da Page 1070 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Brendan Haywood Once Again Displays His Fine Moral Sense
Haywood, last seen in a fit of gay panic, writes: "All I'm saying is that Elin better be glad she's married to Tiger Woods instead of Chris Brown or this whole story could've been reported differently!" Amirite? [Yardbarker, via Rick]...

Bowden Announces New Endeavor: Holding A Grudge
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Biggest, Dirtiest, Poopiest Mailbag Yet
Time for your Deadspin Open Mailbag Tuesday. Email us here or submit your questions via Twitter. This week, we're covering urinary habits of Latino minor leaguers, Rosetta Stone lady, and prison baseball....

Brendan Witt Is Probable (Car Accident)
The Islanders defenseman was hit by a truck while walking in Philadelphia today, but refused medical treatment and will be in the lineup tonight. He also visited the zoo and beat up a gorilla that looked at him funny. [Newsday/TSN]...

Last Night's Winner: Shysters
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Utah Flash owner Brandt Andersen, who successfully duped 7,500 suckers into buying tickets to his arena by lying about Michael Jordan. It's a living....

Nerds, Fictional Characters Now Eligible For Heisman
A dude from Standford and someone who plays a made up position called "defensive tackle" are included alongside real football players as Heisman Trophy finalists. Sounds like a classic college prank....worthy of the Hasty Pudding gang! [SJ Mercury News]...

Jimmy Clausen Will Take His Swagger And Tiny Bathing Suits To The NFL
The Jimmy tells ESPN.com that "it's time" and he's taking Charlie Weis' sage advice: "He thought I've improved so much since I came to Notre Dame. So, I'm taking his advice, and I'm going to head out." [ESPN][Pic:Collegegameballs.com]...

Tim Tebow Messiah Watch: See How He Loved Football Edition
With apologies to Slate, the Tim Tebow Messiah Watch is our occasional look at the growing body of evidence — quotes, signs and wonders, excessively fawning prose — that the Florida quarterback is the Lamb of God....

The SEC Title Game, In Microcosm
This video in no way proves that women are better than men at sports. It only proves that Alabama students are better than Florida students at sports. [Via YBB]...

In Hockey, This Man Is Considered A Consummate Pro
When Brendan Shanahan was a kid, his favorite player turned down his autograph request. When Brendan Shanahan made the NHL, he beat the hell out of said player at the puck drop. Do not mess with Brendan Shanahan. [Newark Star-Ledger]...

A Turdfest On Paper Gives Us A Few Gems
Ten early games, and only one features two teams with winning records. Rex Grossman, Matt Moore, Brodie Croyle, Daunte Culpepper and Chris Redman all took snaps today. But what's this about upsets?...

Ivy League Squash Is Serious Business
Harvard's big squash match at Dartmouth was livened up by some rowdy Big Green fans, and now Crimson supporters are crying homophobia and antisemitism. But wait until you read about what must be the most innocuous Jewish stereotype ever....

Verne and Gary's Not-So-Excellent Adventure
If you're like me, you may have found the announcing during yesterday's SEC Championship Game to be....underwhelming. Here's a compilation of Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson's greatest moments of confusion, obfuscation and outright lies....

Notre Dame To Announce Rehab Stint, Impending Pregnancy To TMZ
White smoke in South Bend!...

Robert Johnson Called — He Wants His SEC Championship Back
Alabama 32, Florida 13. [Pic via Rick Ankiel's Moustache]...

"SI" Writer Jon Wertheim Would Like You To Watch Roger Federer's Giggle Fit
Sports Illustrated senior writer Jon Wertheim, author of Strokes of Genius: Federer, Nadal, and the Greatest Match Ever Played, was kind enough to let me bother him. Here, he considers Tiger Woods and challenges Will Leitch to a bet:...

As It Turns Out, NBA Players Haven't Completely Tuned Out David Stern
David Stern insists with robotic regularity that his ballers are the "best athletes in the world". (Sometimes, when he's feeling particularly saucy, he goes with "most extraordinarily gifted".)...

Urban Meyer Aborts His Defensive Line: Your SEC Championship Preview / Open Thread
So last weekend I went with @girlfriend to the teensie tiny town of Wetumpka, Alabama, which meant I had the chance to see the Iron Bowl in its natural habitat....

Just Be Thankful It's Not Cablevision
Dan Shanoff fantasizes about a world in which Comcast-NBC is an "online sports juggernaut" and Bill Simmons, Darren Rovell, and Tommy Craggs do trust falls at the company picnic. [Dan Shanoff / Pic via]...

SEC Championship Game To Proceed Without Distractions
Thousands of hours of airtime. Millions of keystrokes. Finally, we can stop obsessing over the Most Important College Football Issue of Our Time: Notre Dame will not sully the airwaves this bowl season....