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Please No One Tell Joe Scarborough That No One Would Care About His Band If He Weren't On TV
It would absolutely break his heart if you told Morning Joe’s Joe Scarborough that no one would go see his bad band perform if it weren’t for the fact that his real job is hosting a television show, so please, no one tell him....
What's The View Like From Your Window?
It’s Friday afternoon. That’s the big window in the living room of the forest cabin that my family and I moved into a little over a week ago. It’s nice. I sit in that chair on the right side and do blogs. I’m sitting in that chair right now!...
What It’s Like To Watch Your Kid Lose<em></em>
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
How To Measure Your Kid's Dick
Don’t. What the fuck is wrong with you?...
Little League Coach Makes Mound Visit To Tell His Son He Loves Him
The Little League World Series is good for three things: Feeling good for the happy children who win, feeling bad for the sad children who lose, and the occasional dose of good dadding....
Jellyfish Are Assholes<em></em><em></em>
I just wanna swim in peace. That’s all I want. I want all the creatures of the sea to get along and coexist in harmony so that I might responsibly frolic in the earth’s panoply of crystalline bodies of water: lakes, oceans, streams, rivers, and such and such....
Kings Draftee's Father Is A Fiery, Irrepressible Twitter Troll
Last night, the Sacramento Kings selected Georgios Papagiannis with the 13th pick in the NBA Draft. The Kings, who have two guards under contract, passed on the only prospect to work out for them (Wade Baldwin) to draft a player who ESPN had going in the second round and Draft Express ranked as the ...
Our Parents Like Steph Curry's Shoes
I spoke too soon when I said that only Seth Curry and my dad appreciated Steph Curry’s white-on-white Under Armour professional lawn mowing shoes. The Deadspin staff surveyed their parents, and most of them had positive reactions. ...
How Not To Lose Friends To Parenthood
There’s an idea that parallel universes exist simultaneously, and every possible outcome of every event in history is happening within them. If this is right, then somewhere in time and space, Dez Bryant made that catch, baby Donald Trump died of SIDS, 9/11 wasn’t an inside job and Rougned Odor stil...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Jake And The Neverland Pirates</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. ...
How To Fly With Young Children
It is a known fact that flight attendants are among the perkiest, cheeriest, bubbliest human beings on the planet. But have you ever wondered why?...
A Young Parent’s Guide To Raffi
The day starts well enough: no hangover, no fighting before bedtime, no crying from the nursery, no staring through the darkness at indeterminate hours wondering in what direction, if any, my life is headed....
The Dadspin Explainer: Hitler
Here at Dadspin, we understand how difficult it is to explain certain subjects to your children. This is why we’ve created Dadspin Explainer, a handy running guide to teaching your children about really horrible shit. ...
The Best Places To Urinate Outside, Ranked
Before we get deep into the bowels of the Funbag, one quick note: I’m out next week on Spring Break with my kids. This will not be like your Spring Break. Your Spring Break will be in Lake Havasu surrounded by fruity drinks and horny twentysomethings. I, on the other hand, will be stuck in Virginia ...
Warriors Games Should Be On Earlier, Dammit
As you’re probably aware, the Golden State Warriors are currently 57-6 and have a legit shot at beating the NBA’s single-season win record. They’re the sort of once-in-a-lifetime superteam that has captured the imaginations of diehards and casual fans alike, and I would very much like to watch them ...
A Proud Parent's Guide To Dominating Girl Scout Cookie Season
For all the fathers and mothers out there, when Girl Scout Cookie season rolls around, your first and foremost emotion should be relief. It could be worse: You could be dealing with a Boy Scout instead. Those poor saps have to sell popcorn. It’s clearly an inferior product. Everyone loves cookies!...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>PAW Patrol</i>
It’s time once again for our ongoing series surveying the awful shows you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours....
High School Ref Says Hockey Dad Beat Him Up After He Ejected His Son And Wife
Last weekend, Howell High School and Manalapan High School played to a 1-1 tie in boys hockey at Howell Ice World. The game got wild in the third period when a Howell player was given a ten minute penalty for cursing at referee Dave Brown. There was only five minutes left in the game, so this essent...
Bobby Ryan Scores, Earns Two Kids A New Puppy
Senators winger Bobby Ryan helped some kids totally own their dad last night. ...