bu Page 607 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Anticlimactic Retirement of Jake Plummer
I didn't believe Jake Plummer when he said he was considering retiring. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because I was looking forward to many more years of exciting, high-level Jake-the-Snake football... but I sort of doubt that....
Bud Selig Is Trying Very Hard To Tolerate Your Bitching
Bug Selig, rebel bad-ass that he is, is taking a little bit of a contentious stance against the backlash towards the MLB's exclusive deal with DirecTV. He referred to it as "a slight controversy, in some places," and he believes that the solution is for you to get off your broke ass and buy yourself...
The Money's Out There, You Pick It Up, It's Yours
Let's get caught up again with the orgy of NFL free agent activity. If you're an NFL player, and your agent couldn't work it out so you were a free agent this off-season, you should probably fire him....
Barry Bonds Delivers One Into Your Gap
In the years that I've stopped paying attention, the memorabilia business has gone in directions I couldn't have anticipated... namely, up the ass....
Jake Plummer Will Spread Peace Everywhere But Tampa Bay
You've probably heard by now that Jake Plummer threatened to retire from the NFL just as the Broncos were attempting to trade him to Tampa Bay. Jake is serious with the retirement talk, according to those close to him, and he just might spend that retirement making the world a better place. Via Mich...
NFL General Managers Make It Rain
The first twenty-four hours of the NFL's free agency period have come and gone. There was a flurry of activity last evening ... let's get ourselves caught up....
Fever Pitch ... Throughout History
The Sporting News has a good piece about the evolution of pitching, which we read with interest until seeing the dreaded word "gyroball," which tends to provoke in us the same reaction as the word "disco." But until then there are some fun tidbits, such as the fact that until 1881, the distance from...
Joey Porter Might Take This As Somewhat Of A Lack Of Respect
One of the funniest pieces by one of the funniest writers we know: The Mighty MJD's great Letter From Joey Porter's Pit Bull, in which the canine shows the same distaste for perceived disrespect as his notoriously batshit insane owner. Porter is amazing to watch because everything infuriates him; if...
Ohio State Helps Billy Packer Celebrate His Birthday
The Buckeyes just downed the Badgers 49-48 after Ron Lewis rejected a last second 12-foot attempt by Wisconsin. This was immediately followed by the fans of the #1 team in the country rushing the court....
... Or, As The NHL Calls It, 'Thursday'
For those who like their NHL violence varied and wanton, we present Thursday's Ottawa at Buffalo matchup, which makes the Spanish Inquisition look like a tickle fight. The Sabres' 6-5 OT win featured 100 total penalty minutes, with eight penalties for fighting, four for hooking, two for instigating ...
Brent Musburger Will Kick Your Ass
A reader diddling around on the Toys R' Us Web site — don't ask — came across this lovely knick-knack: It's the official Brent Musburger action figure. Released in connection with Rocky II, this Brent is pumped up and ready to kick ass and drink some goddamn beer....
Look, Look, Gonzaga Drugs!
Today's public service journalism award goes to The Spokesman-Review in Spokane, Wash., who have included, in their update on Gonzaga forward Josh Heytvelt's arrest for drug possession, a full on photo gallery of the controlled substances. That's right: The visual cornucopia that is psilocybin is th...
We're So Sorry, Uncle Albert
Look, we're still a little unclear on why the University of Florida's mascot statue, Albert the Alligator, was placed on the Ohio State campus recently (some kind of a Nike promotion or something). All we know is that it took more than five hours for students there to destroy it, which is simply una...
Reggie Bush Hurts His Ankle, But Not Without A Good Reason
As you might have heard, Reggie Bush suffered a minor ankle injury last night in some sort of lame "basketball" event on ESPN. I don't know who it was he was trying to swat. It was a white guy on the East team, which means it could have been David Arquette, Jamie Kennedy, or Bobby Flay (I think we c...
Dan Hawkins REALLY Wants You To Practice More
Colorado Buffaloes head coach Dan Hawkins was hired because he's not the type of guy to lure his players in with strip clubs and booze, unlike his predecessor. We respect that; nobody wants that for college students....
Felony Shroomin' With The Bulldogs
If Gonzaga Bulldogs Josh Heytvelt and Theo Davis are playing basketball today, they're playing not for position in the WCC standings, but for cigarettes and the protection of their anal cavities. They're in jail right now, or at least they were as of a few hours ago, because police say they found ma...
Motorized Vehicles And Elastics: A Match Made In Heaven
Of things we would never agree to do, this almost tops the list (Venezuelan drug mule still reigns at No. 1). But this adventurous lass is all on board. You rock, Amber!...
When Will The Media Elite Stop Tearing Down Our White Heroes?
Every debate needs comic relief, and God bless him, Rush Limbaugh is always good for that. The former director of promotions for the Kansas City Royals in the early 1980s, and at one time the word's fifth-leading importer of OxyContin (behind Brazil), Limbaugh has become in recent years obsessed wit...
But When You Get Down To It, Does Michael Irvin Make Any More Sense?
Only a little more than a year to go before the 2008 Summer Olympics, which should just give the Chinese government enough time to run Beijing through spell check....
Remembering The Long-Dead "The National"
Old-time media people might remember the short-lived "The National," a daily national sports newspaper founded by Frank Deford and featuring a lot of names you probably didn't know in the early '90s but certainly do now (Chris Mortensen, Keith Olbermann, Scott Ostler). As romantic as the idea of a d...