bo Page 807 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Excerpt From <em>The Ask</em>: "... And I Pictured Titboning Vargina In A Rare Books Room"
Below is the first chapter of The Ask, by Sam Lipsyte, our funniest and foremost chronicler of fuck-up Americana. Read it and come back at 3 p.m. for a live chat with the author in a followup post....

It's Professional Naked Lady Bobblehead Night
The Las Vegas 51s gave away bobbleheads of Holly Madison, the number one gal in Hugh Hefner's harem. A bobblehead? I can't masturbate to that. [Rick Chandler]...

Plane Owner Claims FAA Shake Down Over Masters "Bootyism" Banner
The owner of the aerial sign company that flew anti-Tiger Woods banners over The Masters says the FAA silenced him with a "bogus" safety inspection. If planes existed when the First Amendment was written, this would totally be in there....

Ehhhh...Fuck Off, Dale Hansen
"That story we had earlier tonight about Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, if that's what it is (and our news director thinks it is), is yet another example of the decline of journalism as we once knew it." [WFAA]...

Join Us Thursday For A Live Chat With Sam Lipsyte, Author Of <em>The Ask</em>
We'll have an excerpt Thursday from the great Sam Lipsyte's new novel, which is very funny and which I encourage you to read immediately. Sam will be by around 3 p.m. to say filthy things to you and discuss aggressively marketed nachos....

Video Catches Cops Brutally Beating Maryland Student After Duke Game
After a Maryland student was seriously injured during the melee that followed the Terps big win over Duke last month, cops claimed he had attacked mounted policemen and was kicked by their horses. This videotape says they're dirty liars....

Slurring Jerry Jones Bad-Mouths Bill Parcells, Tim Tebow
A source sends along this video of a seemingly inebriated Jerry Jones waxing off about Tim Tebow ("he'd never get on the field"), Bill Parcells ("not worth a shit"), and how he got his stadium. Read the rough transcript after the jump....

Phil Mickelson: Your New, Women-Friendly, Morally Pristine Sportswriter Unicorn
Once, not so long ago, a famous golfer was unfaithful to the public image that sportswriters had helped construct for him, and the sportswriters were sad. But then along came Phil Mickelson, and the sportswriters turned him into a Lifetime movie....

People At Marlins Games Still Punching Each Other In The Vicinity Of Video Cameras
While lacking the sweep and drama of last year's brawl, this Paul Greengrass-ian fight from Saturday's Dodgers-Marlins game had the virtue of being sparked by inebriated legume tossers. Topic: Hasn't the use of Steam's classic jam become stale? H/T David....

The Rangers Are Oh So Alone....
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

JMU's Spring Party Turns Into A Riot
James Madison University's Springfest: an annual celebration of booze, booze and more booze. And this year, fire, riot police and tear gas. A student sends along some of the best photos and videos of the day....

Here's Matt Cooke Getting His
The noted cheap shot artist gets knocked out with one punch, and Evander Kane never has to buy a drink in Boston ever again....

Implosion Destructo-Porn: Texas Stadium Edition
Preceded by fireworks (and onlookers paying an admission fee), the 39-year-old Texas Stadium was reduced to rubble this morning. Jerry Jones is a secular Shiva: destroying, in order to re-create....

Here's What Three Shorthanded Goals On The Same Penalty Look Like
It's one thing to read that the Bruins scored three SHG in 64 seconds yesterday; it's another to actually see it. Hurricanes, that power play was bad and you should feel bad....

You Should Be Watching Hockey This Weekend, Seriously
Remember when everyone was so into hockey that time? Ha! But there's plenty to love: the NCAA championship, an NHL playoff berth battle, and oh yeah, some Slovenian hockey players who won their league title then beat up their coach!...

The Boston Red Sox Will Brand Your Baby
"Every baby" born at Boston's Beth Israel will be indoctrinated into Red Sox Nation, whether you like it or not. The "Red Sox Babies" package includes hat, tote, and a lifetime of insufferability. [Beth Israel, "Benbino" pic via]...

Lou Piniella Bawls Out With His Balls Out
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Don't Tell The Children; Celebrity Boxing Matches Were Fixed
A celebrity boxing promoter is rigging the outcome of his fights, which he didn't have a license to stage anyway. Remember, this only concerns boxing. David Arquette still won the WCW Heavyweight Championship fair and square. [AP]...

The Masters Invaded By Airborne Pranksters Asking Tiger Woods About "Bootyism"
Augusta National's authoritarian fussbudgets do not yet hold dominion over the skies, as proved by whoever hired this plane to circle above The Masters today. Also, it's $1 wing night at Déjà Vu. [Video via ESPN, surprisingly.]...

The Jason Whitlock Bobblehead Doll Is My Next Purchase
Oh, but if only it could talk. Like, you'd pull a string and it'll spew all sorts of angry, nonsensical musings on race, sexuality, sports culture and social media pick-up lines: "I c u r a tulane grad." [KCStore]...