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Use Some Goddamn Headphones<em></em>
Here is a take for you: Wear some goddamn headphones when you watch a video in public....

One Video Of Tom Brady And His Son
One video of Tom Brady and his son, who asks to check his fantasy team, but not before he gives his Super Bowl-winning father a kiss....

The Actual Night Before Christmas<em></em>
‘Twas the night before ChristmasAnd all through the house…Not a damn thing was ready....

LeBron James Put On A Great Dad Performance
The Cleveland Cavaliers narrowly defeated the strangely and suddenly competent Chicago Bulls last night, and they were led, as usual, by LeBron James. He scored 34 points to go along with nine assists, and he also demonstrated elite dad abilities....

Egypt Qualify For The World Cup And No One Is Happier Than This Sweet Old Dad
Mohamed Salah was Egypt’s hero yesterday, scoring twice in a 2-1 win over Congo that officially stamped the Egyptians’ tickets to next summer’s World Cup. This is just the third time Egypt have ever qualified for the World Cup, and will be their first one since 1990. Hence why this cute old man melt...

Fuck Sports Bottles<em></em>
I thought I was done. My kids were no longer babies, which meant no more formula, which meant no more time laboring at the sink, hand-washing 90 separate Dr. Brown’s bottle parts and leaving them soaking on a dishtowel to dry. That part of my life, as far as I was concerned, was over....

Frisbee Dad Fuckin' Aces It
“Dad, I don’t give a shit about this.” Wrong!...

LeBron James Has Gone Full Vacation Dad
If you’ve ever been on a vacation at a tropical resort, you’ve seen a Vacation Dad. He’s the guy who is sitting alone at the poolside bar, a little buzzed, smoking his annual cigar—he was sent to the bar by his wife who didn’t want him smoking that crap around her—really enjoying the music, and eage...

Finish Your Food Before You Serve It
It’s the smallest thing, really. Maybe you already do it! But maybe you do not already do it, and you have wondered why the food you cook always seems underwhelming. Probably there are lots of reasons why the food you cook always seems underwhelming, not least among them your pathological inability ...

Dig A Hole At The Beach
I’ve been taking my kids to the beach for years now and in that time we have brought along any number of cumbersome, worthless beach toys: bulldozers and rakes and sand trowels and bad frisbees and this little wheel thingie where you put water in the top and it makes the wheel go spin-spin. I have c...

De'Aaron Fox's Dad Isn't Having Any Of LaVar Ball's Bullshit
De’Aaron Fox will almost certainly be a top-five pick in Thursday night’s NBA draft, although this draft is silly with point guards and he will likely be the third lead guard selected. It’s inevitable that Fox will be judged alongside Markelle Fultz, Lonzo Ball, and Frank Ntilikina as this class of ...

Neighbors Are Hell
When I was a young kid we knew all the names of pretty much everybody in our whole little neighborhood. The kids were a pack; in the summer, when your parents kicked you out of the house after breakfast—everybody did this—you just found the other kids and skulked around until somebody came up with ...

The Nine Scariest-Ass Things About Owning A House<em></em>
I own a house and the thing about home ownership is that it is a lifetime project. At any given moment, there is something about the house that needs addressing. There is always a PROJECT, and some homeowners like having such projects. They like to constantly spruce things up and tend to the landsca...

Couldn't We All Use A Generic Father Figure In Our Lives?
Get to it, veteran dads. ...

Children And Sunscreen: A Guide To Summer Hell
Every year I look forward to summer before remembering that summer is, in fact, hell. There are bugs. There is swampass. There are bored children punching each other for sport. And there is suntan lotion. Ohhhhhh, suntan lotion. Oh how I DESPISE you with a concentrated fury. Is there a more necessar...

A Q&A With Tony Reali About Postpartum Depression And Anxiety In Dads
Tony Reali, the host of ESPN’s Around the Horn, always wanted to be a dad: “I wanted a whole team of kids. I’ve said this to everyone with ears.” So when he experienced what he called an attack of postpartum anxiety one Sunday afternoon in September 2015 when he was home alone with his one-year-old ...

LeBron Tells LaVar Ball To Fall Back
One of the many outlandish claims that Lonzo Ball’s dad LaVar made on his recent press tour to proclaim the supreme basketball ability of his three sons was that his kids were set up for success in the NBA more than LeBron’s two sons. Specifically, Ball said that LeBron’s sons aren’t primed for NBA ...

Spanish Soccer Dads Celebrate Father's Day By Beating Each Other Up
A game between Spanish youth sides Alaró and Collerense was interrupted and later canceled yesterday after a bunch of riled up sports parents got into a big brawl. El Confidencial reports that an Alaró player made a hard tackle, which sparked an argument. The argument then roped in a herd of overeag...
![Education Secretary DeVos: [Sound Of Me Spitting Out Coffee, Falling Out Of Chair]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/uitlf1tpu0tvsgmckaof.jpg)
Education Secretary DeVos: [Sound Of Me Spitting Out Coffee, Falling Out Of Chair]
Historically black colleges and universities (HBCUs) are “real pioneers when it comes to school choice,” according to a statement by Education Secretary Betsy DeVos. Also, I’m going to pull my head off and punt it into a bog....

Anthony Beauvillier Gets Pranked, Scores, Makes Father Weep With Joy<em></em>
Islanders rookie Anthony Beauvillier returned to Quebec for the first time in his young NHL career and had a real roller coaster of a night. His teammates lovingly pranked him right before warm ups and he took the ice alone. Beauvillier then followed up the lil’ prank by scoring in the first period....