bu Page 575 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Women, Children Frightened By Giant Hamburger
The official unveiling of the West Michigan Whitecaps' immense 5,000-calorie Fifth Third Burger on Thursday stirred up a variety of emotions, but the following quote is by far my favorite:...

All New TV Series Should Include Bobby Knight Posters
Ken Tremendous, aka Michael Schur, may have a hit on his hands with Parks and Recreation, the new series that debuted last night on NBC. How can it fail with scenes like this? [Mouthpiece Sports]...

The Kiss Cam Makes The Ladies Wet
These happy, affectionate Hamburg fans are just minding their own business, grinning eerily, picking each other up, and sharing a kiss to celebrate their favorite team's goal against Manchester City, as is the German custom, when BAM - beer to the head. The German commitment to austerity is commenda...

This Is Why The Internet Wins
In a day inundated with depressing news, it only seems fitting to end it with mindless insanity courtesy of Mr. Ufford at Warming Glow. This is your reward for being respectful today....

All Right, I'll Attend Your Stinking Workouts
After saying that he wouldn't attend the Bills' voluntary offseason conditioning program because it was, well, voluntary, Terrell Owens changes his mind and shows up on Wednesday. [The Buffalo News]...

OK You Pissants, Make Way For Randy Johnson
There's been little wailing and no gnashing of teeth in the Bay Area over Tim Lincecum's underwhelming '09 debut on Tuesday. That's because A. The Giants won, and B. Their headliner is actually starting tonight....

The Prodigal Son Returns, Kind Of
Former Gilroy High, San Jose State and San Francisco 49ers QB Jeff Garcia, 39, is now an Oakland Raider, and may challenge DeMarcus Russell for the starting role. Good one, Al. [San Francisco Chronicle]...

Plaxico Burress Just Not Caring About Anything Anymore
Plaxico Burress has obviously just given up on obeying any authority figure ever. Just days after the Giants finally dumped him, comes words of another run-in with police that did not end happily for anyone....

Orioles Fans Prepared To Explain To Teixeira That All Is Forgiven
The weather looks fine for the Orioles home opener today against the Yankees (4 p.m., ET), with the forecast calling for scattered clouds, variable winds and a 95 percent chance of heavy cursing at Mark Teixeira....

A Few Fun Facts About The Manatee CC Win Over The Pirates
First of all, they're calling it The Miracle On Grass; that's how big Manatee Junior College's 6-4 win over the Pittsburgh Pirates has become around Florida's Tampa-St. Pete area....

Last Blogdome Ever
• But keep sending links: We'll make our best efforts to find a place for it. [The Tainted Supplement]...

Giants Rid Themselves Of Plaxico Burress
Ralph Vacchiano of the Daily News calls this move "shocking" but that seems a little overboard. What else were the Giants supposed do with Plaxico Burress?...

If You've Eaten A Four-Pound Burger, Of Course You'll Need A Giant Plunger
Still grappling with the media frenzy over its monstrous 5,000-calorie burger, the West Michigan Whitecaps, masters of the metaphor, have installed a giant plunger in the outfield that squirts water on fans....

Oh, Now That Is An Embarrassing Looking Box Score
Today's final from Bradenton, Florida: Pittsburgh Pirates 4, Manatee Community College Lancers... 6. It's gonna be a good year, Bucco fans! [Raise the Jolly Roger]...

Kim Kardashian And Photoshop Not Getting Along Lately
So here's an interesting photo from the Reggie Bush-Kim Kardashian spread in the April issue of GQ. Anyone see anything wrong here? Or more specifically, anything missing?...

Brave Woman Gives Eyewitness Testimony Of The Salisbury Cell Phone Incident
The Sean Salisbury cell phone saga has always seemed to me to be a lot like the legend of Bigfoot; shrouded in mystery, leaving large tracks but not much in the way of tangible proof....

Is This The End Of The Line For Matt Bush?
Troubled former Padres' No. 1 overall draft pick Matt Bush released by Blue Jays, for not complying with the "zero tolerance terms of his agreement." Uh oh. [Toronto Globe And Mail]...

F1 Winner Holds Up Post-Race Press Conference To Jump His Model Girlfriend
British Formula 1 driver Jenson Button was so excited to win the Australian Grand Prix this weekend, that he couldn't wait until after meeting with the media to start the celebration....

The Kendra Wilkinson-Carmen Electra Stripper Pole War IS ON
If you've already purchased one of those inferior Carmen Electra stripper poles, throw it out. Kendra Wilkinson, who is engaged to the Eagles' Hank Baskett, is introducing her own line of stripper poles....

Giant Burger Of Doom Now Comes With A Side Of Controversy
West Michigan Whitecaps are refusing an advocacy group's demand that they put a warning label on their 4,800-calorie super-burger. [NBCSports]...