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CBS Reports Kevin Durant Signs With Warriors, Is Probably Full Of Shit<em></em>
Kevin Durant has agreed to a max deal with the Golden State Warriors, according to a CBS Sports report this morning that either features people broadcasting from the future or reporting a story before it actually happened....

CBS Reports Kevin Durant Signs With Celtics, Is Probably Full Of Shit
Kevin Durant has agreed to a max deal with the Boston Celtics, according to a CBS Sports report this morning that either features people broadcasting from the future or reporting a story before it actually happened....

Let Willson Contreras Show You How To Manage Getting Hit In The Dick And Balls
Not to put too fine a point on it, but: blunt force impact to the dick and balls hurts....

Joe Maddon Used Some Advanced Tactics
The Cubs needed 15 innings to beat the Reds last night, finally putting them to sleep with a Javier Baez grand slam. But before that, Cubs manager Joe Maddon, everybody’s favorite crafty old baseball man, did some fun things with his lineup....

NASCAR Drivers Brawl After Late Wreck
Tonight’s NASCAR truck race near St. Louis was already running late after a rain delay and several wrecks, but it was one with just seven laps remaining that brought Spencer Gallagher and John Wes Townley to fisticuffs. Rubbin’ (fists) is racin’!...

Warriors Fans Are Herbs
I’ve been thinking about this all season long, and now that it’s over it’s just time to say it: Warriors fans are herbs....

Good Nationals Fan Mocks Ben Zobrist's Strange Batting Stance
Earlier this evening, Jayson Werth’s walk-off hit and subsequent vulgar TV interview capped off a spectacular Nationals-Cubs game. However, far earlier in the game, a Nationals fan stealthily owned the Cubs by mocking Ben Zobrist’s restless butter-churn looking batting stance. TV cameras picked it u...

Jayson Werth Has A Profane, Shaggy Message For His Haters
The Washington Nationals took the rubber match against the Chicago Cubs this evening after an insane 12-inning affair that featured the Nationals going ahead in the 8th, losing the lead in the ninth, forcing extra innings, falling behind in the 12th, then finally walking off after Jayson Werth singl...

Are You Ready For Unbearable Trade Rumor Season?
Listen, can you hear it? A faint whisper grows louder. “The Cubbies could use another bat on the bench.” it says. “Why not trade for Andrew McCutchen?”...

Let Us Introduce You To The Dankest Of All <i>Game Of Thrones</i> Theories
For all of the casual viewership and cultural ubiquity Game Of Thrones has achieved by being a show about “tits and dragons,” the show only works because of the writing. Almost everything about the plot is just goddamn preposterous, but it works because it’s anchored in characters having conversatio...

Uruguay Players Say Referee Taunted Them By Grabbing His Dick And Balls
The video you see above shows a couple Uruguay players haranguing the referees immediately after their 3-1 loss against Mexico in the Copa America on Sunday. You might imagine that the fervor of the players’ protestations was piqued by the pregame national anthem gaffe, plus the shellacking Mexico j...
![Report: Aqib Talib Shot At Dallas Nightclub [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/gdqkwebfimewcbdjenc4.jpg)
Report: Aqib Talib Shot At Dallas Nightclub [UPDATE]
Broncos cornerback Aqib Talib has been released from a Dallas hospital after being shot during a nightclub altercation Saturday night, according to the Dallas Morning News....

Don't Be Inspired By This Cubs Tattoo
I don’t begrudge this Cubs fan his enthusiasm or his desire to express it, even in a way that feels like the visual equivalent of using plural first person pronouns when recounting the accomplishments of more athletic strangers. I just think he made some choices that shouldn’t be emulated. Let’s loo...

Root For The Rockies This Year
This is part of an occasional series of slightly belated MLB season previews....

Brad Nessler Will Replace Verne Lundquist In CBS College Football Booth
A CBS sports press release confirms what’s been rumored for weeks: longtime ESPN announcer Brad Nessler is coming to CBS, and after the 2016 season will replace the legendary Verne Lundquist as play-by-play man on “SEC on CBS” games....

Navigating Your Way Through Bullshit Corporate Lingo
George Orwell made a living off of incredulity. Armed with a healthy distrust of capitalism and intense misgivings about the surveillance state, Orwell’s writings often presaged a bleak outlook for mankind. (His fucking head would explode if he could see what companies—i.e. Google and Facebook—and g...

10 Years Ago Today, A.J. Pierzynski Got Punched Right In The Goddamn Face
Ten years ago today, the fifth-place Chicago Cubs played the first-place Chicago White Sox, lost 7-0, and gave us one of the most purely satisfying moments in baseball history, when catcher Michael Barrett responded to A.J. Pierzynski running right over him at home plate even though he didn’t even h...

Root for the Baltimore Orioles This Year. Or Don't. Suit Yourself.
This is part of an occasional series of slightly belated MLB season previews....

Root For The Boston Red Sox This Year
This is part of an occasional series of slightly belated MLB season previews....

Mayor Of Probably Calgary Mad Over Raptors Poll Snub
The Raptors and their fans have played the “nobody believes in us” card faster and harder than just about anyone, quite possibly because nobody believes in them. But things have reached a fever pitch in Wherever The Raptors Are From, thanks to the limitations of an online poll....