da Page 988 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Daniel Sedin Wins The Important Hardware: A Broken Trophy
The NHL awards were last night; we didn't watch. (Mostly a Jay Mohr thing.) So we couldn't tell you what outfit the readers of Seventeen picked out for Jeff Skinner, or if the pointless Jennings Trophy was handed beforehand, like the technical Oscars....

Dallas Man Explains Why He Got Dirk Nowitzki's Face Tattooed On His Ass, Still Has Some Explaining To Do
"When Dirk lifted the Larry O'Brien and the MVP trophy it was the greatest sports moment of my life. I sports-cried, called a high school friend that does tattoos and have been on a Dallas Mavericks championship high ever since. Now I realize that I will be sitting on a big German man's face for the...

"This Is A Great Day For Canada's Football," Says Canada Coach After Dumb Luck Delays Elimination Three More Days
I'm not sure what lessons we can learn from the U-17 World Cup (I hope none, because the US lost to Uzbekistan last night), but English goaltending looks like it'll be hopeless for the next couple of decades....

Big Baby Is Struggling Through The Mirror Stage
The last time we checked in on Glen "Big Baby" Davis's development, he had lost track of himself — a classic case of méconnaisance, according to the limited memory I have of my intro to lit theory class. Now, as Danny Ainge declares his annual Boston Armageddon, Davis is confronting new trauma: what...

Jennie Finch Has Named Her Second Son Diesel Daigle
Finch, who is now retired but was once at the pinnacle of American softball, whatever that means, gave birth Sunday to eight-pound-two-ounce Diesel Dean Daigle. His older brother is named Ace Shane Daigle. Unconscionable....

The Brilliant Legal Mind Behind Mark Cuban's "Fuck You" Brief
We had to ask Mark Cuban for comment on today's legal filing, which consisted of a photo of the Mavericks celebrating a title. It's a dagger of a brief in the face of a suit accusing him of mismanaging the team, and it shuts down any comebacks. But Cuban deflected credit, telling us "it was all the ...

Jack McKeon Has Had A Very Jack McKeon Couple Of Days
And it was a thing of beauty to watch, for fans who view coaches as interesting or influential as any athlete. Even if they're 80 years old and are baseball's Winston Wolf, just waiting for the call to clean up someone else's mess....

Mark Cuban Files The Ultimate "Fuck You" Legal Brief
"Scoreboard," the defendant said. ...

Litigious, Displaced, Already Reiumbursed Super Bowl Fans Are Asking For Even More Money
Hey, remember those cranky folks who couldn't get their Super Bowl seats? Remember how they're suing, and how $5 million wouldn't be enough in remuneration?...

Old Man Jack McKeon Pulls Reliever In The Middle Of An At-Bat
Randy Choate started the eighth for Florida tonight: He walked Bobby Abreu on six pitches, then went to 2-1 on Alberto Callaspo. That's it, new 80-year-old sheriff in town Jack McKeon decided, and he pulled Choate for Burke Badenhop....

Russia's Leading Scorer Tasered For Giving Jersey To A Fan, Then Police Deny It Ever Happened
Zenit St. Petersburg striker Danko Lazovic wanted to give some fans a meaningful souvenir—his shirt—after his team's 2-0 victory against FC Volga on Saturday. Instead, the Russian police decided to give him a meaningful burn on his side. Then they said it never happened, as you'll hear in the abov...

"Too Much To Drink And Chasing Pussy": A Tour Of The W.V. Bars In Which Dana Holgorsen Allegedly Got Shitfaced
I'm a West Virginia native, and I have been to a great many bars in that state, so I know whereof I speak when I say that Dana Holgorsen, the new, occasionally sober head coach of the Mountaineers, has excellent taste. As you might remember, Holgorsen has been involved in several "alcohol-related in...

Old Man McKeon Has Already Benched Hanley Ramirez For Showing Up Late
Because the specials at the Bob Evans in Hialeah end at 4:30, and, well, you know. [Palm Beach Post]...

A Lot Of Surprisingly Hopeful And/Or Bored Timberwolves Fans Greeted Ricky Rubio When His Plane Landed
Today, somewhere on the order of 200 fawning Minnesotans greeted 20-year-old uberguard Ricky Rubio at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport....

Dilbert's Necktie Is Erect Because It Wants To Rape Ladies, Naturally
Leading philosopher cartoon merchandiser Scott Adams, of Dilbert fame, has some new thoughts about masculinity, to go with his earlier, now-deleted meditation on men's rights. Why is there so much news about men "tweeting, raping, cheating, and being offensive"?...

DeShawn Stevenson Got An Abe Lincoln Tattoo Because Gilbert Arenas Stole His MLK One
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Stevenson maintains he would have passed a Breathalyzer....

Every Manager Whose Career Began After And Ended Before Jack McKeon's
Jack McKeon will likely be named interim manager of the Marlins, making him the oldest skipper in baseball by 14 years. McKeon broke into pro baseball in 1949, the same year as Mickey Mantle, and debuted as a major league manager in 1973, as did Whitey Herzog. Of the 671 managers in major league his...

Mother, Escalator, Crowd Team Up To Ensure Boy's Sock Looks Like Schilling's Before Bruins Parade
The Bruins Stanley Cup parade didn't go as well as Jennifer Nottage, her six-year-old daughter Alyana and 12-year-old son Elijah had hoped. Here's Nottage's email account of what happened on a commuter-rail stop's escalator, courtesy of Universal Hub:...

These Two Guys Would've Gotten Away With Busting Into Coors Field If It Wasn't For A Pesky Security Guard
Your morning roundup for June 19, the day some sexy finally came out of the Vancouver riots (it starts at 0:45 of this video), and the day we all wish a Happy Father's Day to the appropriate person in our lives....

Watch The Marlins Catcher Successfully Throw The Ball At Shane Victorino's Head
Your morning roundup for June 18, the day "propaganda vans touted the importance of stability" in the Jeans Capital of China. (Video H/T, Jimmy Greek)...