bo Page 748 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

THE ELUSIVE GREAT ADVENTURE BABOON HAS BEEN CAPTURED! NEW JERSEY IS SAFE!
The Star-Ledger and others are reporting that a runaway baboon from the Six Flags amusement-park safari in Jackson, NJ was tranquilized and taken into custody around 2:40 p.m. after three days on the lam....

DeSean Jackson Is Committed To Getting A Season-Ending Injury Before The Lockout Ends
DeSean Jackson, the humble Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver, apparently went on down to MTV's Fantasy Factory to spin around a basketball on some sort of four-wheeled Go-Kart-y contraption and perform some very challenging half-foot drops on a skateboard....

Asafa Powell Beats The Clock, In Lieu Of Beating Usain Bolt
Asafa Powell, the 100-meter world record holder of the pre-Usain Bolt era, claimed the title of Fastest Man in the World, This Year, So Far by running a 9.78 yesterday in Lausanne, Switzerland. That beats the 9.79 that Tyson Gay ran in early June in Clermont, Florida, before Gay dropped off the circ...

Deion Sanders, Jr. Shaken Down For Attempted Chick-Fil-A Purchase
Deion Sanders Jr. is a highly touted quarterback prospect at Marcus High in Flower Mound, Texas, about an hour from Dallas. Having the name Deion Sanders may help him in this realm....

Stories That Don't Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To Schmuck Owners
Every Friday, SportsFeat picks a few great weekend reads for Deadspin. In honor of Frank McCourt, the lockouts, and James Dolan's never-ending flirtation with Isiah Thomas, here are five of the best stories ever written about terrible owners....

Today, The Mets Deposited The First Of 25 $1,193,248.20 Checks Into Bobby Bonilla's Bank Account
Bobby Bonilla is 48. He hasn't played for the Mets since 1999. He hasn't played in MLB since 2001....

Here's A Picture Of The Time Those Purple, Courtside Uggs From Miami Reappeared In All Their Glory
Tipster Josh has a story to share. So, listen up:...

Watch A Guy Drive Off The Side Of A Mountain
What happens when your car goes twirling off the side of a mountain at Devil's Playground during the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb? If you're Bobby Regester, you just climb out of the Pontiac Sunfire window. Ripoff....

Abandon Hope: Bill Clinton Teams Up With A Health-Insurance Company To Take Some Old Dead Guy's Name Off A Golf Tournament
The Bob Hope Classic, which has been played under that name in California since 1965, is no more. Starting in January 2012, the event will be the Humana Challenge, named for Joey Humana, a beloved comedian (and devoted golfer) who entertained American troops from World War II through the first Gulf ...

The Stanley Cup Begins Its Summer Job As A Firefighter
Yes. Awesome....

Oh Look, There Was Another Brawl At The D.C. Caribbean Carnival (Somewhat NSFW)
As opposed to the video posted, like, an hour ago, this brawl does not involve calls for titties. Rather, this "cArabian festival" footage drives home the point that, "If you're not on Howard University right now, you're not doing nothing." Fair enough....

Your Long, Painful Wait For Another Street-Festival Brawl Video Has Now Come To An End
What's left unsaid in this footage from a minor dust-up at last weekend's DC Caribbean Carnival — or as the uploader titled it, "caribian fest day 2" — is the cause. What's not left unsaid is that at least two observer deeply, genuinely "wanna see some titties, want some titties. Titties. Titties!...

We've Found The Lass Responsible For The Lone Amstel Light On The Bruins' $156,000 Bar Tab
When the Bruins threw down with an epic body count at their Stanley Cup celebrations at Foxwoods, the world was drawn not to the six-figure bottle of champagne: Armand de Brignac is so played out. Instead it was the solo Amstel Light, a beacon of moderation and taste in a storm of crapulence. ...

ESPN Book To Become Future Major Motion Picture About Bristol Guys Having Fun
According to an insider from one of the major talent agencies, Hollywood has expressed significant interest in turning the Miller/Shales oral history of ESPN into a blockbuster movie. It's in the very early stages but, according to our source, one lucky studio will make a major financial investment...

Drunk Ohio Teacher Resists Arrest, Sprays Cops With Her Breastmilk
We're not sure we know the precise meaning of the term "hot mess," but this just has to be the perfect application. Meet Stephanie Robinette, 30, a lactating charter-school teacher from Westerville, Ohio (a Columbus suburb), who got drunk, disorderly, and weird over the weekend....

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Read A Book Called <em>Chess Tactics For Champions</em> While At Bonnaroo
Add another three-week-old update on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's unheralded appearance at the Bonnaroo music festival earlier this month: he was reading a book called Chess Tactics for Champions while waiting for his panel....

The Search For The Pisswater-Drinking Boston Bruin Is On
On the Bruins' epic bar tab from Foxwoods, there lies a lone Amstel Light. Who ordered it? Why? The world may never know. But Amstel is offering that player free beer if he steps forward....

Today In Sad Pittsburgh Headlines
Pittsburgh to honor Ward's 'Dancing' win on Thursday: "The city of Pittsburgh will hold a rally at noon Thursday to honor Hines Ward's victory in ABC-TV's 'Dancing with the Stars' competition." [Post-Gazette]...

Deadspin's 2011 NHL Entry Draft Running Diary
Welcome to Deadspin's first and likely last annual NHL Draft Diary. Follow along with due reverence for the most thrilling pageant in all of sport....
