closer Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
There's Nothing More Annoying Than A Rays Fan With A Cowbell
OK, first of all, Cowbell Kid may seem pretty impressive when he's among his own in Tropicana Field, but I'd like to see him tearing down banners and clanging his bell at Fenway ... or Yankee Stadium, for that matter. Can Cowbell Kid win on the road? That's the question. As for the Rays, they've ans...
Rays, Red Sox Let Us All Down, Fail To Brawl
So what happened to Jonathan Papelbon's prediction of fisticuffs and other mayhem when the Red Sox returned to Tropicana Field? No brushbacks or punches or obscene gestures ... all we got was some lame identity theft. Rays manager Joe Maddon spent much of Monday trying to cancel his debiit card, whi...
We Who Are About To Die Salute You
The Cubs really don't have a reasonable explanation as to why they suck so relatively badly on the road. The White Sox beat the Cubs 5-1 on Sunday to complete a three-game sweep, the North side's eighth loss in the past 12 games. And here we see Mr. Kerry Wood trying to explain it, as you probably s...
Windy City Teams On Verge Of Trading Sweeps; Kerry Wood Not Pleased
Despite getting the catchy nickname of "One of the most consistent hitters in the game" by teammate Matt Murton, Aramis Ramirez failed to take advantage of a lead-off double in the 9th by Derrek Lee. With one out and Lee on third, Bobby Jenks forced the Cubbie into grounding out weakly to short when...
Sir Sidney Gives Up No Runs; Probably Ate Them All
Sidney Ponson made his unceremonious (only to Ponson, as ceremonious occasions usually have bacon gravy) return to the Yankees in the second half of a two-ballpark doubleheader yesterday with the cross-Gotham Mets. And he laid into them like they were an Aruban judge, tossing six shutout innings in ...
Shawn Chacon Is Now Looking For Work
Time is running out to claim Shawn Chacon on waivers! Act now, and you will receive one slightly used Major League pitcher, ERA just above 5.00, with a tendency to throttle when perturbed. Buy it now price: $2 million. Chacon was put on waivers Thursday by the Houston Astros, one day after and unfor...
Spanish Bombs
“Spanish bombs, yo te quiero infinito yo te quiero oh mi corazón Spanish bombs, yo te quiero infinito yo te quiero oh mi corazón” – “Spanish Bombs”, The Clash...
Look At Those Crazy Rays, And The Dead Fish
• Battered Fish. A 10-run inning? Wha? The Battle of Florida is not going well for the Marlins, as Tampa Bay enjoyed a 10-run, 14-batter, 32-minute fifth inning on its way to a 15-3 win. Carl Crawford had two homers and five RBI. Believe it or not, it wasn't a franchise record for the Rays, who once...
The Post Is Certain To Experience Technical Difficulties
“It's like how much more black could this be? And the answer is none, none more black.” – Nigel Tufnel...
Much Excitement In The Area Where The Allegheny And Monongahela Converge To Form The Ohio River
Wouldn't it be ironic — in a fun, cosmic sort of way — if the turning point for the Pittsburgh Pirates' franchise came on Tuesday night? It was the first time since 1960 that the New York Yankees had played in Pittsburgh, when, as you surely recall, Bill Mazeroski won Game 7 of the World Series with...
Is There Any Way Turkey Pulls Off The Upset?
Forgive me if my memory from that night in Frankfurt, Germany two years ago is a little hazy. It definitely included conversations with members of Germany’s Stampede Wrestling Federation. And yes, the Gypsy Kings, “Volare” blared over the speakers on repeat. There may or may not have been an appear...
Behold The Awesome Offensive Power Of American League Pitchers
Ha! Take that Hank Steinbrenner, you big dolt. Pitchers shouldn't hit? Felix Hernandez hit the first grand slam by an American League pitcher in 37 years, leading the Mariners over the Mets 5-2 on Monday night. Hernandez did get hurt; but not running the bases, as Steinbrenner imagines in his sweaty...
Welcome To The Battle Of Chicago
Now that's what I'm talking about. This is how you do a rivalry, people. North Side vs. South Side, Ozzie vs. Lou. Plenty of trash talk. Copious amounts of Ryan Dempster. Let's get it on! When Round 1 was over on Sunday the Cubs had done it; swept the White Sox in the Friendly Confines. Round 2 comi...
Still Dancing In Turkey
“I don’t believe … what I just saw.” – Jack Buck, 1988 World Series Game 1, after Kirk Gibson’s walk off home run off Dennis Eckersley....
Berto Is More God Than Man
I've made no secret of my affection for Andre Berto, perhaps now you know why. The 24 year-old welterweight put the boxing world on notice, announcing his presence in the upper tier of the sport's best division. Berto earned the vacant WBC belt with a dazzling knockout performance against an admitte...
C.C. Is Not A Singles Hitter
After a rough start to the season Cleveland's C.C. Sabathia has found his groove on the mound, and now at the plate as well. The rotund power pitcher didn't like his teammates calling him a singles hitter after last year's round of interleague play, so he stepped into the box in his first at bat of ...
Herzlich Willkommen In Amerika!
Arthur Abraham didn't like the idea of people questioning his controversial hometown victory over Edison Miranda, so two years later he came stateside to make it official. Abraham thrice dropped Miranda, who fell back into his unfortunate habit of dirty fighting to no avail. After the third knockdow...
Elijah Dukes Is A Bad Bad Man
The Rangers (née Senators) and the Nationals (like the Senators minus Frank Howard) took 14 innings to decide things before Elijah Dukes delivered with his second walk-off hit of the month. Back on June 5th Dukes finally crossed the Mendoza line with four hits, including a 10th inning game-winning h...
Yankees Officially The Hottest Team In Baseball. Discuss
Joba Chamberlain pitched well, but didn't get the decision. Alex Rodriguez singled in the go-ahead run. Derek Jeter, his pillow wet from tears, was 2-for-3 with a run scored. The Yankees beat the Padres 2-1 on Thursday for their seventh straight win — New York's longest winning streak of the season...
Wherefore Art Thou, Ronaldo?
Vasco da Gama has dropped his astrolabe....