christmas Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your Imaginary Boyfriend: Jesus Christ
Welcome back to Your Imaginary Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Jezebel's series in which we explore the wild and entirely fabricated world of dating a famous person. As is the risk with most fan fiction, things might get weird and things might get creepy, but the important thing is that we all have a good tim...
<em>San Francisco Chronicle</em>: David Stern Schedules Games On Christmas Because He "Celebrates Hanukkah" And "Has No Real Feel For Christmas In The First Place"
Oh, good: Bruce Jenkins took some space in his recent column about the NBA to suggest that David Stern ruined Christmas with basketball because he's Jewish:...
The Texas Basketball Holiday Song Wars Continue: Here Are The Dallas Mavericks, Trying To Sing "Sleigh Ride"
Not to be outdone by their rivals in Houston, who sort of sang the Dreidel Song, the Dallas Mavericks got together to sort of sing a "Sleigh Ride" karaoke. It's pretty good, especially, Chris Kaman, who is funnier than he looks. Rick Carlisle, too, and O.J Mayo, who only makes sound effects. Now a...
The Shitty Parent's Guide To Children's Christmas Presents
Christmas is coming, which gives you a golden opportunity to squander money and add to the mounting clutter inside your home. There are millions of options when it comes to buying presents for your children and then pretending that Santa gave them those presents and then resenting the fact that the ...
Taste Test: Three Weird Santa Candies That Want To Murder You
Our cultural affinity for eating crumbly effigies of supernatural holiday icons (the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Jesus Christ) only seems weird and slightly unsavory until you consider that we're trying to absorb their mystical powers into ourselves, and then it makes perfect sense. Who wouldn't want...
Santa Fired For Telling A 3-Year-Old The Maple Leafs Suck
Here it is, the best thing to come out of Toronto since this picture of Rob Ford drunk. A mall Christmas market Santa traumatizing the very first child on line to meet him....
Calculators, George W. Bush Ties: Why You Shouldn't Leave Your Christmas Wish List In The Office's Shared Folder
Time for another edition of Christmas shaming, in which we examine the wish lists of your friends, loved ones, and co-workers. It's a look into the strange wants and materialistic hearts of those who dwell among us. So keep sending them in. Anonymity guaranteed....
The Bro-iest Christmas Wish List Ever Written
Color us shocked—we had no idea that grown-ups A) made wish lists and B) spent hours putting them together. But when we posted a 21-year-old woman's incredibly detailed list yesterday, the feedback was equally split between those who thought she was a spoiled adult baby, and those who didn't see wha...
21-Year-Old Woman's Endless Christmas Wish List Will Make You Want To Punch Something
We reiterate that this person is not a child. She is 21, legally an adult, presumably with or on the verge of full financial independence. Each year the Massachusetts woman creates a wish list, filled with every conceivable thing she might want, and sends it out to her entire family....
A Directory Of Places Where You Can Watch Sports While Eating Chinese Food Today
Here is a very incomplete list of places in our great nation where you can watch sports while eating Chinese food today—as suggested by you, our readers. If you have more ideas, please let us know in the comments. All endorsements sic'd....
Readers: Tell Us Where To Watch Sports While Eating Chinese On Dec. 25
Christmas is on Sunday, and while most public activity shuts down so the Christians and semi-Christians can worship American consumerism and baby Jesus, our nation's Jews will be eating Chinese food and watching hoops like it's just another Hanukkah weekend. What a world!...
The Atlanta Braves Wish You A Merry Christmas By Performing The Worst Rendition Of "Jingle Bells" Imaginable
Kris Medlen (the puffy-cheeked one with the bent brim) is the only one who gives it any effort, and he's followed by Chipper Jones's smug sunburnt visage. Ugh. Merry Christmas....
Counterpoint: Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus
Gosh, somebody is taking a supposedly beloved holiday ritual and saying it's really awful and depressing. Who ever had that idea before? Oh, right: Charlies Schulz....
Fuck You, Charlie Brown
Every year you watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, and every year you come away depressed. You're a real asshole, Charlie Brown. Originally published Dec. 9, 2010. Read Tom Scocca's counterpoint: "Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus."...
Christmas Hype Will Drive Your Children To Insanity
Christmas is four days away. I know this because my kids have been counting down the days since, I dunno, LAST goddamn Christmas. Children have boring lives. They have to go to school all day. They have to listen to adults tell them what to do. They can't watch porn. It blows. Christmas is one of th...
Chad McGhee Has Risen Up Against President Obama And Government Itself
Now that the Knox City Greyhounds season is over, Chad McGhee has turned his attention to matters besides Texas high school six-man football. Here, he takes both a moral and political stand against the POTUS and affiliated pagans who have declared war on the Lord. In these War on Christmas times, ...
Gifts For People Who Have An Opinion About Tim Tebow
Nobody puts the "Christ" in "Christmas" like America's greatest football phenomenon. Don't stop with Denver Broncos gear—Tim Tebow is much more than just an athlete, as the bio of "Timmy" on the Tebow family ministry's website makes clear. Here are a few ideas to help your favorite Tebower get close...
Gifts For People Who Play With Balls
It can be hard to watch sports all the time and not feel that instinctive, itching urge to get off the couch and toss a ball around for a little while (or at least during the commercial breaks). But we want to make sure that you take heed of the special hierarchy of balls that are available for toss...
Gifts For Gamers
Shopping for video game aficionados should be easy. There's seemingly an endless supply of games, systems, and gadgets to suit their every need. The thing is, though, gamers have are used to checking out the reviews for every perspective purchase on the market. They know the field so well that they'...
Gifts For Sports Fans Who Wear Clothes
Buying apparel for the sports fan is a slippery slope. You know they want to show loyalty to their team, but wearing a jersey outside the stadium or sports bar isn't acceptable once they're 18. We've put together some options that manage to ooze fandom and class....