chicago Page 54 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Marian Hossa Scores His 500th Goal
Marian Hossa had a long time to think about this. He finished last year stuck on 499 goals, and if he didn’t spend the entire offseason imagining the precise circumstances of his milestone goal, he knew he wanted a goalie to be involved....
Nicolas Batum Totally Blows Easy Buzzer-Beater
Before we get too far into this blog, a caveat: It’s the preseason, so this failed buzzer-beater means exactly dick. That said, it was very funny....
White Sox Fan Frank Kaminsky Owns The Cubs
Frank Kaminsky is a White Sox fan and he apparently isn’t one to celebrate his city’s other team’s success. To express his displeasure, he’s decided to wear a custom Steve Bartman jersey around the city. He rocked it on a rooftop last night, then wore it to the Bulls’ arena before the Hornets’ game ...
Alshon Jeffery Suggests Revolutionary New Strategy: "We Gotta Score Fucking Touchdowns"
The Bears are 25th in the NFL in the red zone, scoring touchdowns on just 47.37 percent of their trips inside the opposing 20. In yesterday’s loss to the Jaguars, they found the end zone once on four trips, settling for three field goals. In the previous week’s loss at Indianapolis, they settled for...
Baseball Genius Javier Baez Turns Soft Line Drive Into Two Outs
Javier Baez’s incredible heads-up baseball has been the biggest storyline of the Cubs’ narratively overwrought postseason. And with his team trailing 1-0 in Game 2 on Sunday night, he made a brilliant snap decision to bail them out of a two-on, one-out jam....
Bears Fan And Jaguars Fans Fight To Defend The Honor Of Their Terrible Teams
A Bears fan has no ground to start talking shit, especially right after losing at home to the Jaguars. He should especially avoid repeatedly yelling “Go fuck yourself” to any Jaguars fans that he sees....
Miguel Montero Is A Hero, Cubs Take Game 1 Of NLCS
The Chicago Cubs took a 3-1 lead into the eighth inning on Saturday, where they found themselves in trouble for the first time all night. Two singles and a walk loaded the bases for the Los Angeles Dodgers with no outs, and so closer Aroldis Chapman got the call to salvage things. ...
Chicago Blackhawks Kick Their Season Off With Boneheaded Own Goal
The Blackhawks were always going to lose here. Down two goals with fewer than 30 seconds left in the game usually means certain death. You don’t have to make it any worse by casually scooting the puck into your own net, my dudes....
Are You Ready For The Flood Of Bad Writing About The Cubs?
Listen, man, we don’t have to do this:...
Even-Year Bullshit Is Dead
The San Francisco Giants’ success in even years has run its course, and we can all breathe easy that there is in fact no higher power devoted to San Francisco baseball....
Santiago Casilla Wept After The Giants Collapsed Without Him
At 10:30 in Chicago, they decided to send the horses home....
The Giants Blew It
The San Francisco Giants spent the latter half of the year tumbling headfirst down the standings, forgetting how to hit the ball, and watching their bullpen blow any games they managed to keep close. It’s somewhat fitting that their season ended with a great big fart of a collapse....
Javy Baez Only Makes Spectacular Plays
The Giants finally remembered how to play offense and hit the baseball tonight, but Cubs second baseman Javy Baez is doing everything he can to shut them down. Baez only plays baseball at one million miles per hour, and he attacks approaching grounders like Jim Harbaugh attacks glasses of milk. ...
Alshon Jeffery Is Frustrated And John Fox Tells Reporters To Enjoy Their Damn Hot Dogs
Bears coach John Fox admits he has no idea what he’ll do when Jay Cutler is healthy, since Brian Hoyer has played well. But he knows he really doesn’t want to hear any second-guessing from the media watching the game from a climate-controlled press box....
Joe Panik Walkoff Double Keeps The Giants Alive
Joe Panik’s 13th-inning double to drive in Brandon Crawford gave the Giants a 6-5 win over the Cubs on Monday, keeping San Francisco’s season alive. The even-year cockroaches now have won 10 straight games while facing elimination....
Hitters Still Can't Touch Madison Bumgarner But A Pitcher Just Knocked One Of His Balls To Fiji
If failure is success in Silicon Valley, then Madison Bumgarner is a champion tonight. The Giants ace, last seen choking the life out of the Mets, is laying an egg in an must-win against the Cubs. He came into the game with a streak of 23 straight scoreless innings in elimination games, but managed ...
The Bears Don't Know What They're Doing With Their Quarterbacks Either
The Chicago Bears have the following quarterbacks on their roster: Brian Hoyer, Matt Barkley, and Jay Cutler. Two of those dudes are bad. The other has an injured thumb and the disposition of a disgruntled tabby cat. Not the most enviable position to be in, but let’s see how john Fox plans to figure...
Johnny Cueto Was Brilliant, And It Didn't Matter
In a week that’s offered plenty in the way of high-quality postseason pitching—Corey Kluber’s virtuoso performance yesterday afternoon, Noah Syndergaard and Madison Bumgarner’s wild card duel—Johnny Cueto put up perhaps the best line of them all last night....
Root For The Cubs In The Playoffs
The Chicago Cubs had the best record—103 wins, 58 losses—in major league baseball this season. They won the NL Central by a ridiculous 17.5 games over the butt St. Louis Cardinals. They outscored their opponents by a whopping 252 runs. And I never watched them even once! Here’s why you should root f...