copa-america Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Brazil's Marquinhos Says Battling Diarrhea Made Defending Messi "Very Difficult"
Brazilian defender Marquinhos spoke highly of the Argentinian side his team disposed of on Tuesday in the semifinal of the Copa América, saying that both Lionel Messi and the whole of Argentina’s squad had an “inspired” night that made for a great game—Brazil went on to win 2-0. But while the task o...
Lionel Messi Goes Off On "Bullshit" Refereeing After Argentina Lose To Brazil
VAR has been a disaster at the Copa América this summer, and last night’s Brazil-Argentina semifinal was no different. And as evidenced by his scathing postgame comments slamming VAR and the refereeing in general after his team fell to Brazil, Lionel Messi is fed the fuck up with it....
Aging Fraud Luis Suárez Misses Only Penalty In Shootout Against Peru, Ends Uruguay's Copa América Campaign
The trade-off in having Luis Suárez on a team has always been for every person he bites, black player he racially abuses, or referee he headbutts, he’ll score at least a couple dozen goals to make up for all of that shithousery. But it appears that as he’s reached his 30s, the playing abilities that...
Edinson Cavani Scores Game-Winning Goal Over Guy Who Once Stuck Fingers Up His Butt
Edinson Cavani secured Uruguay a big win over Chile yesterday with a stunning goal in the 82nd minute. The goal itself was sweet, as it meant Uruguay finished atop their group in the Copa América. But what made it even sweeter was that Cavani scored it over the guy who once stuck his fingers up Cava...
Venezuela Made A Pact With The VAR Devil
For most of my lifetime, Venezuela has been chum for the sharks of South America. La Vinotinto have never qualified for a World Cup, have never even made the final of a Copa America, and generally do not put up much of a fight, particularly against the top teams on the continent, and even more so wh...
Copa América Has Been A Horrible Mess So Far
We’re through the first round of group stage games in the 2019 Copa América, and there’s really only one thing we know for sure: this tournament is total ass. The first six matches have been plagued by blowouts, VAR nonsense, and all the usual CONMEBOL-flavored bullshit. This isn’t a bug, but rather...
What Is Lionel Messi Worth To Argentina?
There is a simple, financial answer to the question posed in the headline of this article: Lionel Messi is reportedly worth €450,000 per contractually-arranged international friendly. That is how much the Argentinian Football Federation (AFA) lost out on after Messi’s recent groin injury kept him ou...
Nobody Benefits From Lionel Messi Returning To Argentina's National Team
After more than eight months away from the national team, during which time it wasn’t clear if he would play for his country ever again after yet another World Cup disappointment, Lionel Messi is officially back in the Argentina team. And that might not be good for anyone....
Alexis Sanchez's Ankle Injury Is Pretty Gruesome-Looking
Alexis Sanchez had to leave the Copa America final before the penalty shootout on account of Gabriel Mercado caught him with a nasty tackle that left him unable to play past the 104th minute. Chile won anyway, thanks to Messi’s chokejob, but Alexis’ ankle has ballooned up and it looks like the podia...
God Fucking Dammit, Gonzalo Higuaín
At this point, it’s pretty hard to dismiss out of hand the notion that Gonzalo Higuaín—unquestionably one of the best forwards in the sport, fresh off a historically great season—might be a sleeper agent embedded in the Argentine national team for the express purpose of bringing the team, the countr...
Why Lionel Messi's "Retirement" Is Probably Just A Threat
It might have been merely frustration: Three straight years of making international finals, three straight finals losses in extra time or on penalties. Or it might have been the last night of Argentina as we know it....
Lionel Messi Says He Is Quitting International Play: "The National Team Is Over For Me"
Lionel Messi told TV reporters after Argentina’s Copa América final loss to Chile that it would be his final appearance for his nation, retiring from international play due to what sounds like his frustration at the inability to ever lead his squad to a trophy....
Chile Win Copa América In PKs After Messi Chokes
The world’s greatest soccer player once again failed to lead his team to a major international trophy as Argentina fell to Chile in penalties 4-2, thanks in part to Messi failing to deliver his PK attempt on target....
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Colombian Heavy Metal "¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" Clocks In At 37 Seconds
Yeah, so Colombia took an early lead on the U.S. in tonight’s Copa América third-place match, but that means we once again get to check in on the cybernetic-lunged “El Cantante del Gol,” Javier Fernández. Tonight’s heavy metal “¡Gol!” spanned 37 seconds of uninterrupted, uh, “¡Gol!”-ing. I can’t eve...
Hater-Ass Diego Maradona Is Lowkey Shit-Talking Argentina's National Team Again
Argentina, you may remember, just Hulk-smashed the USMNT in the Copa América Centenario earlier this week to earn a spot in the Copa final—the third consecutive tournament title match the Albiceleste have competed in. Understandably, someone asked former Argentina great and current waterlogged greml...
Idiot On The Field Leads Slapstick Chase Through Copa America Match, Eventually Gets Bodyslammed
Chile vs. Colombia was exciting during the first half, nonexistent for the next two hours, then soggy and boring for the second half. Thankfully, stoppage time featured an amazing moment in Idiot On The Field history, as this enterprising dumbass managed to escape a sizable horde of the security tea...
Thank You, Lionel Messi, For Demolishing The USMNT
It’s hard to think of an image that better encapsulates the confidence permeating Lionel Messi and—through osmosis, if nothing else—his fellow Argentine teammates than those few moments right before he took that free kick against the U.S. last night....
A Good Shitkicking Is What U.S. Soccer Needed
There are two ways to absorb the U.S.’s 4-0 pantsing at the hands of an overwhelmingly superior Argentina side. The first is fatalist, and is espoused by ESPN’s Doug McIntyre. It holds that this drubbing was so utter and so complete that there’s nothing constructive to take from the loss, no insight...
World's Best Soccer Players Offer Their Takes On USMNT
The USMNT took their swing at Argentina and got taken apart like an insect in the hands of a cruel child. I don’t have any takes other than that the U.S. needed to let Christian Pulisic cook earlier and that three-quarters of FS1's broadcast crew picking them to win was absurd....