cincinnati Page 42 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Thursday Night Preview: #23 South Florida at Cincinnati
In keeping with the theme of the day, once the ESPN Thursday night programmer took a shit and put it into his ESPN issued lunchbox (the graphic on the lunchbox was Stuart Scott's lazy eye and the eye followed you when it moved.)Anyway, then the ESPN programmer collected Lou Holtz's spit and mixed i...
Mound Visits By Dusty Baker Are Somewhat Unnerving To Nine-Year-Olds
What I learned this weekend: Dusty Baker can mismanage a pitching staff even if it consists of 9- and 10-year-olds. OK, in his defense, his team was enjoying a 25-3 lead when Baker inserted his son, Darren, in relief in the fourth inning on Saturday. Darren proceeded to pour gasoline on the fire by ...
Ocho Cinco: Excuse Me, While I Kiss This Star
You've got to give props to Chad Formerly-Johnson, whose talents as a receiver are almost equal to his marketing acumen. Managing once again to somehow keep an 0-4 team in the spotlight, he vowed on Wednesday to score a touchdown and kiss the Dallas star when the Bengals play in Irving on Sunday. Bu...
Ocho Cinco Knows How To Cure The Bengals: It's Time To Par-tay
The Artist Formerly Known As Chad Johnson does not want to go to that strip club. The last thing he wants is to go on a drunken tequila binge and wake up in his hotel room on Sunday draped in hookers and clutching a reefer the size of a corncob. But damn it, he will do it for the team. No sacrifice ...
Ocho Cinco's Name Change Papers Reveal His Creative Kids' Names
Tired of hearing about Chad Ocho Cinco yet? Me neither. The Smoking Gun has his name change documents and while they are mostly unexciting, we've learned a few things about the man. Apparently he claims to have no ulterior reasons for changing his name. I guess "Sticking it to Roger Goodell" wasn't ...
NFL Season Preview: Cincinnati Bengals
We're less than 24 hours away from the start of the NFL season, so it's time to finish the impassioned season previews from various writers, bloggers, diehard fans, cooks, TV personalities, and numerous other walks of life whom consider football the only sport worth watching. Clearly, these previews...
Aye Carumba! Chad Johnson Changes Last Name To Ocho Cinco
So Bengals wideout Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to "Chad Javon Ocho Cinco." Which I guess is only slightly better than "Chad Javon GoldenPalace.com." Chad expects to play in the Bengals' season opener, despite suffering a dislocated shoulder in the preseason and creating more needlework...
Now You Can Bet on Which NFL Team Will Have the Next Arrest
Somewhere Roger Goodell is crying. Or making a boatload of cash thanks to inside information. Right now the Cincinnati Bengals lead the clubhouse at 5/1. Many teams are set at 25/1. Not content with betting on teams? In addition to team arrests, you can take the over/under on number of individual a...
Reds Management Would Like To Apologize For All The Sucking
In an odd move even for them, the Cincinnati Reds front office has written an open letter to fans to apologize for being in last place. Of course, CEO Bob Castellini and GM Walt Jocketty don't admit to any wrongdoing — there were injuries! And the weather has been generally bad! — but they don't wan...
Who Killed The Cincinnati Reds?
Despite assurances from CEO Bob Castellini that he is not rebuilding the team from scratch, it can't be denied that the Cincinnati Reds are very, very sick. Almost dead, as Miracle Max would say. It all began, in my opinion, when their jovial mascot, Mr. Redlegs, lost his head in a tragic ballpark A...
Kenny Irons ("AKA The Franchise") Is "Hongry" For Some Hooters
So he does what any man who is hongry for some Hooters does, he takes a camera in and narrates a trip to the restaurant. I'm sure this video will go a long way towards making Bengals fans feel better about the second round pick their team spent on the Auburn running back. If you've ever wondered wh...
Ken Griffey, Jr. Tosses Throat Slash To Jeff Brantley
We've officially seen everything now. Griffey was evidently upset by comments Reds announcer Jeff Brantley made regarding his contract. Why after twenty years of relative peace, Griffey is breaking out late 90's football moves to make his points is anyone's guess. I guess he could do the Icky Shuff...
Carson Palmer Despises Ohio State, Jim Tressel, and Their Fans
It's a good thing Ohio State fans are so worldly and forgiving. Because otherwise Carson could be in some hot water. Evidently Palmer, a noted USC and Pac-10 homer, went on Los Angeles sports talk radio and brought the thunder....
Chad Johnson Is An Interviewer's Dream
At this point approaching Chad Johnson with a microphone is slightly less dangerous than taunting tigers at the San Francisco Zoo....
Griffey May Be Headed To The Unlikliest Of Places
Ken Griffey Jr. is considering waiving his no-trade clause to move over to the Tampa Bay Rays, according to SI.com, and you know what that means: An aging-slugger arms race in the AL East. Tampa Bay's show of force will have to be met in kind by the Yankees, who of course will sign Barry Bonds the f...
Pujols Breaks Down, Will Not Be Shot
We all know that Ken Griffey Jr. is injury prone, but is it communicable? No sooner had the Cardinals landed in Cincinnati than Albert Pujols pulled up lame — strained calf — and had to be taken off the field in a wheelbarrow. Earlier he had teamed with Super Friend Rick Ankiel for back-to-back home...
The 600
It was kind of surreal to see Ken Griffey Jr.'s 600th home run land in the sparsely populated Dolphins Stadium bleachers. Announced attendance was 16,003 — about two grand above the team's average this season — and aside for a mild scramble for the souvenier, there wasn't much of a fuss. Fitting, i...
The Law Finally Catches Up With The Cruzin Cooler
You may think that this is a free nation; where a man can enjoy a full day of holiday drinking and then drive home peacefully on his motorized cooler without being harrassed by the authorities. But you'd be wrong. A Whitehall, N.Y. man found that out on Memorial Day when he was pulled over while dri...
Chase Utley Is The Most Interesting Man In The World
Chase Utley is lighter than air, can charm the birds out of the trees and never forgets your birthday. His blood smells like cologne. He also makes diving, backhanded catches, has hit 21 home runs, will run into the catcher full tilt and is not opposed to bunting his way on base. On Monday, his hero...