bu Page 571 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before
Ohio State faces a team from the South in the postseason, loses 37-6. Wait ... this story isn't a repeat? And it was actually a baseball game? Oh, that's unfortunate. [Rumors and Rants]...

Spotted: Bud Selig At An Independent League Game In Chico
There were fireworks last night at Nettleton Stadium in Chico, Calif., and in the end, that's what it was all about. The independent league baseball game before the fireworks was just the opener, and there was certainly no encore....

Stephen Strasburg Can't Even Save His College Team
Stephen Strasburg, who almost every scouting executive in the world cites as the most can't-miss prospect ever, struck out 15 last night in the NCAA tournament, but took the loss by allowing two earned runs in a 5-1 loss. The defeat likely ended his college career. It was 3-years-old....

How Does Marian Hossa Feel About His Choice Right Now?
The best subplot of the Stanley Cup Finals is the tale of Marian Hossa, who turned down a long-term deal from Pittsburgh after last year's Final to join up with the team that vanquished him and his Pengiuns. I bet he didn't expect to run into those guys again....

Spanish Matador Messes With Bull, Gets Horns
Bullfighter Israel Lancho is in critical condition after being gored by his "opponent" in Madrid on Wednesday. I guess that in addition to the horns, you also occasionally get an eight-inch wide perforation in your lower abdomen. (Amazing [and graphic] photos and video below, so proceed at your own ...

R.I.P. Media Guides, In All Their Glossy Glory
Michigan and Ohio State announced Thursday they will save up to $250,000 by eliminating print media guides, following the recommendations of other conferences. Here's a hint: Distribute them as PDFs, where a simple Ctrl+F can yield the most obscure morsel in mere moments. Efficient, eco-friendly and...

How Conan O'Brien Ruined The Stanley Cup Finals
For the first time in 54 years, two Stanley Cup Finals games will be played on back-to-back nights. Why the rush? Because NBC doesn't want boring old hockey games cluttering up their precious Law & Order reruns....

Whoops, Sports Aren't So Recession-Proof After All
Turns out, it's proving difficult for the next Theo Epsteins and Jerry Maguires to catapult from frat parties to their dream jobs, so they're stuck cleaning minor league stadiums and taking unpaid internships at women's tennis tournaments. Tell me about it. I would write more, but Daulerio needs lun...

'Whole Lot Of People Puckered Up' After Florida Steroid Bust, Says Comical Backwoods Sheriff
What happens when you mix steroid hysteria with two self-aggrandizing backwoods halfwits on either side of the law? This: "What investigators aren't sure of is whether Richard Thomas, 35, is telling the truth when he said ... he sold mostly to professional athletes," specifically those on the Capita...

Sidney Crosby Taunts The Hockey Gods
The Penguins polished off a nice cold pitcher of Hurricanes last night, earning a return trip to the Stanley Cup Finals and a chance at redemption. Then captain Sidney Crosby just thumbed his nose at all that by skating around the ice with the Prince of Wales Trophy....

Anquan Boldin To Drew Rosenhaus: You Have Failed Me, Now Go
Boldin fires Rosenhaus; Rosenhaus makes lemonade: "I'm hopeful we can work this out and he can return to the Rosenhaus Sports family in the near future. We are proud to continue to represent his brother, D.J. Boldin."[ESPN]...

When Will America End The Deadly Scourge Of School Bus Racing?
Forget about NASCAR's restrictor plate insanity—what racing authorities really need to concentrate on is how to keep the time-honored sport of figure-eight school bus races from turning into a degrading carnival side-show. Remember when it used to be about the bus driving?...

Hey, That's Not John Mayberry Sr.
John Mayberry Jr. hit his first career home run Saturday, and the Fox crew in Yankee Stadium quickly honed in on his father, former MLB player John Mayberry Sr. Only problem: It wasn't him. Ay, there's the rub. (Also, A-Rod homered and the Yankees won, spoiling the Mayberrys' day.) [Bats]...

OK, Here's Your NHL Open Thread...
Apparently, the RBC Center might be the loudest hockey arena in the country (err, North America). We'll see if it affects Sid the Kid and the Penguins tonight at 7:30 p.m. in Game 3 of the Eastern Conference finals. Now go talk about it. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]...

All Big East Baseball Games Now Decided By Dance Off
Connecticut and South Florida squared off in a classic Big East baseball tilt—or they tried to before a five-hour rain delay. So how do you kill time during the one thing more boring than Big East baseball? Simple: Worst community theater production of "West Side Story" ever....

Obama's Two Favorite Things Are The Steelers, Making Children Cry
A group of kindergarteners had their hearts broken yesterday when they showed up for a White House tour and were told they couldn't come in because staff had to prepare for the President's visit with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Also, because the tears of the innocent give Barack Obama sustenance....

Ryan Leaf Used To Be Carried In The Arms Of Cheerleaders, Redux
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Sex With A Professional Bull Rider: Not Eight Seconds
For those of you who've wondered what sex with a professional bull rider sounds like, here is your answer: "It sounds like fish slapping on pavement."...

Mark Buehrle's Truck Will Cause Ice Caps To Melt
One alert emailer sent along this photo of the White Sox hurler gassing up his famously scary truck constructed by demonic gorilla robots from some dusty holocaust netherworld....

Never Try To Steal A Car From Najeh Davenport
If you see a car parked on the street with the engine running, you'd probably be tempted to jump in and take a ride. Just make sure it doesn't belong to Najeh Davenport, because he will chase your ass down....