bu Page 396 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Budweiser Black Crown Vs. Miller Fortune: A Prestige-Beer Showdown
Craft beer has become so embedded in our drinking culture that TGI Fridays sells Sierra Nevada, Lagunitas sponsors This American Life, and your dipshit coworker's last batch of homebrew was actually kinda good, in a way, if you're into chipotle märzens. ...
NFL Prospect Bradley Roby Disputes Report Of His OVI Through Twitter
NFL draft prospect Bradley Roby was reportedly charged with an OVI—operating a vehicle impaired—on April 20 in Columbus, Ohio. But today, Roby took to Twitter to dispute the accuracy of that report, and he had some tangible evidence....
Insane Handbook: Bills Cheerleaders Are Told How To Wash Their Vaginas
There are a few things you need to know if you want to be a successful Buffalo Bills cheerleader. “When menstruating, use a product that [sic] right for your menstrual flow,” reads the “General hygiene & lady body maintenance” section of the handbook given to cheerleaders, known as the Jills. “A tam...
How To Cheat, Do Drugs, And Succeed At Baseball, By Dock Ellis
We're big fans of Dock Ellis, obviously, so we enjoyed this latest animated short, narrated by the man himself and excerpted from Donnell Alexander's Beyond Ellis D. Honestly, listening to Dock Ellis talk about drugs, cheating, and Gaylord Perry is almost as much fun as listening to Vin Scully talk...
Blue Jackets Fan Mixes Up His BJs
Ohio is catching Blue Jackets fever! Last night, ESPN's Browns writer Tony Grossi learned a little bit about his local hockey team, and also acronyms:...
Marc-Andre Fleury Reverts To Type
Because it's the Cup, we got bad Marc-Andre Fleury....
Blue Jackets Win In OT After Marc-Andre Fleury's Screwup In Regulation
The Blue Jackets won their second playoff game ever when Nick Foligno flicked a long shot past Penguins goalie Marc-Andre Fleury. But how the Pens blow a 3-0 lead in the first period? Let's go back to the end of regulation....
Even The Chicago Bulls' Security Staff Is Sick Of Joey Crawford's Shit
The Chicago Bulls have set up a kind of text-message hotline that fans can use to hail the assistance of the arena's security team. Reader Dave was at the game between the Bulls and the Wizards last night, and he tried his luck at getting referee Joey Crawford—who made a number of bad calls and whom...
Did Nene's Whistle From The Bench Make Hinrich Miss His Foul Shot? (No.)
Last night in overtime of the Wizards-Bulls game, Kirk Hinrich went to the line with 2.4 seconds left, the score 101-99, and a chance to tie the game. But he missed! How could this be? Last night, we thought it was because he was a clutch gene-free, low-motor choke artist. But today, we may have our...
Uganda Suspends Track Coach Who Told Girls "You Must Have Sex Or Give Birth"
Peter Wemali, coach of the Ugandan national junior running team, has been suspended following allegations of systematic mental, physical and sexual child abuse. One anonymous runner — wait, let's call her what she is: a girl — spoke to the Daily Monitor, and the scene is predictably horrific:...
We Should All Aspire To Have A LinkedIn Profile Like Shaq's
No, this is not fake. Our pals at Slate have confirmed that Shaq's LinkedIn profile does indeed list the NBA legend's occupation as "Owner, a lot of companies." God bless you, Shaq....
Buffalo Bills Publish Report That Head Coach Has "BLANK TYPE OF CANCER"
The Buffalo Bills published an article which reported head coach Doug Marrone had cancer. Though Marrone may have planned to announce his cancer, the story looks to be prematurely published, since "BLANK TYPE OF CANCER" is still in the dek....
Searching For Tom Lehrer
This is worth reading. Ben Smith on Tom Lehrer:...
Suit: Bills Cheerleaders Were Taught How To Wash "Intimate Areas"
Now come five Buffalo Jills, joining the growing list of NFL cheerleaders suing their team for allegedly flouting state and federal employment laws. In many ways, their story shows how standardized these practices have become. But in terms of micromanagement, neither of the other cheerleading teams ...
Bills Pay $3 Million To Settle Stupid Text-Message Lawsuit
A couple years back, Bills fans signed up to receive text messages featuring news and offers from the team. The fine print said they'd receive no more than five a week. This guy Jerry Wojcik got six! And then, a few weeks later, seven! So he sued. And now the Bills have agreed to cough up more than ...
We Are All Crying Blue Jackets Kid
Sports aren't fair. Your team is supposed to win! And sometimes they look like they're gonna win, and don't win, and you're stuck with a moment of clarity that none of this has any meaning, no greater power cares a whit for your existence, and you're just ticking down your days on this cold rock unt...
How Not To Announce You've Committed To Auburn, In One Tweet
Marquel Harrell, an offensive lineman from Fairburn, Georgia went on Twitter to announce that he was going to be an Auburn Tiger. There was just one problem: he didn't know the name of his new school. ...
Tomas Hertl Continues To Be Adorable
The Sharks' 20-year-old Czech center Tomas Hertl had a pair of points in his first career playoff game, but I don't really care about that right now. I care that earlier this month, Hertl was introduced to the wonders of Dave & Buster's. ...
Rich Asshole Mark Emmert Says He'd Be Happy To Be An Unpaid Athlete
NCAA president Mark Emmert was a guest on Dan Patrick's show this morning, and he said all the stupid things we've heard him say many times before while trying to defend the scam that is the NCAA. The entire interview is worth a listen, because Patrick isn't afraid to challenge Emmert, but I partic...