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Hunter Pence Enjoys Your Sick Burns

Mets Fans Are Back With More Sick Burns On Hunter Pence

Did you think you were safe because the weekend was over, Hunter Pence? Sick burns take NO DAYS OFF. ...

The Gospel According To Buck O'Neil

"[Baseball] is a religion. For me. You understand? If you go by the rules, it is a right. The things that you can do. The things that you can't do, that you aren't supposed to do. And if these are carried out, it makes a beautiful picture overall. It's a very beautiful thing because it taught me and...

Here's A Bunch Of ESPN Personalities Reciting The Gettysburg Address

You're probably wondering why the hell this exists. Well, it appears that Ken Burns is working on a documentary about the Gettysburg Address, and this is some kind of promo clip for it. ...

Bill Lee Talks Baseball

Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe For Roast Beef

1 Large Roast of Beef...

What In The Hell Did Brent Burns Find?

San Jose Sharks defenseman Brent Burns discovered this on the golf course yesterday. He's stumped. I'm not a paleontologist, but it's clearly either a chupacabra or a Nashville Predator. ...

How I Made @DadBoner (And How @DadBoner Made Me A Better Man)

It was just over a year ago that I wrote a post here at Deadspin outing comedian Mike Burns as the man behind @DadBoner, one of the most popular Twitter feeds ever devised. If you're unfamiliar, the @DadBoner universe centers on the labors of a heroically optimistic Michigan man who lives in his ca...

Maryland delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr., the target of this letter from Chris Kluwe, will not seek re-election next year. He remains afraid of turning into a lustful cockmonster....

College Football Player Horribly Burned While Making Bloomin’ Onion [Update]

Kyle Smith, a sophomore defensive tackle for NAIA Carroll College in Montana, received horrific burns last month after a cooking accident at his girlfriend's home. Smith was attempting to make a battered, deep-fried onion when everything went horribly wrong. ...

Boston Pilot Uses Crying Baby To Drop A Burn On Sidney Crosby

This tweet comes to us from Dan Roche, who covers the Bruins for WBZ and was flying back to Boston this morning after watching the B's dismantle the Penguins in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference finals. It's probably the only decent joke that has ever been told by a pilot....

Remember DadBoner? Of course you do. DadBoner is a comedian named Mike Burns, and Motherboard hung out with him recently. Around the 13:20 mark he refers to our Drew Magary as "some guy," which is a pretty great burn....

Central Figure In Selena Roberts's Nothingburger Auburn Story Pleads Guilty

Mike McNeil, the central figure in Selena Roberts's much-bruited story about the University of Auburn football program, has pleaded guilty to first-degree robbery. He will serve at least three years in prison, nothing like the 21-years-to-life sentence he'd faced on the original charges. That brings...

Wes Welker's Wife Took To Facebook To Say Some Unkind Things About Ray Lewis [Update]

After watching her husband's team lose the AFC Championship game, Anna Burns Welker, wife of Patriots wide receiver Wes Welker, decided that it would be a good idea to comment on the game via her Facebook page. Anna Welker began her message by offering support to her husband and his team, which is ...

The Dallas Stars Showed An Empty Chair On The Jumbotron, Identified It As "Manti Te'o's Girlfriend"

Like SNL, half of minor league baseball, and Mets GM Sandy Alderson, the Dallas Stars had some fun with the Manti Te'o story yesterday. During their home-opener (a 4-3 win over the Phoenix Coyotes) the stadium's jumbotron operators spotted an empty seat and, in a mash-up of old Clint Eastwood empty-...

Here's Chris Kluwe Explaining Why He Wrote Today's Response To An Anti-Gay Marriage Politician

Earlier today, we published a letter from Vikings Punter Chris Kluwe to a Maryland legislator who tried to use his position of influence to silence Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo, who has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage....

"They Won't Magically Turn You Into A Lustful Cockmonster": Chris Kluwe Explains Gay Marriage To The Politician Who Is Offended By An NFL Player Supporting It

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. Yahoo has published a letter that Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote last week to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to "inhibit such expressi...

Reports: Three Dead, Including Two Former Football Players, After Shooting At Auburn Off-Campus Party [UPDATE]

Details are still sketchy, but it appears a shooting took place at an Auburn University off-campus housing complex that is reportedly home to many Auburn athletes. The shooting took place at a party at the complex at some time around 9:30 p.m., according to police chief Tommy Dawson. A press confer...

DadBoner Unmasked: Cracking The Internet's Biggest Mystery

Last week, we chronicled our efforts to find out the comic mastermind behind the great DadBoner twitter feed, an effort that was met with resistance by certain fans of the feed and by Karl Welzein himself, not to mention his fictional wife Ann Welzein. But that didn't stop tipsters from flooding us ...