bo Page 972 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Would You Like Claws With That?
Todd Haley is the receivers coach for the Dallas Cowboys, which means, as is, his life is pretty much terrible. He also doesn't have much time to cook, since he apparently only takes his family out for McDonald's. That's bad enough, but even worse when they McSalad has a huge freaking rat in it....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while battling the infamous Professor Poopypants ... • World Series: Outfield pratfall leads to 5-4 Cardinals win, 3-1 series lead over Tigers. • MLB: Bruce Bochy packs belongings, heads north on I-5 to sign with Giants. Padres fans unsure which team comes out ahead. • NHL: Oh, nothi...
They May Take Our Lives, But They'll Never Take OUR PENIS!
Indiana police and Purdue campus security will be keeping a sharp eye on the student section at Ross Ade Stadium on Saturday. Why? This letter, received by the Purdue student newspaper on Tuesday, should explain things:...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while your slippers were in the shop for repairs ... • NHL: Just a guy named Joe ... Sakic reaches 1,500-point mark as his Avalanche lose to Capitals 5-3. • Tennis: As you no doubt have heard by now, Robby Ginepri beat Gilles Simon of France, 7-6 (3), 7-6 (5), in the first round of t...
Five Tiny Tidbits On: The Boston Celtics
It's hard to believe, but the NBA season is just around the corner. So come with us now as we present five tiny tidbits on each team, just to get you in the mood. Today we begin the Atlantic Division, so do us a favor and send your tips to [email protected]....
ESPN Rewards Its Employees With A Small Beverage
Monday's "Monday Night Football" game between the Dallas Cowboys and the New York Giants, perhaps because of the possible midfield suicide of Terrell Owens, scored a 12.8 Neilsen rating, the highest cable television rating in history. This is a cause for celebration in Bristol, obviously, but we had...
We Say Replace Theismann With Borat Right Now
The Borat movie — Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan — is almost here, which pleases us greatly. We're kind of confounded by the release schedule, though. There was a premiere in Los Angeles on Monday (Defamer, of course, was there), and there was o...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while out enlisting the aid of Mad Max for your village ... • World Series: Carpenter Rules ... Cardinals take 2-1 series lead after 5-0 win over Tigers. • NHL: Penguin Lust ... Malkin leads Pittsburgh over New Jersey 4-2. • Tennis: We hate to be the ones to tell you that top-seeded ...
That'll Be All, Bill
You know, it's funny: The Dallas Cowboys' season appears to be disintegrating, and even though Terrell Owens had to go so far as to try to kill himself to derail the team, he seems to be the least of their problems....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while planning your Halloween costume ... • NFL: ... Tony Romo, not a restaurant chain, charges off bench, leads Cowboys to 36-22 loss to Giants. • NHL: Fools! You can't stop the Buffalo Sabres! • Look, Russian tennis! Jarkko Nieminen downs Janko Tipsarevic in the first round of St. ...
Swiftboat Veterans For Truth In Girls High School Basketball
Welcome to Castro Valley, Calif., home of former MLB All-Star Ed Sprague, Jacksonville Jaguars head coach Jack Del Rio and Lord of the Rings special effects supervisor Randy Cook. If planning to visit, please be advised that many of the adults there are several different kinds of crazy....
Does This Mean The Curse Is Back On?
It's our sad duty to report that Nelson de la Rosa, who was known as the world's smallest actor and who was a friend of pitcher Pedro Martinez, has died at the age of 38, of unknown causes. De la rosa had just arrived in the U.S. from Chile to visit relatives. The 2-foot-4 de la Rosa had become kn...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while licking the highway ... • World Series: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ... Mr. Rogers destroys everything in his path, including Pujols and Mr. McFeely. • NFL: The Power of (Fourth and) One ... Bengals somehow beat Panthers 17-14. • NHL: Ducks 3, Kings 2 in shootout. ...
About Last Night...
• World Series: Cardinals 7, Tigers 2. Ronnie Belliard's hair 1, Everyone Else's Hair 0. • College Football: Clemson 31, Georgia Tech 7. Clemson unleases their potent offensive attack on Georgia Tech, as well as a vicious attack on the eyeballs and fashion sense of everyone watching. • NHL. Sabres 6...
Corey Sanders Does Not Fight Any Better Than He Looks
I tried to look around for a more colorful recap of last night's Mike Tyson "fight," but honestly, there was enough in the Associated Press article to amuse me. Fans who were lucky enough to be in attendance for the first stop on "Mike Tyson's World Tour" were treated to twelve golden minutes of M...
About Last Night...
• College Football: WVU 37, UConn 11. Connecticut quarterbacks combined to go 15-of-34 for 115 yards and 2 interceptions. Scouts say they could be the next Harrington and Culpepper. • NBA Preseason: Nets 102, 76ers, 92. And just because I'll probably never get another chance to say it: 76ers leading...
Mike Tyson Would Like To Help You Carry Those Groceries To Your Car
Meet the new Mike Tyson. He's relaxed, he's sweet; he's whistling a happy tune. Frankly, we'd be less surprised if Kim Jong Ill suddenly began a tour of the U.S. singing old Bobby Sherman hits, but there you have it. There's a bluebird on his shoulder. Are we as a nation ready for this? Tyson appe...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while cracking under the pressure in the bottom of the eighth and running out into the night, pantless ... • MLB: National League Championship Series ... it seems like only yesterday, or 1968, that Cardinals played Tigers in a World Series. • College football: Our Tar Heels football ...
Tommy Morrison's Confusing Confusion
Far be it from us to deny a guy the opportunity to make a living, and we consider ourselves open-minded ... but we had to say, when there's open debate as to whether or not are HIV-positive, we kind of think maybe you shouldn't be boxing....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while wondering if your son will ever grow up to be a Chunky Soup All-Star ... • MLB: National League Championship Series, Game 6 ... You know, all told, Maine's a nice state. • NHL: Cruelty to Penguins ... Brodeur's milestone lifts Devils, 2-1. • Soccer: Even if we were soccer exper...