christian-pulisic Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The USMNT Is An Absolute Joke, And It's All U.S. Soccer's Fault
There’s a good chance that a significant number of people reading this article weren’t even alive the last time Canada beat the United States in soccer, on April 2, 1985. Thirty-four years later, and almost exactly two years since the atrocity in Couva, the USMNT has once again fallen to our neighbo...
Christian Pulisic Belongs
Former Wonderteen Christian Pulisic has been a very good soccer player at close to the highest level in the world for three-and-a-half seasons, playing admirably in huge games against Bayern Munich, Real Madrid, and other top-tier clubs. He is no longer a prospect, and he hasn’t been one for years....
Christian Pulisic Scores First Two Of What Are Sure To Be Hundreds Of Chelsea Goals
The start of Christian Pulisic’s first Premier League season is just 10 days away, though the former Wonderteen has only spent a few weeks with Chelsea after the USMNT lost the Gold Cup final. Has he had time to get up to speed and prepare for a grueling campaign? With the obvious caveat that presea...
The USMNT Lost The Gold Cup Final, And That's Probably OK
It’s never fun to lose to Mexico if you’re an American soccer fan. It’s doubly painful when it’s in the Gold Cup final, on American soil, as was the case Sunday night, when a 74th-minute golazo by Jonathan Dos Santos gave Mexico their eighth Gold Cup win—and fourth over the United States in a final—...
Christian Pulisic Capped Off His Dortmund Tenure With A Spicy Solo Goal
Borussia Dortmund’s Bundesliga title challenge probably ended on Saturday against Werder Bremen, as they gave up two goals in a five-minute span to let Die Werderaner steal a 2-2 draw that stretched Bayern Munich’s lead atop the table to four points. With two largely meaningless games left, BVB will...
Christian Pulisic Finally Played And Scored The Type Of Goal That Made Him Worth $73 Million
Christian Pulisic hasn’t been having the best time in this, his final season at Germany’s Borussia Dortmund before his record-breaking transfer to Chelsea becomes official. He had only made two substitute appearances for the Black and Yellow since the transfer was announced, and though he did get a ...
How Is Christian Pulisic Going To Fit In At Chelsea?
On Wednesday, Premier League giants Chelsea purchased Christian Pulisic from Borussia Dortmund for an astronomical €64 million (nearly $73 million). After finishing out this season in Germany, the winger will officially become a member of one of the biggest clubs in the world, in the best league in ...
Hot Damn, Chelsea Just Bought Christian Pulisic For A Shit-Ton Of Money
The rumor mill has been in overdrive these past few weeks about Christian Pulisic’s future, and today we got official confirmation of a move that still feels a little shocking: Premier League giants Chelsea have purchased the artist formally known as America’s Wonderteen from Borussia Dortmund for a...
Christian Pulisic Went Off Today
An update on Christian Pulisic, American superstar: he is still extremely good at soccer. Today, in a DFB Pokal win over Union Berlin, he had a goal, an assist, a drawn game-winning penalty, and whatever this shit this move was. ...
Happy One-Year Anniversary To This Bullshit
Has it already been a year? It seems like just yesterday I was watching wonderteen Christian Pulisic, now a wonderman, sob tears of abject despair and humiliation on a ratty old pitch after being knocked out of the World Cup qualifying rounds by Trinidad and Tobago. Let us take a trip down memory la...
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic, Who Is Now A Wonderman, Scores Winner On 20th Birthday
Christian Pulisic turned 20 years old today, which means he is no longer the Wonderteen we have all known and loved, but instead a full-grown Wonderman. He showed his newfound maturity by scoring the lone goal and winner for Borussia Dortmund in the 85th minute of their Champions League opener again...
European Soccer Is Loaded With American Kids Ready To Tear Shit Up<em></em>
American wonderteen Christian Pulisic will begin his march to the 2019 Ballon d’Or this weekend when Borussia Dortmund open their Bundesliga season against RB Leipzig. It’s hard to believe that Pulisic is still only 19, since he’s already got two stellar seasons at Dortmund under his belt and is the...
Liverpool's B-Team Came To America To Get Smacked Around By Christian Pulisic
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic willed Borussia Dortmund to a 3-1 victory over Liverpool in the International Champions Cup on Sunday, in front of 55,447 of his countrymen in Charlotte. The 19-year-old subbed in at halftime with his team down 1-0 and promptly took the game over. ...
Manchester United Need To Stay The Fuck Away From Our Wonderteen
The good thing about having one of the soccer world’s most coveted young attacking prospects is that the eyes of the game’s biggest clubs will be focused on the kid, each team projecting out his possibly incredible future and positioning themselves to snatch it for themselves if they so decide to ma...
Christian Pulisic Rings In The New Year With A Powerful And Absolutely Legit Slam Dunk
Christian Pulisic—the wonderteen, the nation’s best and most favored soccer man, an elite athlete blessed with speed and agility and hops we don’t normally associate with slight, diminutive whiteboys—had himself a (mostly) great 2017. To commemorate his metaphorical ascent to the heights of the spor...
America's Wonderteen Delivers 89th-Minute Match-Winner For Dortmund
Borussia Dortmund claimed a 2-1 win over Hoffenheim today when Christian Pulisic juggled his way past Oliver Baumann in the 89th minute to score yet another game-winner for his side, keeping them in third place in the Bundesliga....
Our Dear Sweet Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Is Very Sad About Missing The World Cup
Once the rage subsided within the proud hearts of American soccer fans in response to the USMNT’s humiliating failure to qualify for next summer’s World Cup, the feeling that settled in has been one of profound sadness. Mostly, this sadness has centered on what was stolen from us—namely, the opportu...
Christian Pulisic And The USMNT Are Destroying Panama
The USMNT needed to whoop on Panama tonight, and they got off to a thrilling start, unzipping the Panamanian defense twice in the first 20 minutes and adding a penalty right before halftime. The entire first half was a thrilling affair despite the soggy Orlando pitch, and there could have been at le...
The USMNT Can't Afford To Lose
The United States Men’s National Team has two games left in CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying, two games against teams that, by all accounts, the USMNT should not have any problems dispatching. Trinidad & Tobago have gotten owned more or less nonstop throughout the Hex, and Panama were lousy enough to l...
Michael Bradley And Christian Pulisic Are Unimpressed With Alexi Lalas's Shit Talk
Alexi Lalas barred up the entire USMNT on TV this past weekend, which was great and deserved and frankly overdue. Lalas’s brief rant included clear shots at a number of national teamers, but his barbs aimed at Michael Bradley and Christian Pulisic were arguably the most pointed. Bradley and Pulisic ...