boston Page 117 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Your Marco Scutaro Summer Jam Is Here
"Scuscuscutaro" has dropped and, as far as Phil Collins song parodies about journeymen shortstops go, it's excellent — streets ahead of that Pavement album about Jeff Hornacek. H/T BullfightsOnAcid....

Celtics-Lakers To Decide Which Is The Best Franchise Ever Of The 2009-10 Season
Use this space to discuss the hugely important stakes of yet another Celtics-Lakers NBA championship. Place some bets about which of his films Jack Nicholson's smirk will be reminiscent of. I'm going with Wolf....

Professional Sports Reaches Its Apogee: Drunken Little Person Berates Red Sox Fan
What's the only thing better than an intoxicated Rays fan — who happens to be a little person — threatening to fight a fat Red Sox fan? When somebody catches it on video....

Thanks To Lamar Odom, Khloe Kardashian Will Get Beer Thrown On Her If She Goes To Boston
"They gave it to my kids last time in Boston...[I] don't know how my wife is going to be able to sit in the crowd," Odom said, later adding that security might be needed."[OC Register via SBB]...

LA Times Writer Kicks Off Finals Fever With Questionable Paul-Pierce-Stabbing "Joke"
Championships are great. They force cities to lambaste other cities, get mayors to make cutesy bets with each other and let writers fire up the ol' Template-O-Tron 5000 and write "Guide to Hating [Opponent]" columns. The LA Times's Ted Green began early....

Last Night's Winner: Maria Menounos
In sports everyone's a winner, some just win better than others. Like the Celtics' shit-talking Greek mascot, Maria Menounos, who's become Boston's Ashley Judd during this year's Finals run ....

Last Night's Winner: The Rules, Technically (UPDATE)
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like NBA schoolmarms, who time and again toughen up the rulebook to improve the league's cosmetics and who time and again wind up screwing with the game itself....

Do You Believe In Unexplained Mystical Phenomenon?
Can Orlando continue to keep things interesting? Or will Boston continue to annoy everyone by being Boston? Consider the possibilities as you settle in for another night of learning and loving. Unless there's something I don't know about. Okay, then......

Aural Secs: David Ortiz's 30-Second Tater Trot Explained With Music
In honor of David Ortiz's Roger Bannister moment last night, an Aural Secs is in order. Unlike frequent Aural Secs subject Usain Bolt, Ortiz is quite slow, so we're going with the final chord in "A Day In The Life."...

Fat-Ass Baseball Players Get Their Roger Bannister Moment
Per Wezen-Ball's wonderful Tater Trot Tracker, David Ortiz rounded the bases after yesterday's solo shot in 30.59 seconds, a new record by nearly eight-tenths of a second. Yes, mankind has at last shattered the 30-second barrier. [Wezen-Ball]...

White Chocolate Would Really Prefer You Not Violate His Private Space, Mr. Reporter
The frustration of the Magic's poor showing thus far in the conference finals has reached its boiling point. Watch as Jason Williams swears a blue steak at a reporter, and Matt Barnes cannot help but laugh. H/T Jovan....

Boston Beats Magic, Browbeats Lakers Fans
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Watch The 1972 NBA One-On-One Championship, In All Its Glorious Weirdness
In 1972, the NBA had a one-on-one tournament for $15,000. They played by twos, to 20, win by four. There was a "take-it-out" line that was not the three-point line. The NBA: Where weird but sorta awesome used to happen....

Last Night's Winner: Boston Self-Pity
In sports everyone's a winner — some just win better than others. Like Boston pity-partiers ready to commemorate their return to being sad-sacks after a glorious run of over-confidence....

Eastern Conference Finals Game One Open Thread
Boston, still unsatiated despite drinking the very soul of the City of Cleveland, takes on those sweep-happy Magic, led by legendary playoff warrior Vince Carter. This one kicks off...NOW!...

Can The Celtics Get Any Love?
Apparently the Magic have a third round bye, because to hear people tell it, LeBron was all alone out there last night....

Cavaliers Go Out With A Whimper
LeBron James had a triple-double, Mo Williams answered the bell, but when push came to shove the Cleveland Cavaliers laid down and took what the Celtics gave them. That was that. And now the basketball world....EXPLODES!...

Cavs-Celtics: Your NBA Playoff Open Thread
Watch LeBron James disappoint every single sportswriter in the universe again. Or watch him take one step closer to earning their forgiveness. [Yahoo!]...

LeBron Plays Basketball Poorly; City of Cleveland Placed On Suicide Watch
The Cleveland Cavaliers were absolutely pasted tonight, at home, by the old and previously-thought-to-be-decrepit Celtics. LeBron James was not much help. It's big "Uh Oh" time in Northeastern Ohio....

Bruins Fans Toss Epithets, Foodstuffs, Trojan-ENZ At Flyers Fan
All Adam Gonsiewski, a Simon Gagne jersey-owning Flyers fan, wanted to do was see his team win Game 5 against the Bruins. Instead he was pelted with various (unused?) prophylactics by the rowdy Beantown crowd. Like this one. [Crossing Broad via Philly.com]...