da Page 1077 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Last Night's Winner: Dance! Dance! DANCE!
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like ballroom dance enthusiasts who suddenly found a lot of weirdos hanging around them last night. Why are all these pasty dorks cheering the Vienna Waltz?...

Johnny Damon Puts A Ring On It
Freed from the Yankee yoke, Damon says he's finally allowed to display his Red Sox championship ring. Also, his caveman beard and stripper wife. [NY Post]...

Live Blogging People Dancing With What Some Consider To Be Stars
See this lady? She's involved somehow in tonight's season premiere of DWTS (pronounced "duh-witz"), along with 10 other celebrities....

Pat Jordan Submits His Spring Break Essays To Us Via Fax
...And the first installment will run tomorrow Wednesday. Mr. Jordan cargo van-slummed it in Daytona Beach for us last week to complete this assignment, so pass it along to friends and colleagues because he'll never do this for us again....

Soak Yourself In Deadspin's Spring Break Week (NSFW)
All week long Deadspin will be celebrating the phenomenon of American Spring Break. There's much to come, but for now, please watch this educational video put together by hairypalmed intern David Matthews, documenting the effects of water on cotton apparel....

Andrew Jackson's Least Favorite Team Vs. Everyone Else's: Florida State-Gonzaga
The days of Casey Calvary and Matt Santangelo are gone; Gonzaga has become a West Coast Duke. Solomon Alabi has the name of an extra from Angel Heart but is also a defensive force. Will we see Matt Bouldin cry?...

Royalists Take On The Irish: Old Dominion-Notre Dame Open Thread
Can the Irish continue their recent strong play? Can the Monarchs kickstart a Sweet 16 run? Throw your comments down (be)low....

You Can Do It, Cougars: A Florida-BYU Open Thread
What can that shirt possibly refer to? Who do you think will advance to give K-State a scare in Round 2? Follow the action in the comments below....

"Here Are 10 Things To Expect After You Turn 30"
This Black Table article was published, shit, six years ago and I'm encouraged by the fact that it is still as painful now as it was on March 18, 2004. Getting older is not fun. Make it stop....

Tiger's Porn Star Lady To Reveal Filthy Text Messages Today
We apologize again for giving this awful woman a platform. Joslyn James AKA Veronica Siwik-Daniels will begin her own March Madness and unleash sextingjoslynjames.com at 11 a.m. to prove to the world that Tiger used to bone her. [NYPOST]...

Bills Entice Potential Ticket Buyers With "Punt From Own End Zone" Shining Moment
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

WWE Bans Chairshots For McMahon's Senate Run
The oldest pro wrestling trope in the book, nailing an opponent with a folding chair, could be no more in the WWE. Why? Politics, as usual....

Irving To Milk One Last Cash Grab Out Of Texas Stadium
It'll cost fans and demolition aficionados (I call them demolitionados) $25 per vehicle to watch next month's implosion of Texas Stadium. The hole in the roof is so God can watch the implosion for free. That's the saying, right? [AP]...

Crotch Punch Fulfills Every Crotch Punch's Destiny, Gets Immortalized On Videotape
Here's the video of Seton Hall's Herb Pope doing to Texas Tech's Darko Cohadarevic what a thousand youth baseball bats have done to two thousand youth-coach testicles. [YouTube, via TBL]...

Beckham's Torn Achilles Moves British Poet Laureate To Write Dreadful Verse
"[T]his poem is written," Carol Ann Duffy announces, "to draw a parallel with Achilles, who gave his name to Beckham's injury." Uh-oh....

Last Night's Winner: Michael David Barrett
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Michael David Barrett, Erin Andrews's peeper, who was sentenced yesterday to two-and-a-half years in prison and life as another triple-named American villain....

America's Feeblest Legal Minds Weigh In On Erin Andrews
Somewhat curiously, ESPN.com has put the sentencing of Erin Andrews's stalker on the front page. Even more curiously, they've left commenting open. Seriously, go now. It's worse than YouTube in there. [ESPN.com]...

Prepare For Deadspin's Preposterous Spring Break Week, Featuring Pat Jordan
Sometimes we get lofty ideas, ones that seem great in theory, but are impossible to execute and may unexpectedly end with a wounded frog. Here's another: Pat Jordan, revered wildman sportswriter, is covering Spring Break in Daytona Beach for us....

David Beckham Tears Achilles, Will Miss Opportunity To Vomit On The Field In Another World Cup
Beckham snapped his left achilles and will not get a chance to sit on England's bench in South Africa. Stiff upper lip, though: "The romantic notion of him seizing the day and inspiring England to glory was poppycock." [Guardian]...

Erin Andrews and Dick Vitale Cut A Rug
EA is going to be doing it with the stars, and Dickie V is getting psyched for the Big one. So why not share a dance before yesterday's Duke/Miami game?...