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![Education Secretary DeVos: [Sound Of Me Spitting Out Coffee, Falling Out Of Chair]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/uitlf1tpu0tvsgmckaof.jpg)
Education Secretary DeVos: [Sound Of Me Spitting Out Coffee, Falling Out Of Chair]
Historically black colleges and universities (HBCUs) are “real pioneers when it comes to school choice,” according to a statement by Education Secretary Betsy DeVos. Also, I’m going to pull my head off and punt it into a bog....

Anthony Beauvillier Gets Pranked, Scores, Makes Father Weep With Joy<em></em>
Islanders rookie Anthony Beauvillier returned to Quebec for the first time in his young NHL career and had a real roller coaster of a night. His teammates lovingly pranked him right before warm ups and he took the ice alone. Beauvillier then followed up the lil’ prank by scoring in the first period....

Please No One Tell Joe Scarborough That No One Would Care About His Band If He Weren't On TV
It would absolutely break his heart if you told Morning Joe’s Joe Scarborough that no one would go see his bad band perform if it weren’t for the fact that his real job is hosting a television show, so please, no one tell him....

Good Soccer Man Embarrasses A Quartet Of Defenders
Jonathan Mejía and his UCAM Murcia squad lost to Real Valladolid on Saturday in some hot second-division Spanish soccer action, but really, who cares, for young Mejía scored the goal of his life. Look at the Honduran international turn these four dudes into jelly....

What's The View Like From Your Window?
It’s Friday afternoon. That’s the big window in the living room of the forest cabin that my family and I moved into a little over a week ago. It’s nice. I sit in that chair on the right side and do blogs. I’m sitting in that chair right now!...

What It’s Like To Watch Your Kid Lose<em></em>
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....

Here's A Guy Scoring On A 65-Yard Volley
Universidad de Concepción beat O’Higgins 3-1 today in Chile’s Primera division, with the final goal being this stoppage-time screamer by Alejandro Camargo—a 65-yard volley that left O’Higgins keeper Miguel Pinto looking awfully foolish....

How To Measure Your Kid's Dick
Don’t. What the fuck is wrong with you?...

Little League Coach Makes Mound Visit To Tell His Son He Loves Him
The Little League World Series is good for three things: Feeling good for the happy children who win, feeling bad for the sad children who lose, and the occasional dose of good dadding....

The Secret To Convincing Your Significant Other To Let You Play Video Games Whenever You Want
So you’ve found the love of your life. The two of you somehow tolerate one another enough that you’ve decided to share a home. Now you’ve got a problem: How do you convince them to let you get away with all those eight-hour binges on The Witcher 3?...

Steve Martin Is My Body Icon
I assume that there is an amount of working out, tanning, waxing, and grooming I could do in order to be a moderately more handsome person. I have no interest in doing this. My body icon isn’t a Hemsworth or a Tyrese. It’s Steve Martin, who has mastered the art of looking like the same person for as...

Jellyfish Are Assholes<em></em><em></em>
I just wanna swim in peace. That’s all I want. I want all the creatures of the sea to get along and coexist in harmony so that I might responsibly frolic in the earth’s panoply of crystalline bodies of water: lakes, oceans, streams, rivers, and such and such....

Kings Draftee's Father Is A Fiery, Irrepressible Twitter Troll
Last night, the Sacramento Kings selected Georgios Papagiannis with the 13th pick in the NBA Draft. The Kings, who have two guards under contract, passed on the only prospect to work out for them (Wade Baldwin) to draft a player who ESPN had going in the second round and Draft Express ranked as the ...

Our Parents Like Steph Curry's Shoes
I spoke too soon when I said that only Seth Curry and my dad appreciated Steph Curry’s white-on-white Under Armour professional lawn mowing shoes. The Deadspin staff surveyed their parents, and most of them had positive reactions. ...

How Not To Lose Friends To Parenthood
There’s an idea that parallel universes exist simultaneously, and every possible outcome of every event in history is happening within them. If this is right, then somewhere in time and space, Dez Bryant made that catch, baby Donald Trump died of SIDS, 9/11 wasn’t an inside job and Rougned Odor stil...

Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Jake And The Neverland Pirates</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. ...

How To Fly With Young Children
It is a known fact that flight attendants are among the perkiest, cheeriest, bubbliest human beings on the planet. But have you ever wondered why?...

A Young Parent’s Guide To Raffi
The day starts well enough: no hangover, no fighting before bedtime, no crying from the nursery, no staring through the darkness at indeterminate hours wondering in what direction, if any, my life is headed....

Here It Is, The Bicycle Kick To End All Bicycle Kicks
That Javi Gómez, of third division Spanish club UD Socuéllamos, managed to score with this insane, volleyed overhead kick is crazy enough. But that he even thought to shoot there, when probably no one in the world save maybe Zlatan Ibrahimović would’ve considered it, makes it all the more spectacula...