chicago Page 116 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Rick Telander: If We Don't Stop Getting Concussed, The Robots Will Win (Or Something Like That)
We do not know what is going on in Rick Telander's head, but he wrote a column about brains and computers yesterday that is so full of raving, delusional paranoia about some impending tyranny that he might as well be on mushrooms or in the Tea Party....
This Is What Happens When You Get Caught Stealing Someone's Shovel During A Blizzard (Video)
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. ...
A Lot Of Time Went Into Crafting This Snow Dong
Snow artist Machinski calls this piece "Fun With Snow." The setting is Chicago, after the winter storm. The car belongs to a "friend." And while the base bend looks awkward, pure craftsmanship went into manipulating the glans....
Wrigley Field Roof Damaged By Tonight's Blizzard
There's a blizzard in Chicago. Winds gusting up to 60. The headline on Mike Hamernik's Chicago Weather Center blog is, "Blizzard continues to rage, drifts may reach 6 to 8 feet later tonight."...
Bill Murray To Packer Fan At Soldier Field Last Sunday: "Nitschke is a pussy."
From Black Book comes another odd, charming Bill Murray run-in that may or may not be true, given how many Bill Murray run-in stories are out there. But this one seems plausible....
Jay Cutler Is Able To Windowshop In LA Without A Cane Because He's A Quitter
Just look at him, all vesty and smug. HOW DARE HE not limp in public. He's no gladiator. His heart is weak. WEAK, I tell you, like a kitten's wrist. I'm spitting at the monitor as I write this.[TMZ]...
Jay Cutler Took The Stairs Sunday Night
At least according to a gossip column, which had Cutler and his pseudocelebrity girlfriend going out for steak after the NFC Championship game. That's some expert-level shit-stirring right there, questionable eyewitnesses. [Chicago Tribune]...
Caleb Hanie Also Quit — On His Mustache
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the third-string hero might've earned himself a promotion to backup....
According To One Anonymous Witness, There Was Ultra-Violence Against Pack Fans At Soldier Field (UPDATE)
Hopefully, there's some major embellishment going on in this Craig's List apology letter from a Chicago fan or else it appears one Cheesehead got the "Chinatown" treatment yesterday....
Hardcore 302-Pound Fan Likes Bear-Themed Body Painting
Michael Lyp is a really big Chicago Bears fan. Like, 302-pound big. Which means it takes much product for his gameday body-painting rituals. Says the Chicago Tribune, “he stands out in the vibrant tapestry of fans at Soldier Field.”...
Voice Of God Gives NFC Championship The <em>Any Given Sunday</em> Treatment
Thanks to WBEZ in Chicago, legendary NPR Broadcaster Carl Kasell recorded the famous speech from Any Given Sunday. We threw in some photos from Bears/Packers through the years, switched on the Ken Burns effect, and voila. Hope you're ready for some football....
Charles Tillman, Esteemed "Ball-Puncher"
The Chicago Tribune does its best to intimidate Packer receivers. (Click image for largeness) (H/T Joe Z.)[Chicago Tribune]...
Devin Hester Is New Monthly Daddy Columnist For <em>Chicago Parent</em>
"Hangin' with Devin" will debut in April. Hopefully, New York Parent will let Antonio Cromartie begin his own column titled "Hangin' With Jurzie, Alonzo, Caris, Antonio, Jr., Tyler, Leilani, London, Daughter, and Whatsherface?" soon. [Chicago Parent]...
Proud Cubs Groupie Says Blame Her, Not Bartman
A wannabe reality TV cleat chaser says she was out "drinking and hooking up" with members of the Cubs until 4 a.m. the night before the 2003 NLCS game 7. Why yes, she did go to Arizona State, how'd you guess? [RadarOnline]...
The Way We Live Now: New Cubs Outfielder Responds To Mockery On His Tumblr
Fernando Perez, outfielder and all-around solid guy, isn't happy with this bit of satire from a Cubs blog. "It's so arbitrary and unfunny I'd be offended if I took the 120 seconds out of my work day to read it," Perez...tumbls. [Outfielding]...
Confusion Over Garza-Benoit Confusion Finally Resolved
So the Chicago Sun-Times wasn't the only paper to mix up Matt Garza and Joaquín Benoit. The Daily Herald made the same mistake. But don't blame the papers. The error originated with a bad cutline from a wire photographer. Asshole....
<em>Chicago Sun-Times</em> Mixes Up Its Latino Baseball Players
The Cubs on Friday traded for Tampa Bay pitcher Matt Garza. Apparently, this confused the Chicago Sun-Times, which slapped a full-page photo on its back cover of...Joaquín Benoit. Both pitchers are right-handed. Both have facial hair. Let's stop there....
Oney Guillen Apologizes, But Not Really
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Oney stands behind his Bobby Jenks offensive....
Last Night's Winner: Ozzie Guillen's Son Puts Bobby Jenks On Blast
After Jenks criticized Guillen's handling of his bullpen, Oney Guillen gave a measured response: accusing Jenks of alcoholism, marital problems and punching a clubhouse attendant....
Last Night's Winner: The Chicago Bulls Kill Christmas
From their rendition of "The Twelve Days of Christmas," we learn that everyone on the Bulls is tone deaf, and one of them might be stoned. Guess which one. Go on, guess....