crapulence - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Mankind's 10 Stages Of Drunkenness, According To Our Best SportswriterIn honor of his new book (and in grudging acknowledgment of Frat Boy Thanksgiving), we give you Dan Jenkins's famous list, from Baja Oklahoma:...

How To Eat 1 Gallon, 9 Ounces Of Ice Cream In 12 Minutes Without Getting A Headache: The Secrets Of Ed "Cookie" JarvisTell Me When It's Over is an interview series in which we ask former athletes about the moment they knew their playing days were over. Today: Ed "Cookie" Jarvis, a 46-year-old real estate agent, married father of two, cancer survivor, and retired competitive eater....

42 "Pussy" Shots For £126! An Unscientific Analysis Of The Epic £203,948.80 Bar Tab From A Liverpool NightclubWhere to begin with this epic bar tab (full version at the bottom)? It's so single-minded, so devoid of nuance. I hate it. When Petchesky first directed my attention to this abomination, which was posted a few places yesterday, I thought it could only belong to one man—Don Johnson, the "champagne ki...

Don Johnson, The Champagne King And The Beast Of Blackjack, Has Once Again Punished An Atlantic City Casino

After a few months of suspiciously restrained behavior, blackjack savant Don Johnson has returned. He was spotted in October in Atlantic City stuffing fistfuls of casino chips into his gullet. Just grinding them up between his world-class molars. No, I made that up. He was actually cashing in fistfu...

One Armand De Brignac Nebuchadnezzar For Only $100,000! An Unscientific Analysis Of The Zac-Efron-And-Heather-Graham-Inspired Chicago Bar Bill

People are making a big deal out of the epic bar tab this week (full version here), but I don't see why. Far as I can tell, it was just another Tuesday night in the Board Room, Chicago's epicenter of cool. Another Tuesday night with the top people in the Midwest. Have you been to the Board Room? It'...

"Champagne King" Don Johnson Is At It Again, This Time With The U.S. Women's Soccer Team

We've mentioned Don Johnson on this site before, first because of his exploits at the blackjack tables in Atlantic City and later because of his exploits in nightclubs, where he buys enormous bottles of expensive champagne and sprays people with his foam. On Monday, party Johnson popped up in Avenue...

One Armand De Brignac Midas Bottle For £120,000! An Unscientific Analysis Of An Enormous Johnson's Epic Bar Tab In London

Atlantic City casino scourge Don Johnson (not to be confused with 80s-era TV scourge Don Johnson) must have seen the damage the Bruins did in the MGM Grand bar in Foxwoods recently. He must have burned with envy. For those of you unaware, Don Johnson has earned the dubious moniker of "The Champagne ...

136 Bud Lights For Only $680! An Unscientific Analysis Of The Boston Bruins' Epic Bar Tab From Foxwoods

The photo of this receipt is hazy (full version here), and that's how it should be. Mere hours after riding through the streets of Boston in Duck Boats, the Bruins took the Stanley Cup to the MGM Grand at Foxwoods and set to drinking. First came the bottle of Bacardi and 18 sugar free Red Bulls. "Su...