closer Page 10 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Celtics Shown Up By LeBron, Punked By LeBron's Mom
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's starting to think Tuesday is the new Monday. When he's not wishing he was still chillin' in bed, he can be found rubbing his chin in a thoughtful way at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
The EPL Season Ends ... And Look Who Called It!
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer....
The Spurs Are Still Hanging Around
Show me your Jazz hands. Chris Paul is clearly screwing up Deron Williams' endorsement deals. If the Hornets' point guard didn't exist, everyone would write love letters to Williams and and name their pets after him. Even thoug, Williams dropped 29 points, 14 assists and three boards as the Jazz tie...
Pink Bats, Red Faces; This One's For You, Mom
Here we go, writing about breasts again. Mother's Day was Sunday, and you know what that means: The pink bats were back. And while that's good for the fight against breast cancer, it was bad for the Cincinnati Reds, who just seemed to be horribly disoriented by the unfamiliar flashing colors. I supp...
Happy Belated Mother's Day
The NHL Closer is written by five momma's boys at Melt Your Face Off. We know that our mothers are beautiful women, but LeFawn puts them to shame....
An Indian Offensive 'SPLOSION!
The Cavs victory wasn't the only thing Mistake by the Lakers celebrated yesterday while eagerly awaiting their next 23-cent pizza day. Grady Sizemore homered twice and drove in five runs to propel the Tribe to a 12-0 throttling of the Blue Jays. It's enough to get Indians fans off their ice cream he...
Chris Osgood's Feel-Good Story Comes To A Butt-End
While Mitch Albom was gushing over what a selfless mensch Chris Osgood is on the Sports Reporters this morning for gracefully stepping aside when the Red Wings signed Dominik Hasek, he conveniently ignored the cheap shot Osgood took with the butt-end of his stick to the Stars' Mike Ribeiro at the en...
KG's Jedi Mind Tricks Don't Work In Cleveland
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who suggests that you see Iron Man immediately if you haven't already seen it. And if you have seen it, see it again. When he's not marketing major motion pictures for free, he can be found playing cards with Bigfoot at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Papelbon's Control Goes On The Lam
Mike Lamb, he of the .213 average and no homers in 94 at-bats, was the latest to victimize the Red Sox closer, who has blown back-to-back saves. That leaves him one short of his mark through all of last season. Papelbon opened the 9th by allowing a single to Delmon Young, who advanced to third on a...
The Flyers Are Not Fond Of Game 1s
Sure, the Flyers eventually knuckled under to the Penguins' explosive attack after getting up early, but they're clearly just setting up the Pens like they did to the Caps and the Habs. Philly has lost the opener in each of its three series this postseason. The Pens have even gone as far as to crib ...
In Salt Lake City, The Bottle Hits <em>You</em>
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would like to abuse his position to give a public shout-out to his buddy Dave, who just got his Master's Degree from Purdue University. Way to go, Dave! When he's not making with the gratuitous congratulations, he can be found trimming his unibrow at Bas...
The Placement Of That Pitch Has Vexed Me, Sir. Now We Shall Wrestle
It's not really a classic baseball brawl until a tubby Don Zimmer is thrown to the turf, but this'll do. It happened on Thursday at Safeco Field: After the Rangers' Kason Gabbard tossed a fourth-inning delivery at the Mariners' Richie Sexson at face level, Sexson charged the mound and clocked Gabba...
Look Out, Mr. Turco
The NHL Closer is written by the five feathered friends at Melt Your Face-Off. When not flying south for the winter and molting, they recap the night in Hockey. Reasonable Doubt, contrary to popular belief, is not a Red Wing. He has not, nor has he ever been, a member of the communist party. He migh...
Invasion Of The LeBron Snatchers!
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who could be replaced by an alien doppelganger any day now. It's been nice knowing you. When he's not trying to organize an underground resistance, he can be found practicing his "Nanu Nanu" at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Look Who's Back, Giants' Fans!
Now back in your starting lineup, sporting an 0-7 record and a 6.95 ERA, only the third starting pitcher since 1956 to go 0-6 before May ... Barry Zito. Thank you. It was a good spot for Giants' manager Bruce Bochy to bring Zito back from the bullpen. Wednesday's opponent was the Pirates, featuring ...
Kobe, Pretentious Lakers Fans Celebrate A Lifetime Of Achievement
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is about to take you to another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into the wondrous land of the NBA. Next stop, the Basketbawful zone. Enjoy!...
Guys And Dolls: Floyd, White Sox Back On Top
The inflatable sex doll community was shocked on Tuesday night when Chicago's Gavin Floyd once again lost a no-hitter in the late going; giving up a double to the Twins' Joe Mauer with one out in the ninth. (Inset: "Nooooo!"). Bobby Jenks came on to get the final two outs in the White Sox's 7-1 vic...
Merciful God Answers Prayers, Ends Game 1 Of Cavs-Celts Series
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who woke up this morning without Internet access and had to rush off to a Caribou Coffee, where the "free WiFi hotspot" actually cost him a bag of Deep River potato chips. When he's not finding a way to do his Deadspin column at the last second, he can be fo...
Dice-K Takes That Sniffling, Sneezing, Aching, Coughing, Stuffy-head, Fever, So-You-Can-Still-Beat-The-Tigers Medicine
Yeah, well don't get too smug, Tigers' fans. Considering that you started the season 0-7, and you couldn't beat a wildly off-target Daisuke Matsuzaka on Monday, losing 6-3 — your fourth straight loss — I wouldn't be mocking the Lions too loudly. It may not be long before your fans are wearing paper ...
Pistons, 19th Century Technology Defeat Magic
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's interested to see how the Celtics plan to stop LeBron tonight. (He suggests napalm and well-trained attack dogs.) When he's not making violent anti-LeBron plans, he can be found relieving his NBA bladder at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...