greatest of all time, got more of a fight last night from challenger Ray Borg than many expected. Borg is a gifted wrestler and he worked Mighty Mouse into a few tight spots at times. This is what passes for a close fight right now, since Johnson is a near-perf...
Outdoor Adventurer Thabo Sefolosha Saved A Woman From Drowning
Hey, what’d you do this summer? I built half a porch onto my house, badly, and now have to climb over a construction zone in order to enter my home, with no end in sight. Probably you did something a lot cooler than this. If you’re Thabo Sefolosha, some of what you did this summer is save a woman fr...
Plenty Of Tickets Still Available
No, really, we clicked the link and there are a ton of tickets available. ...
Sad-Sack Airport Bozos Want To Protest Super Bowl Flights Because Of Anthem Protests
Members of the administrative commission of dipshit also-ran-ass airport Brainerd Lakes Regional reportedly spoke out against NFL anthem protests Thurdsay, while discussing air travel contingencies for the 2018 Super Bowl, to be held in Minneapolis. This world is a goddamn toilet....
Boat People Vs. Horse People: Who’s Worse?
Today’s DEADCAST brings you a battle of true rich asshole pursuits. It is time to slip on our docksiders and grab a riding crop and ask you, fair reader, who is worse: horse people, or boat people? That is the dilemma of our age, and it is the vital locus of our discussion....