No one ever—I checked; it literally has never happened—has gone, “Dang, if only I had not pickled some foodstuffs.” Does this mean pickling some foodstuffs is a good idea for you, right now, wherever you are, even if where you are right now is an important meeting in a grey conference room surrounded by your work…
What do you do if your spouse, an amateur and not very skilled cook, makes a disgusting and possibly lethal “sushi casserole” and sets his or her heart on bringing it to and serving it at a large, fancy social event, where it almost certainly will meet with humiliating public rejection?
Many people are saying, “Huh. Cumin. I do not think I have any particularly strong good or bad feelings about that spice.” They can go to hell! Cumin is not a spice for mild opinions. It is a fuckin’ great spice.
In the abstract—which is to say, if you were an extremely rich person with an army of servants to attend to all but those parts of human life you chose to handle yourself, and therefore did not have to worry about things like cleaning and upkeep—the best kind of pan would be a well-seasoned cast iron pan. It can…
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking menu boards, pets, pubes, ad music, and more.
It’s the smallest thing, really. Maybe you already do it! But maybe you do not already do it, and you have wondered why the food you cook always seems underwhelming. Probably there are lots of reasons why the food you cook always seems underwhelming, not least among them your pathological inability to value anything…
Memorial Day weekend is upon us! Which means two things: Public swimming pools are opening throughout the four-seasons parts of our great nation; and, if you haven’t been invited to a Memorial Day cookout, it turns out no one likes you very much. Hey, join the club, pal. Long summer weekends are for cookouts. Maybe…
Here was a challenge: my wife had decided to host her staff of 14 in our home for some awful reason. Something to do with a training video and general good-vibe staff retreat benefits. They would need to eat food, of course, and herein lay the challenge: More than half of her staff members consider themselves vegans.…
Shit, man. Autumn is officially here. Life sucks now.
In case anyone is keeping track, I should note that this will be the last Lunchbox for a little while. We’re going on a hiatus that will test my ability to eat anything other than cheesy popcorn for lunch without the accountability of a blog post. Rather than go out with a sophisticated—and complicated—bang, we’re…
Listen. We are going to form and skewer and grill and eat meat dicks. There’s just no way of obscuring this, so let’s deal with it right here and now.
Don’t let anyone serve you burgers as unsettlingly floppy as the reheated deli patties very good Deadspin writer Nick Martin and I ate on camera earlier this week. Any respectable Labor Day party will be hosted somewhere with an actual heat source (preferably a charcoal grill; gas grills are largely props for…
Both of my parents are talented, dedicated cooks with demanding law careers. This means that in order to feed themselves and their four kids homemade dinners during the week, they were, without ever calling it that, masters of meal planning. Huge swatches of the weekends were spent on intricate recipes that I failed…
You would think a single AC unit would be sufficient for cooling the sort of diminutive New York City one-bedroom for which I am currently overpaying. But, alas, despite racking up what is sure to be a reprehensibly reckless utilities bill, it’s still at least a billion degrees in my apartment this week, so we’re…
It’s easy to fall into a summertime pattern of eating tacos and kabobs and barbecue on a three-day rotation, because those are delicious things to eat and they are best eaten in summer. Broadly speaking, this is doing summer right. Enjoy your tacos! Enjoy your kabobs! Enjoy your barbecue, so long as someone else is…
You should wear gloves while working with hot peppers—even though that seems like an awfully generous concession to make to a piece of produce you’re about to obliterate with your mouth hole—because if you don’t, you may start to notice a tingling in your fingertips. Aw, crap, you might think, realizing that removing…
The tomato sauce that we’re making to go along with turkey meatballs in a couple of meal-planned lunches this week is easy. It is not, however, quick. The recipe actually sounds a little absurd at first: Five pounds of tomatoes, each one chopped, scooped, and grated before you’re even ready to start cooking. It’s from …
Before this week, I had never eaten rhubarb. This is because I am of the firm belief that any dessert without chocolate is not worth my time and—even though rhubarb is a vegetable and pie is almost universally not worth the effort—people insist on serving rhubarb in pie form. Maybe it’s got something to do with the…
Summer—it’s here! It’s really, really here! Officially! The calendar says so!
Meal planning has always seemed to me to represent an aspirational level of Having Your Shit Togetherness. I assume that if I can streamline the whole eating process such that I can do grocery shopping and lunch packing from muscle memory, I’ll be left with more mental energy and money to dedicate to other pursuits.…
