deadspin-xy Page 20 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How A White Person Gets His Hair Cut In America Today
I went to get my hair cut the other day. I meant to get it cut a month earlier, but my wife went into early labor and had a kid and the kid had to stay in the NICU forever and there's no good time in the middle of all that to be like, "Excuse me, guys. Daddy needs some time for Daddy at the beauty p...
Tonight's Weather Forecast Will Not Be Seen Because Our Set Has Been Invaded By Bears
Havoc reigned in Scranton tonight when WNEP-TV's 11 p.m. newscast was interrupted by bears. Black bears, specifically, at least four of which decided to invade the outdoor set from which meteorologist Kurt Aaron was preparing to deliver his weather report. Aaron was, understandably, concerned for ...
It's Official, World's Dumbest Criminal Found After Trying To Sell Weed To His Old Parole Officer
We find our man, Cedrick Barnes, in Florence, South Carolina. It seems Cedrick had some extra weed laying around and thought to himself, "I should really sell this stuff." So Cedrick did what any one of us would have: he started cold-calling everyone in his cell phone contacts to see if anyone want...
Czech Women Will Use You As A Bodyguard
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
College Newspaper Captures Euphoria Of Historic Upset With Headline Alluding To Masturbation
Division II Francis Marion University (S.C.) knocked off defending Division I national champ South Carolina in a baseball game on April 11. FMU's student paper is a weekly, and even though the edition chronicling the big win wasn't published until this week, the upset was still enough to merit front...
When A $125 Loan Denial Results In Wielded Knives: A Witness's Account
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Epic girl fight! Parenting fail. Shocking woman pulls a knife with child watching." Tonight's commentator: Steve Spell II, proprietor at The Float Dog LLC in Hammond, ...
Twenty Citizens' Worth Of Blood Flowed Through Him: A Medic Confronts The Open Wounds Of Afghanistan
This was originally written for Deadspin's Blood Week, but shit happens and we're running it now....
Finance Guy Keeps Incredibly Detailed, Incredibly Creepy Spreadsheet Of His Match.com Prospects
Let's call this guy, oh, "Dave." Dave is a financial services employee in New York. Dave goes on Match.com, and meets women, and sometimes goes on dates with them. Then Dave goes home and enters all sorts of information into an Excel sheet, to keep track of everyone....
Palm Beach High School Baseball Player Suspended For Soaking Visiting Dugout In Urine Before Crosstown Rivals Arrived
From the Palm Beach Post comes word of gamesmanship. Foul, fetid gamesmanship....
A Fight In Ibiza Involving People From The Future And/Or Space, Analyzed For Us By A Pro Wrestler
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fight: "Big fight (Brawl) San Antonio Ibiza [Pelea de guiris]." Tonight's commentator: the return of Cory Kastle, a pro wrestler exploring his comedic chops during an extended hiat...
Mr. McFeely Terrorizes Children With A Purple Panda
I don't know what the backstory is, I don't want to know what the backstory is. All I know is that a man dressed up as Mr. McFeely from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood is hanging out with some kids at a daycare/kindergarten class of sorts when in walks a purple panda and it turns into a scene out of T...
Cockblocked By The SDSU Aztec!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
We Asked A Pro Wrestler To Weigh In On This Ditch Fight With A Big-Time Flying Kick
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fight: "FIGHT like a BOSS ! Kampfsprung like a BOSS!" Tonight's commentator: Cory Kastle, a pro wrestler exploring his comedic chops during an extended hiatus from the ring on acco...
Taco B.M. Monster Wins Name Of The Year
The votes are counted, the tallies tallied, and Dutch medical professional Taco B.M. Monster has been awarded the Name of the Year, beating out such luminaries as Commie Spead, Monsterville Horton IV, and Madz Negro. Next year's tournament starts "soonish." [NOTY]...
It’s Always More Fun When When It’s Your Wife Vomiting
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Rock Climbing Is So Easy A 22-Month-Old Girl In A Diaper Can Do It
Her toys are strategically placed on the wall, and damnit if she doesn't glide right on up there to get to every one of them. It's incredibly cute, and rather amazing. The video stops before we get to see how she gets down, but she probably just shits herself....
Arrested Drunk Man Sings "Bohemian Rhapsody" In Its Entirety In Back Of Police Car [UPDATE]
Dude in the video above wasn't happy about being picked up by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for being intoxicated. The best excuse he can muster is something about "brotherhood of men on the planet earth" before he segues right into singing Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." In its entirety. He even...
Sacramento Man Arrested For Jumping On Top Of Police Car Produces Spectacular Mugshot
Jesse James Thomas was wearing a sombrero and a boxing glove at the time of his arrest on suspicion of being drunk in public, but they don't appear in this mugshot. That would have gilded the lily. [Jalopnik, h/t Pat]...
We Asked A Celebrity Boxing Promoter To Weigh In On A Street-Fight Video Featuring A Face-In-Butt Moment [NSFW]
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fight: "GHETTO RIVERDALE FIGHTS BOOTISE VS CHINA BYLOCO DA DON PART1." Tonight's commentator: Damon Feldman, celebrity boxing promoter....
Here's A Briefcase-Wielding Zombie Invading The Set Of The U.K.'s Channel Four News
I don't care to fathom much explanation for this. It's weird, and sometimes weird things are best left up to their own interpretations. (But, seriously, anyone heard anything from the Brits lately?)...