dad Page 20 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NBA Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman Is Broke, Owes $800K In Child Support, Won't Go To Jail
Alleged deadbeat dad Dennis Rodman is not doing too well these days. Facing more than $800,000 in owed child support payments to his ex-wife, Rodman was facing four counts of contempt of court and serious jail time if convicted. Today, the commissioner overseeing his case delayed his next hearing un...
Tooth Fairy Inflation Will Leave You Dead And Broke
My kid lost her first tooth a while back. The tooth was a stubborn little bastard, sitting there wiggling for weeks before finally breaking away from her gums and dangling there by a small thread of connective tissue. My kid refused to give the tooth one final yank to get it out, which drove me nuts...
DadBoner Unmasked: Cracking The Internet's Biggest Mystery
Last week, we chronicled our efforts to find out the comic mastermind behind the great DadBoner twitter feed, an effort that was met with resistance by certain fans of the feed and by Karl Welzein himself, not to mention his fictional wife Ann Welzein. But that didn't stop tipsters from flooding us ...
Hot On The Trail Of Twitter's DadBoner, The Internet's Greatest Mystery
Bold flavors. Power moves. Chest beefers. A thousand beers, you guys. If any of those references are familiar to you, then you're probably one of the over 52,000 people who follow the DadBoner Twitter feed, which is probably the best Twitter feed ever written by an imaginary middle-aged Michigan man...
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, You're Fucked: 10 Tips For Avoiding Terrible Children's Books
As you may have heard, Jan Berenstain, the lady who co-created the Berenstain Bears series, died this week. And it’s measure of how bad those books are that some people wasted no time dancing on her grave. Now, it’s incredibly crass and rude to rip into a poor old woman who just died. But those book...
Babies Are Stupid
This is the baby's idea of a game: He keeps trying to throw himself off the couch, headfirst. It's completely intentional. I sit him upright, and he looks me in the eye, holds my gaze, grins—and then pitches over sideways. I grab him, reel him back in, and straighten him up, and he grins again and t...
Sick Children Are Where Good Food Goes To Die
There's a half a bowl of Top Ramen sitting in my kitchen right now. It's gorgeous. The broth is warm. The noodles are all soft and crimpy. It's just begging me to eat it. It's just aching for me to take it into the coat closet and do VILE, DISGUSTING things to it....
Children's Music Will Destroy Your Good Taste Forever; Or, How I Came To Like Kidz Bop
I have two kids, and so I have to listen to lots of kids' music. Horrible, awful, miserable kids' music. Almost all of it is complete dogshit. All of the songs from Dora are horrible. All of the songs from Thomas the Tank Engine are puke. And whoever wrote the Bond-style songs for Special Agent Oso ...
Childbirth Is A Precious Rite Of Passage, If You Enjoy Agony, Terror, And Flying Jets Of Blood
When it comes to the Birthing Experience, I'd like to focus on the end, the summing up of everything, when the doctor in the delivery room turned to me and held up the gore-smeared, still-pulsing umbilical cord and asked if I would like to cut it....
How To Care For A Bleeding Child
I have two children, and they are remarkably adept at hurting themselves. They bash into tables, chairs, doors, shelves, bedposts, pits filled with poisonous spikes, etc. One time my daughter was running around with a mirror, tripped, fell, and put her head through the mirror, shattering it to piece...
ShortCenter: It's All Hands On Deck For Irsay Vs. Manning
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
Parents: Don't Put Any Goddamn Candy In The Goodie Bag
I go to a lot of children's birthday parties. These parties are virtually identical. You go to a gym, you take off your kid's shoes, you hand your kid over to the 19-year-old girl making $6 an hour and wearing a bright red or blue shirt with the name of the gym on it (PLAY ZONE! GYMTASTIC! BALLS AND...
ShortCenter: The Giants And The 49ers Are The Same Team, To Judge By ESPN's Buzzwords
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
ShortCenter: Adam Schefter Makes Fun Of Rob Lowe, Sources Say
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
9 Things I Learned In The Parent Encouragement Program, AKA Shitty Parents Anonymous
The Parent Encouragement Program is a series of classes and workshops that are available to parents living in the D.C. area. The introductory class is free, and so I went a couple of weeks ago, because it didn't cost anything and because I need all the help I can get. The title of the workshop was "...
ShortCenter: The Giants Are Confident, ESPN Says Over And Over And Over
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
ShortCenter: Jalen Rose Blames <em>SportsCenter</em>, MTV For JaVale McGee's Showboating
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
ShortCenter: Merril Hoge Explains Aaron Rodgers's Very Bad Day
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
ShortCenter: Ric Bucher Has Nice Hair, Doubts About The Miami Heat
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
Spanish Goalkeeper Allows Four Goals In Six Minutes, Saves Best Fail For Last
Enaut Zubikarai, the goalkeeper for Real Sociedad, had a very terrible Tuesday evening. Playing in the Copa del Rey's round of 16, Zubikarai allowed Mallorca to score six goals in the first 60 minutes, and Real Sociedad lost, 6-1. This particular moment of utter failure was Mallorca's fourth goal ...