chelsea Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Chelsea Need Just 30 Seconds To Take Lead On Manchester United
Pedro made mincemeat of Man United defense en route to giving Chelsea a 1-0 lead just 30 seconds into their match today at Stamford Bridge. Let’s give Marcos Alonso a hand for the assist, too....
Arsenal Looked Like The Best Team In England This Weekend, But They'll Fuck It Up Somehow
Meet “Troopz,” aka The Arsenal Trooper, aka (as his Twitter bio puts it) “Mr Blud/Fam,” aka the loudest, demandingest, angriest, most exuberant, all-around best Arsenal fan. He is, for once, very happy with his station in life as a Gunner today. He has good reason to be....
Lindsey Graham Wants To Destroy America
Nary a single flag-humping horse’s ass, badge-licking fraud, or smarmy nostalgic thinkfluencer in the Western Hemisphere passed up the chance to display performative patriotism in the wake of Colin Kaepernick’s ongoing national anthem protest. Here in 2016, national fabrics both figurative and liter...
Chelsea Players Don't Know Anything About America
Out in sunny California for their preseason training/money-grabbing tour, a few Chelsea players took a break from running their legs off to be tested on their knowledge of American history. They, uh, don’t know much....
Chelsea Settle Former Team Doctor's Lawsuit Against Club And José Mourinho
After José Mourinho blew up on then-Chelsea team doctor Eva Carneiro during a game back in August, apparently for her unforgivable sin of tending to an injured player, and after he then demoted her for said unforgivable sin, and after Carneiro was like “Screw this, I’m out of here, and I’m suing all...
Chelsea Literally Own "José Mourinho"
If you’re wondering why it’s been taking Manchester United and José Mourinho to seal their inevitable marriage, you’re not alone. With all the big things like salary and years and the like already hammered out per reports, all that’s left are the small details. Only the small details in internationa...
Eden Hazard Totally Owned A Small Child
Now that he’s starting to feel like himself again, Chelsea’s Eden Hazard can’t seem to turn the ruthlessness off. Here is he owning his young son, Leo, after Chelsea’s season ending 1-1 draw with Leicester City....
Remember When Eden Hazard Did Dope Shit Like This All The Time?
It was only a year ago when Eden Hazard, the pearl of the Chelsea juggernaut that cruised to the title, was skipping and shimmying his way past Premier League defenses with the rakish spirit and effortless grace of one of those dancing tough guys in West Side Story. This year, for both Hazard and hi...
Here's The Eden Hazard Golazo That Won Leicester The Premier League Title
Eden Hazard was the best player on the Premier League title-winning team last season, and he just scored a goal that clinched the Premier League title ... for Leicester City....
Future Superstar Matt Miazga Ready To Fight To Become "The Best American Player"
The worst you can say is that it hasn’t happened yet. This is no great shocker, since it was always going to be a long journey for Matt Miazga to go from promising MLS prospect to veritable Premier League legend. Yet it is a voyage Miazga himself is perfectly ready to start down step by step, as evi...
Report: It's Mourinho Time, Baby!
The best parts of the first half of this very weird Premier League season were most certainly Chelsea melting down and playing like dogpiss and also all the wacky hijinks José Mourinho got himself into. Now, according to El Pais (Sp.), our hero has signed a “pre-contract agreement” with Manchester U...
Oh, That's Gorgeous
Cesc Fàbregas equalized for Chelsea in stoppage time with as perfect a free kick as could be executed in the situation....
The Rise Of Romelu Lukaku Is A Joy To Watch
On one hand, it’s a fitting reflection of the topsy-turvy season in England that, heading into the final four of the FA Cup, the competition’s best remaining player isn’t a world-famous, well-decorated superstar for Chelsea or Manchester City or Arsenal, but rather trophy-barren Everton’s 22-year-ol...
Diego Costa Sent Off After Getting Intimate With Gareth Barry (And Maybe Biting Him)
Everton downed Chelsea 2-0 in FA Cup action today, though the real excitement came in the final minutes as Diego Costa earned a red card for intruding on Gareth Barry’s personal space; Barry himself would be sent off minutes later, but let’s not miss the glory of Costa either kissing Barry, trying t...
Stupid Little Piece Of Metal Bounces Valencia Youth Team From Tournament
Valencia and Chelsea met today in the UEFA Youth League, which is basically the Kiddie Champions League. The Round of 16 match came down to penalties, and Chelsea were declared winners after scoring all five of their spot kicks. Problem is, Valencia never actually missed any of their penalties, eith...
French Champions Beat English Midtable Side
Today in the Champions League Round of 16, Chelsea, an English midtable club best known for generously overpaying players and whose name was uttered alongside words like “relegation” just weeks ago, bravely stormed across the English Channel to take on French champions Paris Saint-Germain, who have ...
Chelsea's Kurt Zouma Stretchered Off After Nasty Knee Injury [Warning: Graphic]
Chelsea center back Kurt Zouma went down in a heap after going up for this header and coming down with knee bent the wrong way. He immediately (and audibly) began screaming, and was stretchered off the pitch. ...
Chinese Club's Enormous Bid For Oscar Shows China Is Serious About This Shit
If all the mid-tier European-quality players the Chinese Super League has bought this transfer window haven’t hammered home just how serious the league is about getting really good really fast, and if the purchase of potential top-end talents like Jackson Martínez and Alex Teixeira for gobs of money...
Radamel Falcao Latest Chelsea Player To Be Cast Aside In Favor Of Future Legend Matt Miazga
Chelsea’s newest and hottest prospect, American center back Matt Miazga, has been in London for barely over a week and he’s already reshaping the club....
John Terry, Clearly Terrified Of Matt Miazga, Is Leaving Chelsea
John Terry is jumping ship from Chelsea this summer after his contract is up. He told reporters after Chelsea’s win over MK Dons in the FA Cup that he’d be taking off from the club he’d been a part of since 1995. Here’s what he said, as transcribed by the BBC:...