chicago Page 133 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
New White Sox Danger: Shaving Cream Pies to the Face
And you thought Ozzie Guillen was all the White Sox had to fear in the locker room. Backup catcher Toby Hall is recovering after Jermaine Dye blocked his attempted pie to the face. Does anyone ever wonder where all these pies come from in baseball locker rooms? How many times have you had extra pie...
The Prodigal, Bloodshot, Neckbearded, Booze-Swilling Son Returns
In the past hour there have been no less than three emails with "The Neckbeard Returns!" as the subject line. This is either a bold move or an absolutely desperate one, but it's true: Kyle Orton is the starting quarterback for the 2008 Chicago Bears' season opener. Orton overcame Rex Grossman in the...
Daryle Ward Will Eat Your Children In Broad Daylight
The Chicago Cubs have just won their ninth straight game. In related news, Hell has frozen over, pigs are flying, gas is now 75 cents a gallon, and Andy Dick just had sex with a girl. This wild chain reaction began when Ward, in the midst of an 0-for-13 slump, hit a three-run homer in the ninth to p...
Let Leo Pitch! Cubs Tempt Fate By Dissing Their Oldest Fan
Leo Hildebrand wants to throw out the first pitch at a Chicago Cubs game. And since the 104-year-old is one of the few living things old enough to have actually seen the Cubs win a World Series (the bristlecone pine and certain species of desert tortoise are the others), one would think that the tea...
Did The White Sox Just Win The Central?
So the White Sox lost Jose Contreras for the season on Saturday in a loss to Boston, falling out of first in the Central. That made Sunday's contest somewhat more than your run-of-the-mill game. And Chicago's 6-5, come-from-behind win over the Red Sox just may have put them back into first place for...
Contreras Injury a Blow To Chicago
It was the Sox Bowl Part II as the Red ones took on the White ones. And you know what happens when you put Red Sox in the mix with White Sox (besides all your shit turning pink). You get some pretty good baseball. Big Papi busted his slump with a three-rub double off the wall in Boston's 6-2 win ove...
Jim Edmonds Jogs La Russa's Memory
Cubs outfielder Jim Edmonds has gotten past the drama of being traded from the Cardinals in the offseason. Or maybe not. After refusing to discuss his former manager, Tony La Russa, with the media, Edmonds proceeded to go two for four, both hits going yard in a 3-2 win over his ex-team. The game str...
Reporter Doused By Blue-Painted Cubs Fan Outside Wrigley Field
Molly Dapier was doing freelance reporting for mouthpiece sports outside Wrigley Field. She's a tall, attractive blond reporter who appears to be minding her own business. Unbeknownst to her, however, a Chicago Cubs fan covered entirely in blue paint decided that he needed to dump a cooler full of w...
Slip 'N Slide With The King
How can you have a giant, water-soaked tarp on the field during a rain delay at Wrigley and NOT expect a guy dressed as '70s Elvis to come running out to slide across it? It's just common sense. Have a good time filling out the paperwork on this one, security guy (video following the jump). Actually...
Ozzie Guillen Forgets Sometimes That He's Talking Out Loud
Hold onto something because this is going to shock you: Ozzie Guillen admitted on Sunday that he sometimes instructs his pitchers to hit people. In related news, the Pope admits a fondness for large hats. But while this may be the world's worst-kept secret, it's a surprising bit of candor, even for ...
For the Cubbies, Mark Cuban Is Ready to Put a Billion Where His Mouth Is
Mark Cuban has never shied away from spending money. Take for instance, his recent arbitration case against former Dallas Mavs coach Don Nelson. Cubes lost out on $6.3 million but insisted that he was pleased with the outcome because the truth about Nelson apparently came out during the proceedings....
The Cubs-White Sox Feud Comes To Sesame Street
So it's three more Cubs fans in the hoosegow, another White Sox fan in the hospital, and life goes on in this strange, strange land we call "Illinois." When will the senseless violence end? My deepest regret is that Ernie and Bert had to see this. From the Chicago Tribune: ...
Bo Knows This Won't End Well
Former Domer pitcher/receiver Jeff "The Shark" Samardzija made his Major League debut yesterday afternoon in a relief appearance for the Chicago Cubs. The 23 year-old rookie struck out a pair of Marlins in the two-inning outing, but he failed to pickup the hold after beginning the seventh inning wi...
Bartman Spurns $25k Autograph Offer
Putting a quick end to the will he or won't he autograph spectacle, Steve Bartman is not going to appear at the National Sports Collectors Convention in Rosemont, Illinois. Interestingly, Bartman issued the response through his friend Frank Murtha. Meaning that Bartman himself remains hidden away i...
Alexei Ramirez Has A Magical Glove
It's not like White Sox second baseman Alexei Ramirez has gone unnoticed for his hustle and defensive prowess thus far, but come on; this is close to supernatural. Look at this play by Ramirez in the seventh against the Rangers on Wednesday; sleight of hand worthy of the Magic Castle. Wizard Cat gra...
Rex Grossman or Kyle Orton? A Coin Flip Shall Decide Chicago's Quarterbacking Fate
It's only July and already Bears fans are terrified. Who's going to start at quarterback: The mediocre bearded guy or the mediocre short guy? Well, even the players themselves can't decide. So they did what any reasonable, competitive football player would do...they flipped a coin. Cue the Chicago T...
Steve Bartman Offered $25k for a Single Autograph
Reclusive Cubs anti-christ Steve Bartman has incentive to come out into the light of day thanks to a $25k autograph offer from a sports collectors show. According to the Orlando Sentinel this would be the most ever paid to a living person for a single autograph. What exactly does Bartman need to do...
Mike Ditka's Balance Is Not What It Used To Be
I've never been to a celebrity roast for anyone but I like to think this happens every time. Paul Hornung takes the stage and welcomes the roastee to the rostrum, roastee is wasted, knocks over his own table when standing, and then crumbles to the ground when shoved by Hornung. See Mr. Bear's finest...
Sammy Sosa Dissed By All-Star Signage
I'm no Cubs fan, but I'm pretty sure that Aramis Ramirez does not in fact own the Cubs' franchise record for home runs with 38. I can think of about eight players off the top of my head who had more; and Big League Stew can come up with even more. But since this is on the scoreboard at the All-Star ...
These Are Clapping Dogs, Rhythmic Dogs, First-Pitching Dogs, House Dogs, Street Dogs
Uno, who I believe was named for the card game I never bothered to learn, continues to blaze trails for doggykind. Back in February, he became the first beagle ever to win the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (though Snoopy remains the first to be a World War I flying ace). Yesterday, he "threw" ou...