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Hirshey: Arsenal's Impotence
David Hirshey writes about the English Premier League for Deadspin....

The Media Creates $9,500 In Fines For Terrell Owens
No one involved wants to comment on it, but the Dallas Cowboys have finally fined Terrell Owens $9,500 for missing a team meeting, missing a rehab session, being late to an offensive meeting, and, according to Bill Parcells "being such a dick."...

Hall Of Fame Nominees, The Day After
After witnessing, in slack-jawed awe, the truly beautiful thing that has been Deadspin Hall of Fame nomination post, we stand before you, at full attention, with the sharpest possible salute we can muster. That was so much fun to be a part of that the actual Hall of Fame almost seems redundant....

Drew Henson, Man Of Many Ugly Hats
Has there ever been an athlete more consistently overconsidered, for such an extended period of time, as Drew Henson? The guy has been all potential, zero performance; he's Ryan Leaf, except he did it in two sports ... and he wasn't very good in college either....

The ULTIMATE Electrolyte Power Boost!
It has been a while since we have played any organized competitive athletics, so we're a little behind on all the latest innovations in the world of sports beverages meant to quench thirst and replenish, uh, fluids or something....

Rogue Agent Actually Much Worse Than Thought
Remember when we told you about David Frost, that creepy former "agent" who held undue influence over young hockey players, including St. Louis Blues player Mike Danton, who later tried to have him killed?...

The Closer: Markakis For President
Notes from a day in baseball:...

Kornheiser's Second Evening Of Fun
Lovable Grumpy Gus Tony Kornheiser broadcasted his second "Monday Night Football" game last night, and it has created decidedly less conversation — "buzz," if you will — than his debut did a week ago. We only watched a few minutes of the game, so we don't feel qualified enough to make much judgment....

The Closer: "It Was Mayhem Down In The Tunnel"
Notes on a day in baseball:...

Not To Pile On The Red Sox Here, But ...
We know that often American celebrities will do advertisements in other countries — or their home countries — that they might not necessarily want to be seen doing here. But that doesn't change the bewilderment of seeing David Ortiz ... doing a boner commercial? Really? Can anybody translate?...

Hirshey: Arsenal Off To Sister-Kissing Start
Is it too early to award Chelsea the Prem title? I mean, why not get it over with and wrap (or even better, garotte) a Portuguese scarf around the Special One's neck, bronze John Terry's captain's armband, apologize for all the mean things we said during the World Cup about Frank "Totally Frank" L...

The Closer: "Those Guys Are Not Playing Around"
Notes from a day in baseball:...

Cultural Oddsmaker: Based On An Inspiring True Story ...
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Let him know what you think of him....

The Closer: Turns Out There's Some There, There
Notes from a day in baseball:...

Tony Kornheiser Should Probably Take A Deep Breath
Something that has surprised us — but probably shouldn't have — about the aftermath of Tony Kornheiser's debut on "Monday Night Football" has been his reaction to (relatively small) criticism of his performance. For a guy who, being in the media, should be used to all this, he's lashing out a lot. H...