Cristiano Ronaldo is not “cool.” It’s a little strange because he has many of the traits commonly associated with coolness—he’s famous, successful, cocky, handsome, has a body that looks like it was carved out of marble, has dated a number of the most gorgeous women in the world, etc.—and yet the overall package is…
Cristiano Ronaldo just played one of the best games of his life. He was outstanding throughout today’s Portugal-Spain match, holding up play like a champ, giving life to numerous counterattacks with ingenious flicks and passes, and, oh yeah, scoring three goddamn goals in what ended as a 3-3 tie. His best goal by far…
A pretty goofy first half between Portugal and Spain ended with a huge momentum swing for Portugal thanks to a giant boner from Spanish goalie David de Gea, normally one of the best shot stoppers in the world.
Real Madrid and Portugal striker Cristiano Ronaldo has reportedly settled his tax fraud charges with Spanish authorities, agreeing to pay $21.7 million, or approximately €18.7 million, to stay out of prison and receive only a suspended two-year sentence. Ronaldo’s achievement breaks the tax evasion mark set by his…
Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi. It’s an argument as old as time itself, with diehard fans of these two all-time greats throwing out stats and facts in support of their preferred candidate to make their case for superiority—Messianiacs pointing to his better scoring record, his better passing, his better dribbling…
Emanuel Santos, the sculptor of the creepy Cristiano Ronaldo bust that blessed the airport in Madeira, Portugal, has tried again. In a documentary directed by Kelly Naqui and published by Bleacher Report, Santos describes what it was like to be mocked by the entire world (he said it was hard, both he and his wife…
At one point during today’s Portugal-Netherlands friendly match, there were three Idiots On The Field who tried to share a moment with Cristiano Ronaldo. One of them went so far as to attempt to lock lips with the Portugal captain:
This time two months ago, Real Madrid were struggling. Their defense of the league title had already all but mathematically failed. Their Champions League fate also looked shaky, with the back-to-back winners in the club’s favorite competition finishing second in their group and receiving a tough draw against Paris…
Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo ranks second in La Liga in shots taken per 90 minutes. Ahead of him is some dude named Andrew Hjulsager, who has made two substitute appearances for Celta Vigo. In that time Hjulsager has amassed 12 minutes and fired off a single shot, giving him a 7.5 shots-per-90 rate.…
Cristiano Ronaldo seems to think that everything bad that happens to Cristiano Ronaldo is proof of a vast worldwide conspiracy to besmirch the reputation of Cristiano Ronaldo. This explains why he would describe the Spanish tax authorities seeking to collect on some €15 million they believe he may have defrauded from…
After Real Madrid’s appeal of Cristiano Ronaldo’s five-match suspension for shoving a referee was denied today, the Portuguese star whined about the decision on social media, writing, “It’s impossible to stay quiet in this situation, five matches! To me it seems exaggerated and ridiculous, this is what you call…
After coming on as a second-half substitute in Real Madrid’s Spanish Super Cup match against Barcelona, Cristiano Ronaldo scored an incredible go-ahead goal in the 80th minute, picked up a yellow card for taking his shirt off during his signature celebration, and then a few minutes later got a second yellow for…
It hasn’t even been a full week since Cristiano Ronaldo’s camp began leaking to anyone who’d listen that he was done with Spain and had resolved to leave Real Madrid, a supposedly “irreversible” decision borne of his deep feelings of persecution because the Spanish government has taken issue with him potentially …
A transfer window isn’t a transfer window without rumors that Cristiano Ronaldo might be on the move, and despite playing the hero in Real Madrid’s historic back-to-back Champions League trophies and snatching away the league title from Barcelona and all but certainly locking up a fifth Ballon d’Or while playing in…
Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo has officially been charged by Spain’s prosecutor’s office for allegedly failing to pay taxes on €14.7 million of income from the years 2011 to 2014.
Cristiano Ronaldo has a penchant for doing only two or three things in any given game, but those two or three things usually end up being the most important things. That’s exactly what happened today, when Ronaldo scored a hat trick today against Atlético Madrid. His second was the prettiest, when he stared down an…
A couple weeks ago, German paper Der Spiegel released a report that claimed Cristiano Ronaldo had settled out of court with an American woman who alleged he raped her in 2009. Ronaldo’s camp issued a strong denunciation of the report, calling it “journalistic fiction” and denying any ties between the settlement…
Real Madrid scored three goals in about 10 rampaging minutes of extra time against 10-man Bayern Munich in the Champions League quarterfinals to win 4-2, and advance to the semifinals, 6-3 on aggregate. And while Bayern blew it and Real made the plays they needed to win it, it’s hard not to come away from the match…
German news magazine Der Spiegel released a report yesterday saying that Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo reached a $375,000 settlement in 2010 with a woman who alleged he raped her in a Las Vegas hotel. Gestifute, the sports agency that represents Ronaldo, later released a statement calling the report “journalistic…